


Hellweek, Day 3

by The Raven Sennin (The_Raven_Sennin)



Series: Team Anko, Final Rev [4]
Category: Earthdawn, Naruto, One Piece, Other - Fandom
Genre: A Lot Like Canon, Action/Adventure, Deconstruction, Except When It Isn't, Fantasy, Jamming like Miles Davis at his Best., MagiPunk, Near Full Rewrite, Ninjapunk, Reconstruction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 11:11:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 49,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5203613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Raven_Sennin/pseuds/The%20Raven%20Sennin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forces of habit<br/>Worrisome facts emerge<br/>It's not all roses</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The Core Beta Team](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+Core+Beta+Team), [Silfrvarg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silfrvarg/gifts).



> Light post posting edits of chapter 1 on the 17 Nov 2015.

**Kaminari-bi, 3 Mi, 13th year of the Sandaime's Second Reign, 3048.**

**0306 h. Team Anko International Headquarters, all good genin should be in bed.**

The ache was the sort of dull, nagging thing that Uzumaki Naruto knew could become blazing if he let it.

This was a Bad Day.

The young nin sat up and closed his eyes quickly-- not that it helped with the dizziness much.

Damn it. He'd pushed too hard yesterday. Decided to prove too many points. Had too much fun. And his body was only too glad to tell him this.

He was fine, though. He'd just tell sensei he felt a little tired and sore. He'd take it easy and be back full force, future Hokage level tomorrow. He'd just lay back down and get some more sleep.

He pulled up the covers.

A few minutes later, he tossed them off.

He massaged his temples and counted flying shuriken.

It took ten stubborn minutes to admit the dull ache and slightly hot feeling were not going to let him sleep. He got out of bed, shucked off his nightcap, shirt and boxers, and slipped into the en suite bathroom. He opted for a quick hose down-- on a day like today, actually soaking in the tub was always more attractive in theory.

In ten minutes the genin candidate had his jacket and pants on and his hitai-ate on his head. He took the stairs down to the lobby main landing and waved at Sensei, who was set up with paperwork, a brush pen between her teeth as she read the documents.

"Up early?" Mitarashi Anko asked, a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Well, it was more like, "Uh ehi," first time, then she removed the pen.

"Can't sleep," Naruto said, off-hand and still moving. Last thing he wanted was his Nee-sensei to start worrying about him. Not that he minded the way she treated him, but there was no doubt in his mind she was one of the people Jii-jii checked in with about him.

"Well, don't wander too long," Anko murmured as she turned back to her paperwork. "I have horrible things planned for you today, after all."

"I won't. I have training in the morning!" he said, and his joy was unfeigned.

"Most kids would not... gah. Walk easy, Naruto."

He slipped out, looked left and right, and crossed the street. Maybe some pretzels, the soft ones, from the all night mart down the street...

##

**0315 h.**

Most people would no doubt look at Rock Lee and think there was no way the 'Last Uchiha' would want to associate with the boisterous taijutsu specialist.

Most people who rendered such opinions did not actually know Uchiha Sasuke.

He'd returned to the team's headquarters at 0059, to Anko-sensei's approving nod. And the fact that she and Gai-sensei were so close helped greatly, as she had simply shook her head at Lee's suggestion of using the couch and told them where the guest futons were.

There had only been three permanent rooms set up when Anko's paternal grandfather had sealed the house-- a master bedroom, Sensei's old room (now Naruto's) and Utatane-sama's room (now Sakura's). Sasuke's new room was a sparsely furnished guest room, which actually rather suited his tastes. It was simple to pull out another futon for Lee, and there was even a sleeping yukata in the young man's size.

Not that they slept much.

Sasuke frowned. He'd have to prepare himself for some yaoi cracks from teammates and sensei alike. Or maybe a simple 'Jealous?' would shut them up. Not that it ever worked with Naruto...

They'd talked quite a bit, the kind of free running conversation that most people were too formal to have with him. Yes, they'd touched on both their families, and that led to why Sasuke was so disinterested in his fangirls even as puberty set in (he had too much to resolve before he could give any woman the attention she deserved), and to Rock Lee's quiet confession of trying to open the gates as a lad to make his chakra system work right. They talked about that ridiculous KeiBu procedural that TV-Hi was airing, and they discovered a shared love of listening with slack jawed disbelief to some of the late-night kook calls on HIVC ("This is Hi's _Voice_ ") 997.

Lee had dozed off around 0203, and Sasuke had found his sleep rather easily after that. Now, over an hour later, he woke up feeling rested. If he'd dreamed, they'd been gentle and not horrible replayed memory. He sat up, slowly, stretched, and saw Lee sitting in a kneeling position. He joined him in meditation.

"Naruto and Sakura only just learned to do this seriously," Lee murmured. "And what they should aim for."

"Cousin Shisui made sure I knew when I called the Academy primer 'boring'," Sasuke noted.

The two were silent then for maybe a half hour. Sasuke followed Lee's lead and stood.

"Guests use the refreshments first," Sasuke said, gesturing to the bathroom his room shared with two others. There was room for... maybe sixteen occupants, if one included rooms originally for servants.

Lee bathed quickly, and was back in his outfit from last night, a simple almost gi-like pants and shirt combo.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "I know you like to emulate your sensei... but that looks good on you. I need something less... Uchiha-like myself."

Lee's face went from the smile at the complement to a concerned frown. "Indeed. Clan pride is well and good, but even a Hyuuga knows when to don Cool and Hip wraparound shades to hide their Awesome pulsing veins."

"Hn. And Naruto learned stealth better than most of our class," Sasuke said. "Do you know how many times I heard someone chide him for looking like a civilian only for him to vanish in a crowd and prank the idiot?"

"Not like we're all Youthful stealth these days, at any rate," Lee said. "Anymore than samurai are just mounted archers."

"Hn," Sasuke grunted.

"Do you think Naruto would object to joining us for an early morning snack?" Lee wondered, snapping on his training weights.

"Hn," Sasuke agreed, but he frowned.

"Ah, is he the type that is hard to wake against their will?"

"Hn."

"Well, then we will just have to put Intense effort into it. You no doubt have ideas on that..."

"Hn."

"Ah, how Youthful!" Rock Lee said. "But we should only use the Silly String if he sleeps in, my friend."

The two shared a smirk. _This will be a good day,_ Sasuke thought.

##

**0345 h. Near the Convenient Elm 24 Hour Shopping Arcade.**

"... alright, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto blinked. Where was he? That was... the Cooking With Dog All Night Diner and Bakery? This was near the Hokage mansion. He had been rather pointedly heading in the opposite direction.

"Wha...?"

"Easy, Uzumaki-kun," another voice said, and he looked to his left. Was she... KeiBu by the badge, he recognized her. One of the ones Sasuke made a point to talk to...

"Junko-chan...? Whur..." Belatedly, he realised that not only was he near Jii-jii's residence, but the two women were leading him there.

"You seemed... rather distracted when Mio-sensei found you walking around with a half eaten melonpan," Junko explained.

Melonpan? He was planning to get a pretzel, wasn't he, and that was the other way from Jii-jii's. Why were this lady and Junko-chan taking him to Jii-jii? Wait, was that Mio-sensei? There was something about Mio-sensei, he didn't want her around...

He tried to jerk loose of the grip on his right side. "Na--meeyo--sesee..." But his movements were weak. Damn it, he wasn't weak, he could talk!

"Naruto-kun! Shizuka-san--"

"It's bad. Here, I'll--"

The police officer gently but firmly touched his neck--

##

**0345 h. Team Anko HQ.**

Sakura honestly started most of her days ambivalently. Nights waiting for her parents to get back from "business trips" (honest or Ne) or Jinya to get in from an investigation had taught her anticipation in and of itself was a rotten go board, not a game she wanted to play.

The closet opened, and a man in a black raccoon mask emerged.

Sakura blinked at him, then shook her head. "Of _course_ Danzou-jii-san would have one of his damn secret passages in any house that family owned."

"One?" Ne's Super Honest Man asked.

Sakura gave a resigned little laugh as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "... right. Raccoon-ne-niisan," Sakura began.

"I'm here to give your teammates and Team Thirteen the official Ne briefing," Raccoon said. "It would be rather stupid to force you to dance around it your whole career."

Sakura smiled. "Well then, let me introduce you to them," she said, fixing her hair behind her head band and heading to the door. "They're a friendly Idiot and a charismatic Prick, but they're tolerable enough in small doses."

She stopped in front of the sliding door to Naruto's room and made to tap on it when it opened to reveal Sasuke. Lee stood behind him.

A dozen ideas for cracks about what they were doing in there died in her boisterous aspect's throat when she noticed the naked worry on Sasuke's face and saw what he was holding.

"Naruto has not been taking his pills," Sasuke said.

Raccoon instantly tapped something in his ear. "Raccoon to all forces, we have code Ramen Crash, Ramen Crash." He raised his head. "Do you know how many doses he's missed?"

"This is his bi weekly box. It should be half full, but it has nine doses in it," Sasuke said blandly.

"So at least three. Damn," Raccoon cursed.

"Naruto and Sarutobi-sama have _talked_ about this," Sasuke said, and his voice was growing flatter. It suddenly occurred to Sakura that the more Sasuke felt, the less he showed.

"ANBU-san," Lee finally asked, "why is your mask black?"

##

**0356 h.**

"I was just here to give a briefing," Raccoon said, shrugging.

Anko shook her head. "Fine. You've put out a call, I assume?"

The Ne just nodded.

"Did you see him leave, Sensei?" Sasuke asked, voice dangerously flat.

"Claimed insomnia, like you did. It was late enough to be early, if you get my drift," she said. "I figured either he honestly was having trouble sleeping or had a bad nightmare and didn't quite feel safe here."

"We've already checked his old apartment," Raccoon said, shaking his head. "And had to break up a fight between two of his neighbors while questioning them. "

"He might have had a bad nightmare and been spotted by a KeiBu," Sasuke said.

"Or maybe hunted down his cousin or one of the other ANBU he knows," Sakura added.

"We've checked at Kakashi's and Iruka's already," Raccoon said. "Kakashi's already got Pakkun and Bisuke tracking him. He wasn't at any of the ANBU barracks or safe houses he's usually taken to--" The Ne raised his hand. "Field Mouse, this is Raccoon. Repeat for confirmation?" He slowly nodded as there was a knock at the door. "Thanks, Field Mouse-- you'll want to get that, Anko-san-- thanks for the update."

Anko moved quickly to the door and opened it, to reveal a white masked ANBU whose visage invoked a bear and bore a crescent on the forehead.

"You're still up," Anko noted flatly.

"Got up early," Moon Bear said, holding out a scroll. "Wife was on standby for the hospital, heard the call, woke me up and got ready to treat him if needed. Not that she was needed, Rin's back. From the Hokage, regarding Uzumaki-kun. He is currently under Sarutobi-sama's care."

"That bad?" Anko wondered, opening the scroll... and whistled even as the most junior of the Hokage's daytime personal guard nodded.

"That bad," Moon Bear sighed.

"Damn it, little bro," Anko murmured.

"Sensei?" Sakura prompted.

Anko turned to see three genin looking back. Sakura had a look of worry battling with curiosity. Sasuke's worry was hidden under his attempt at detachment, but it was there. Lee was chewing on his bottom lip and clenching and unclenching his hands.

Anko and the ANBU shared a look. Anko rolled up the scroll and lit it with a camping jutsu. Like all deliver-and-destroy scrolls, it gave a quick flash and left not even ash.

"Let's just say... even with his deck stacked, and him dealing, Naruto goes bust sometimes," she finally said with a sigh as Moon Bear leaped away. "Thanks, Raccoon. Stop by later, brief all our kids. Until then... Lee, this is Need to Know. Got it?"

The taijutsu specialist looked at the Ne and slowly nodded. "Understood, Anko-sensei."

##

"... what's wrong with him, Jii-jii? What's wrong with the Boss?"

Konohamaru's voice and the smell of the Hokage's pipe let Naruto know the he was quite clearly in the Hokage's residence.

Which meant he was quite clearly busted.

Naruto kept his eyes shut and listened. He hoped Jii-jii didn't just tell the brat what was wrong. He had an Awesome image to protect.

"He's just taken a little ill, Konohamaru. The inin I summoned just left, you saw."

Go Jii-jii.

"But what's wrong with him?"

Naruto suppressed a sigh. Of all the things we share, why did curiosity have to be one?

"Now, Konohamaru--" another voice began, and Naruto's jaw tightened as he recognized it, but wasn't she out of town right now? "I would not just divulge why and how you were ill to Naruto if he asked. Now... unless you want to stay with Asuma-sempai until your mother comes back..."

Ew, Asuma-nii's cigarettes stink.

"Ew, Rin-nee! His cigarettes smell funny!"

Well, kid's got taste.

"Why don't they smell like your pipe, Jii-san?"

Because Jii-jii adds a special--

"... different blends. Now scoot."

Yeah... that's what you'd go with, Jii-jii.

With a sigh, the younger Sarutobi said, "Yes, Jii-sama," and padded off.

Good. Now he'd just lay here until Jii-jii left and then--

"Uzumaki Naruto... I know you are awake."

Naruto sighed and opened his eyes. His gaze fell on the nearby wall clock.

 **0415 h**.

Great. Way past slipping back to their Awesome base undetected time.

"Naruto... why did you stop?" the second voice sighed.

Because the next Hokage is too Awesome to be an invalid for life! Naruto groused internally. He wasn't ready to sit up yet.

"It's vital that you stick to it, Naruto. I want to see you grow old as an Uzumaki should," she said.

I'm fine! Naruto thought. He didn't say it, though. He and Rin had had these words before, and the stubborn inin just couldn't accept--

"Naruto. Sit up."

And there was Jii-jii's Professor-Bordering-on-God voice.

Naruto sat up. Oh, great, the Three Bears were watching. Ice Bear even had a glass of water ready.

Jii-jii had called out the Bears this early. It was before 0500. Even odds his night guards, the Three Mice, were also around.

And there was Nohara Rin.

Same intense brown eyes, somehow making a woman of average height seem to be the largest person in the room. Her brown hair, grown to reach the middle of her back, was in the tight bun she always wore it in when working. And she was in work mode right now. The rectangular purple markings on either side of her cheeks drew your eye to her mouth... which was not in the gentle smile she'd often given him, but was in a tight, worried line.

She held out one hand. His eye followed her left arm down, along the long black sleeve and past the red bracelet to her palm.

There sat the hated blue pills.

Gel caps. For easy swallowing.

If he tried to get away, Naruto wasn't sure he could avoid them all. His chances of getting away from the Hokage and six highly alert ANBU were close to zero. And yes, through the door he saw the KeiBu that served as Jii-jii's obvious guard. And that was assuming Jii-jii hadn't called in more of the elites. Which he wouldn't put past the old man.

And with Rin there? Not happening.

Best get it over with.

"Two to start. Once every five hours to get it going again," Naruto recited.

"Three," Rin corrected.

"Three?" Naruto growled.

"Rin wants to err on the side of caution after your temperature had you passing out and delirious," Jii-jii growled back (who knew monkeys growled?). He leaned in. "Delirious, Naruto. Out of your head, barely walking, unable to talk to tell us anything was wrong. Rin had to use jutsu reserved for Black Blood Fever victims to get your temperature down!"

Naruto was-- scowling. It wasn't a pout. Pouts weren't Awesome. A scowl could be. At least, the Bastard's fan girls seemed to think.

Naruto grabbed the pills, took the glass of water, stuck the pills in his mouth, took a swallow of water, and leaned his head back to help the damn things go down. He then started to gulp down the glass.

"Oh, and I've already sent word to our dear Anko-kun," Rin said far too cheerfully, "so you don't miss another dose."

The sadistic grin on Jii-jii's face and the chuckles of the Bears and the hidden Mice as he sputtered a mouthful of water all over the futon he was on did not improve his mood.

##

**0415 h. Hyuuga Clan Compound, Lilac Avenue. Just... most of Lilac Avenue.**

"And why, exactly, are Uzuki-san and Gekkou-san being denied entrance to the compound?"

Yuugao and Hayate turned and bowed to the eldest member of the Hyuuga main house. "Neji-chourou-sama," the two said.

Hayate had to give him this: Neji the Elder, for whom his grandson was named, was among the aged nin that helped give Konoha its reputation. After all, if they could keep their people alive that long, and that healthy and ready to fight... well, they were doing something right.

The Elder waved off the show of respect and continued to glare at the two guards standing at the gate to the Hyuuga compound. "I asked a question."

"Er... Chourou, given the hour... that is, it is not Hyuuga business that they have--" one guard began.

"One, such clear diction and grammar, Miyako-chan," the elder chided her. Those that said the Elementals didn't do sarcasm had only met the people of Chai. "Second, am I therefore to assume they asked to see Uzuki-san's cousin?"

The two guards looked at each other.

"Well, Isumu?" the Elder said, turning to the man on duty.

The man bowed his head, pointedly keeping his eyes open and direct contact with the Elder's eyes. "Seen in that context, Chourou-sama... we were being petty and picky. You are correct. I--"

"Bring no shame to us," the elder said firmly, "as when confronted with your mistake you addressed it. Never forget what was said of the Uchiha before poor Itachi's madness struck. Let us not go down that road."

Miyako's eyes widened. She faced Yuugao and bowed, making clear eye contact. To the holders of the all-seeing Byakugan, closing eyelids that someone knew you could see through was seen as taunting. "I am deeply sorry, Uzumaki-san!"

Isumu joined her. "Sorry. I shall lead you to Hina-san myself, Uzuki-san, Gekkou-san."

The elder was already signaling the nearby guardhouse for Isumu's replacement. "Please, accept my most sincere apologies as well, Uzuki-san--"

"Chourou," Yuugao drawled, leaning in and hugging the man, "You need only apologise for being so formal."

The old Hyuuga blushed. "Only as the situation demanded, Yuugao-chan-- Miya-kun--"

"I'll try to smirk quieter, Chourou-sama," the woman said, amusement tingeing her voice.

The Elder rolled his eyes as another guard arrived. "Kichirou, Isumu will be escorting our guests to their destination."

##

**0420 h. Redwood Avenue. Nice place to live, if you don't mind the neighbors.**

Tani Sarubo blinked at the man offering his mail to him. "Where's... Haruki?"

"Taichi-sempai got transferred to a new route," the new mail carrier said, holding out his mail with the air of a man who'd rather be just about anywhere else.

Sarubo snatched the offered mail away, scowling. "Do you have any idea who you're talking to, boy?"

The carrier snorted. "A has been, by the looks of it," the young man sassed back, eye pointedly falling to the retired nin's beer belly that was not at all concealed by Sarubo's ill fitting house kimono. " _You_ used to hang with Minato-sama? Please, Tsunade-sama drinks like a fish and still has a flee on sight. Endless Assault? Looks to be well over."

Sarubo's eyes narrowed as he flicked through his mail. "I could kill you and no one would know, boy."

"Doubt it," the carrier yawned. "Something wrong?"

"Is this _all_ my mail?" Sarubo asked, glaring at the younger man.

"It's all the mail I have for you today, Tani-jii," the carrier confirmed.

"You haven't... misplaced any of it...?"

The carrier gave him a flat look. "Every bit of mail addressed to you has gone where it belongs, Tani-san."

Sarubo frowned. "I am expecting some very important correspondence."

"The Konoha Mail Service takes pride in its duties," the carrier said, turning away. "Unlike some I could name."

Sarubo sputtered a bit, then shouted after him. "You best make sure my mail gets to where it should, boy, or I'll have your head!"

The carrier merely kept walking, whistling as he went. After all, he was secure in knowing he had told the truth.

He was pretty sure Sarubo was no where near his prime.

Any attempt by the man or any catspaws he could hire... the carrier could deal with. And would be blatantly obvious.

That was all the mail he had for Sarubo today. Any letters from the Gatou Corporation were already on Yami's desk. Exactly where such traitorous missives belonged.

The Ne called Honey Badger kept whistling. He'd had worst posts than mailman, and Konoha Post did share an admirable sense of duty with the village's nin...

##

**0423 h. Hyuuga Compound.**

_So, a cop and two ANBU meet in the Hyuuga compound._

It was a corny opening line. Hyuuga Hina knew. And normally it might lighten her mood a bit. But instead she was tapping her badge against her table-- the one Kushina had bought her as a wedding gift-- and doing it so hard a small part of _her_ was worried for the dent that may result.

"... let me see if I understand this," Hina said, as evenly as she could manage. "Our clan has basically been led to sabotage our clan head, Kushina and Minato's son, by Minato's one time teammate and friend. As a bonus, he is using Uzumaki money to prop up a man who is treating Nami as his personal fiefdom and is so idiotic as to think he can make inroads here."

"And we need to but speak to end it all," Yuugao said.

Hina stopped tapping. "... what?"

Yuugao smiled at her cousin. "Hina... allow me to explain one of those mental snags Raito-kun's always going on about. It's called the Tyranny of the Few..."

##

**0430 h. Hatake Residence.**

"So I," Kakashi said, frowning at his own reflection as he took in the black clothing that was the base of his own ANBU uniform, "am supposed to just go in to work at the Academy today as if my sensei's son didn't almost hospitalize himself?"

"Yes," Rindou said bluntly as she held out his flak jacket. "And you will do it with a smile when you remember the casual neglect many of your staff indulged in did not help."

Kakashi slowly grinned, before putting on his clan's emblematic face mask and then taking the offered flak. "Should I get the old Hound mask from storage?"

"Oh, no, dear. I think Hiruzen would frown at causing full on heart attacks."

"Mm, true."

"Now, maybe that nice sword Marigold gave us for our anniversary strapped on your back..."

"The bastard sword? Oh, yes. Nice. Invoke the whole, kill you with anything I can get my hands on vibe. Pass me my arm guards... oh. Oh."

"What?" Rindou asked, noting the slant to her husband's exposed brow the indicated his current smile was evil.

"I need to send Pakkun to tell Iruka to dress appropriately. They need a reminder my second is more than a kindly school teacher."

Rindou blinked at him, and then realisation dawned. She reached out and started undoing his flak jacket.

"Rindou-chan--"

"I'm sorry, but we're going to have to have sex before you go now, handsome devious genius husband."

"Oh, if you insist," Kakashi said, as his mask was ripped off.

Luckily he had spares.

##

**0445 h. VOC #5. An Early Start.**

"... this is that yard Naruto turned into a bully trap," Sasuke said, blinking at their destination.

"Ah, indeed, Sasuke-kun!" Gai agreed. "This most Youthfully challenging array of traps was designed as a place to bait the un-Awesome to. That in his efforts Naruto designed something that only just falls short of a C-rank VOC is a testament to his Youthful ingenuity!"

Neji shook his head, activating his Byakugan and stepping forward. "If _Naruto_ designed it--"

Gai yanked him out of the way of a hail of wooden practice shuriken.

Neji panted. "So fast-- saw them coming but didn't have time to..."

"It is recommended you start the course," Anko said with a grin as she drew a blade, "with kunai ready."

Tenten blinked, and gained a manic grin. "Please tell me Naruto has a schematic for this place," she stage whispered.

"Cross my palms with a BLT, and I'll convince him to let you see all five revisions," Sasuke said.

"Done," Tenten agreed. "Oh, this is gonna be fun!"

##

**0450 h. Hokage's Study. And the Professor does indeed often study there.**

"What!" Naruto said, looking at the Hokage's crystal ball in naked shock and outrage. "My yard? They're using my yard as a VOC and I'm stuck here? Oh, root rot!"

Rin gave the sulking Naruto a look, then leaned closer to the Hokage. "Does he think he's scowling?" she stage whispered.

"I know he doesn't realise how cute it is," Sarutobi answered out of the side of his mouth.

Naruto's pout deepened and he pointedly turned away from the two-- and blinked as a bright light flashed at him accompanied by a click. He looked at Genma, part of the Hokage's KeiBu Protection Squad. He looked at the camera in Genma's hand. His eyes widened in panic as the police man grinned.

"I think a certain Sweetie with a Sitar should see how cute this is. Or maybe that manly friend of yours in Alabasta. Or your dear Flower of Kells..."

With a whiney cry of, "Genma-nii, you traitor!", the Uzumaki gave chase as Genma took off just fast enough to taunt him with the camera just out of reach. Rin chortled and Hiruzen chuckled, as Genma's fellow KeiBu Raidou Namiashi and Iwashi Tatami egged him on.

"He'll be able to eat breakfast with his friends, then?" Sarutobi asked while their charge was distracted.

"Should be fine," Rin agreed. "As long as Anko--"

Doormouse emerged from the shadows. "I will personally insure that Mitarashi-san gets his pills."

Rin handed the pill box to the Ne to her left and nodded thanks. As the black masked elite vanished, she giggled as Genma restrained Naruto through the simple means of a hand on the younger nin's forehead.

Evade his elders, maybe. Beat... not yet.

 _But someday, Sensei,_ Rin reflected. _Someday._ And she reflexively fingered her sensei's last gift to her, the small seal over her heart hidden under her shirt.

##

**0505 h. You don't run Naruto's Course. You** **_solve_ ** **it.**

"Hn."

"Indeed, Sasuke, my Cool and Hip Rival is adapting rather well after that slightly un-Youthful start!"

"Hn?"

"Well, once he gets his mind set on something, his Intensity can lead to rather Awesome things, yes."

"Hn."

"True, my friend. It can also lead him astray. I fear he errs too far to the Hip side of the Will of Fire."

"Hn."

"Eh, spars with Kakashi give me enough of a counter balance for my Youthful Flames."

"Hn."

" _Will you two stop thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa_ \--"

There was a thud after that rather interesting interruption to Neji's rebuke. Lee and Sasuke carefully inched up to the pit the Hyuuga had just fallen in.

"Hn."

"Indeed, Sasuke. Indeed," Lee agreed sadly.

"Uchiha," Neji prompted.

"Hn?"

"Why does it smell like... ammonia down here, Uchiha?"

".... hn...." Sasuke temporalized.

"Oh, please, Sasuke!" Lee said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Don't be un-Awesomely cagey with us now."

"Hn," Sasuke said firmly, gesturing to Neji below.

"... very well, but I want the whole story later," Lee said.

"Hn," Sasuke agreed.

"WILL YOU TWO PLEASE-- GAH! Where'd he get the special paint to prevent climbing the walls?"

"Hn," Sasuke said, shaking his head.

"Indeed, Sasuke. It is the Intense mystery... of NARUTO!"

Neji sighed as South Blue mariachi music began playing to accompany Lee and Sasuke's "dramatic mystery pose".

"He's corrupted the Uchiha."

"Hn."

"Indeed, assuming _I_ am the corrupter. How un-Youthful, Neji."

The Hyuuga sighed. "Get Gai-sensei. Please."

"Do not worry, Neji! This is only the sixth time you've needed Sensei's help!" Lee consoled him.

"Just... get Gai-sensei."

##

Sakura and Tenten leaned on each other, trying to control their laughter as they watched Neji struggle loose of Gai's grip-- and tumble right back into the same pit.

"So... Naruto had a bully in there... and he... made like a Inuzuka?" Tenten managed.

"Stop reminding me!" Sakura said, covering her mouth.  
  
"I... wish I could say Neji didn't deserve it..." Tenten managed.

"But... since he does..." Sakura amended with a grin.

"Ladies?" Anko prompted, appearing between the two.

"Tenten! I challenge you to a speed run of the VOC!" Sakura announced loudly and boldly.

"Oh! Sensei! Hear! The Youthful Cherry Blossom is being so Awesome as to challenge the Intense Tenten!"

"Such Youth!"

"Such Vigor!"

"It is so inspiring!"

"Indeed, Gai-sensei!"

"Rock Lee!"

" _Gai-sensei!_ "

"Can it wait until I'm back out of--"

" _Rock Lee! Sasuke!_ "

"Er--Gai-sensei, Lee."

"So that's a no... Fate, you bitch..."

"GAI-SENSEI! SASUKE!"

"ROCK LEE! SASUKE!"

As he was swept into the embrace, Sasuke smirked ever so slightly. "Hn."

Gai gasped. "HIP YET YOUTHFUL!"

"TRULY HIS FLAMES ARE IN BALANCE!" Lee agreed.

The sunset appeared, and then...

"A lightning bolt across a sunset," Sakura said, naked admiration in her voice. "Gai-sensei really is no slouch at genjutsu."

Tenten hmmed agreement. "By the way--" the older genin took off running. "Challenge accepted."

Sakura met her sensei's eyes... and grinned.

"You. You're going to cheat _better_ , aren't you?" Anko said, naked pride in her voice.

Sakura nodded.

"Go get 'er, Pinkie," Anko said, wiping whatever was making her eyes so moist away.


	2. Chapter 2

**0511 h. The Wet Bar is LOCKED before 1200 h, Icebear.**

Naruto, finally tired out (though neglecting his medicine likely hampered him, Rin was joyously pointing out) turned back to the crystal ball that had projected the images that had set him off. "Oi, Jii-jii... your Peeping Tom trick--"

"I only use it for that on Sennin-bi, and only on the baths that permit it," Hiruzen rebuked his surrogate grandson with great dignity. Looking at the assembled Nin, he saw the naked disbelief on Rin, Naruto, and his bodyguards' faces. He practically tasted the incredulous stares of the hidden Three Bears.

"... I do stick to areas where peeping is expected and permitted," he insisted.

"... That I'll buy," Rin agreed.

"He's a pervy Jii, but an honourable one," Naruto agreed.

Genma and Raidou nodded to each other.

"And, that aside... it's called the Toumegane no Jutsu," Hiruzen explained.

"... and can you use just any glass ball?" Naruto wondered.

"Ah, good question," Hiruzen said, and rolled the ball slightly. "Look closely," he suggested, and Naruto leaned in.

"Mmm... oh! It's a seal array, etched in the glass! Cool!" Naruto frowned. "It looks-- oh, oh, oh, neat!"

Rin blinked. "What?"

"Well," Naruto said, "I was going to say it looked half formed, like it could mold chakra but not direct it... but then I figured that that's why you need to _cast_ the jutsu, it finishes what the seal started!"

"Very good!" Hiruzen said. "You can place the array on any glass surface... but it has to be etched in."

"Oh. So it's like carving a seal into a rock or something, and you have to be really careful to do it right, right?" Naruto nodded. "What's the range?"

"The base range is about a kilometre," the Hokage said. "But... there's a trick." He gestured Naruto closer, and leaned in. "You can tie the array into a barrier or sensing jutsu."

"... like the ones around the village!" Naruto crowed.

"Exactly. Then, the range is the barrier, _plus_ the kilometre radius. It is always limited to one location and range of focus at a time-- I can see the whole village like a bird, or I can zoom in on a particular shop or part of a training ground. That's where the name comes from, it works like a telescope. And if a person is constantly under the barrier the Toumegane no Jutsu is tied to, you can locate them within the range."

"... that's how you knew where Iruka-sensei and I were the night Mizuki pulled his shite!" Naruto realized. He frowned. "So... who set this one up?"

"Mito-sama gave it to her husband as a gift when Hashirama-sensei was elected the Shodai. It's been part of the Hokage's office ever since."

Naruto slowly grinned. "So.... it'll be _mine_ one day," he said impishly.

"Perhaps. One only hopes you share my restraint," the aged Kage countered.

"Heh, yeah-- OI! Jii-jii!"

##

**0515 h. Some people just solve it better.**

Tenten glared daggers at the young woman standing before her.

"What took you so long, Sempai?" Sakura asked with mock concern.

"... you know a safe path, don't you?" Tenten growled.

"Kiba showed most of the class. Iruka-sensei insisted, because it's so close to the Academy, and it'd be embarrassing if Naruto's classmates couldn't make it through," Sakura explained. "It was easy, given he lost a bet or something and ended up Naruto's test dummy."

Tenten nodded, leaning over and panting, trying to catch her breath. Then she looked up. "Waitaminute," she said, as practically one word. "That means... Sasuke knows a safe way too, right?"

"Yes," Sakura agreed. "But he also knows Neji-san is trying to keep up with him and Lee to prove he can beat them."

"... does anyone on your team _not_ have a manipulative streak?" Tenten wondered.

"... is anyone on yours not at least slightly masochistic?" Sakura countered.

"... granted."

##

**0520 h. Audience Chamber. For when the Kage just NEEDS to glare at someone from a Dias.**

Hiruko Ebisu was blinking at his Hokage. "Re... re-assigned, sir?"

Hiruzen sighed as he tapped his pipe on the desk. Genma, bless him for taking Chiaki's place in the matter, came over with a tray of balls of tobacco. The Hokage picked a fine cut blend from East Blue, one that growing up his children had often commented on finding pleasant and that seemed to put his nin at ease.

And while he wanted Ebisu to regret and reflect.... he had no interest in him sulking too deeply.

"Ebisu," the Hokage said gently, "I know you can teach. I have seen the results of your teaching, both from your days at the Academy and from others when you tutored them-- from Academy-sei to Jounin. You've helped people make remarkable leaps. And yet, with Konohamaru..."

He paused. Ebisu did not immediately offer excuse or defense, re-affirming the Kage's basic assessment of the man as a good one, despite all recent problems.

"... not only did he not curtail his little 'attempts' on me... but... Ebisu, he learned more in one afternoon from a yet to be confirmed genin then he did in a month with you. A genin you deemed unworthy of attention. A genin you ignored." The Hokage held up a folder. "One with an S-Rank secret even he does not know."

Ebisu paused in reaching for the offered file. "I thought... Naruto was recently told of the fox."

"Indeed," the Hokage agreed.

Ebisu frowned, and took the file. Giving the aged Kage a wary look, he opened the folder.

##

**0525 h.**

"... breathe, Ebi-kun, breathe," a voice was calmly admonishing him. An achingly familiar one.

Ebisu looked up to meet the gaze of a woman he'd often trained beside.

"Rin-sempai... did you know?" he asked. Pleaded really.

Rin shrugged. "So does Tani Sarubo, and he's not exactly been kind to Naruto."

Ebisu sighed. "It... it wasn't even the fox.... I had... how could I not see? Of course he wouldn't be like the Kushina-sensei I knew! He's a child. Was a child. Fuck."

"Ebisu."

Ebisu looked up, and made to stand from the couch-- how'd he end up on a couch?-- he was on. Sarutobi gestured for him to stay sitting.

"Ebisu. I will have missions for you, but for now..." the Hokage drew on his pipe, then pulled it from his mouth to gently wave it at the tokujou, smiling lightly even as he chided him. "Perhaps take the time until then to reflect?"

Ebisu shut his eyes. _Breathe,_ he told himself. "I... think that would be wise, Hokage-sama."

##

**0530 h. And sometimes... it solves you...**

"He's glaring at us because he was the last one through?" Sakura asked.

"No, because 'Fate' hasn't slammed us back in the places he's made in his head for us yet," Tenten explained.

"Oooooh."

Lee sighed. "So Cool and Hip, Neji." That earned him an extra glare.

"Hn."

"Oh, but _he_ is Cool and Hip in excess, Sasuke. You are moderating yours with Awesome Intensity."

The Uchiha's brow furrowed slightly, then he smirked and offered the Rock clan member his fist. "Hn."

"SASUKE!" Rock Lee declared happily, bumping fists with him.

Neji just groaned as a sunset crossed by lightning once more appeared behind them.

##

**0532 h. If they want to spend the night in the same bed, that ain't nobody's business but their own.**

Tsume looked up from her copy of Hi no Mainichi Shimbun-- Hi no Kuni's National Daily Newspaper-- at Hiashi. "What is it, dear?"

Hiashi's smirk continued unabated. "I sense both that Sasuke is lightening up, and that Neji's stupidity is being challenged. You're here with me... yes, this will be a good day."

She chuckled at him. "The breakfast in bed the youngest brought us is a nice touch."

Said chibi-Hyuuga popped up on her side of the bed, holding out a platter. "More bacon, Tsume-kaa-chan?"

"Such a sweet girl. Get up here," Tsume said, gesturing for Hanabi to crawl into the spot between them. "I'll read you the four panel funnies while your dad pretends not to be peaking at the business section with his eyes."

"Tsume-chan, you wound me," Hiashi deadpanned. "Of _course_ I'm reading the business section, I'm just not being so rude as to steal your paper to do it."

"Yeah, Tsume-kaa-chan," Hanabi said, snuggling up to the Inuzuka clan head, "if you ever want to marry Tou-san, you need to realise he always has an alibi ready."

"Exactly--" Hiashi began, then gave his youngest a flat look.

"Bet he's wishing he had a paper to shake and retreat behind," Tsume murmured to Hanabi, who giggled.

"Yeah."

Hiashi's smirk returned as he shook his head at the two.

##

**Meanwhile, back by the VOC...**

"...don't think he even needs the rumoured tongue push ups from his skill last night," Anko said, smiling evilly.

"Sensei!" Sakura chided. "Telling your genin this!"

Tenten hid her face behind a small fan she had unsealed. "It's scandalous!"

"It's bawdy!" Sakura elaborated.

"It'll warp our young minds!" Tenten asserted.

"Tell us more," Sakura prompted.

"Well, actually, I think the most romantic thing he did happened after, actually," Anko said with a sigh. "I told him I had some paper work that absolutely _had_ to be filed today... and he let me go do it without a fuss."

The two girls squealed. "He let you do your job without guilt," Tenten said, and turned to her blushing Sensei. "Gai... you are truly an Awesome Man Among Men, in a way that Ranma-sama can respect."

Gai's blush deepened. "Thank you, Tenten." Then he suddenly found himself staring into vibrant green eyes.

"You," Sakura declared with sudden intensity, "are marrying Sensei. And/or entering into whatever domestic agreements suit you both and results in kids Auntie Sakura gets to spoil."

"Rock clan families tend to be large," Lee noted helpfully. "I myself have five sisters and a little brother."

Sakura backed up from Gai and looked at Lee. "...really?"

"I am the only ninja in my immediate family, admittedly," the young man reflected.

Without looking, Sakura reached over and grabbed her sensei's arm. She pulled the chuckling woman over to stand beside Gai, and took the two in.

Sasuke looked at Lee and rolled his eyes as Sakura's smile grew almost maniac.

"I think it's Youthful," Lee noted. He turned to Neji, who had a small smirk on his face as he also regarded Gai and Anko.

Then he noticed Lee noticing and hurriedly turned away.

Sakura clasped her hands in front of her and started dancing around Tenten, who smiled even as she answered her more sedately.

"Oh, just picture it Tenten! Little boys with that Rock Clan hair and Sensei's eyes!"

"Hopefully Mother's eyebrows too."

"Yes, yes! And little girls, with their mom's hair-- including eyebrows- and those wide Rock Clan eyes! _So Cute!_ "

"What's wrong with my eyebrows?" Gai wondered, looking slightly wounded.

Sakura perched her chin on his shoulder a moment. "Nothing. They just need to grow into that Awesomeness."

"Ah, how Youthful."

"And you'll teach them weapons!" Sakura said, returning to dance around Tenten, "And I'll make sure they don't slack off on Academics and the _Academy will see the_ ** _cutest little generation of students EVAH--_** "

"Sakura. Please. For the love of the Forest... take it down a rank."

The group turned to the voice.

Sakura blinked. "Naruto?"

Hyper. Annoying. Knuckle-headed. Impish. Idiot. Slacker. Surprising. Jovial.

Those terms, she was used to applying to Uzumaki Naruto.

Drained? Not how she'd describe him.

But right now, with a KeiBu on either side, drained was what fit.

Naruto waved his hand weakly. "Hi."

"We are returning Genin Uzumaki to his sensei's care," one of the KeiBu said, cutting his thumb with a kunai and pulling out a scroll. He dabbed the seal holding it shut with blood, and passed it to Anko, who already had her thumb cut. She opened the scroll, nodded, shook off the offered pen and instead pulled an ink-stamp from the crevice of her bosom. "My chop," she explained, as she dabbed blood near the base of the handle. The KeiBu nodded his acceptance as Anko stamped whatever was on the scroll.

"You look terrible," Sakura observed.

Naruto avoid her eyes. "Didn't sleep well."

"You tend not to when you skip your meds," Sasuke said flatly.

Naruto turned to him. "I don't need you--"

"Seems like you do, Thin Hammer, as you haven't been taking them," Sasuke interrupted.

"Bastard," Naruto said. "I'll be fine."

Sakura heard a stamping sound and glanced over to see Neji rather pointedly trying not to favour his right foot while Tenten gave her a tight smile and nod. Sakura inwardly found her collective selves giving sighs of relief. If Neji tried the tack Sasuke was, they'd have a brawl.

"Naruto... are you sure you wouldn't be better off resting? I'm not saying give the day a bye, I'm saying--"

"I'm fine!" Naruto insisted. Sakura glanced at Sasuke, who confirmed her hunch with a slight head shake. Pushing Naruto further would just make him more stubborn.

"Oh, I agree," Sensei said, laying a hand on Naruto's shoulder.

Naruto smiled broadly. "See?" Then he squawked as his sensei's grip ever so slightly tightened. He tilted his head back to see his sensei giving him the "doom comes for thee" smile.

"... as long as he takes his pills," Anko drawled, leaning closer. "Right, Orange-minion?"

Naruto gulped. "Right, Nee-sensei."

"You are on a pill course as well?" Lee asked.

Naruto turned and blinked at him. "You... take pills?"

Lee nodded. "Indeed. Every morning, I take a Youthful course of five medicines. As I am training to use the Eight Gates, my body needs help to maintain prime condition and insure I do not damage it as I learn the proper methods of opening them!"

Naruto blinked again, looking warily at the older boy. "It's... about time for breakfast, right?"

##

**0538 h. Back at Team Anko HQ and Sanitorium.**

"... we were very traditional with meals," Sasuke began, knowing that most others could start a conversation smoother. "Breakfast was even more stringently traditional than this. We'd have the smoked fish and rice-- but the rice would be served as tamago gan."

"With the raw egg?" Sakura asked, surprised.

"As I said, quite traditional," Sasuke said. "Kaa-san struck on the idea of serving it dolsot-- in a heated earth bowl-- and in our house the tamago gan was replaced by dolsot bibimbap. T... Tou-san was fond of it, and sold it to visiting members of the extended clan as 'honouring our Uzu allies'." He smirked. "One of the best breakfasts we'd ever had was when my mother served it to Senju Tsunade. She's stern, but a nice lady, and her grandmother was Mito-sama. She... teared up, and said she was glad the Uchiha loved their allies as the Senju did. My father saw a political coup. The rest of us were just glad to see her smile."

Sakura smiled. "I once had a rice omelet made by 'Black Leg' Sanji."

Naruto turned to her. "The... the Pirate King's Chef?"

Sakura sighed. "We didn't even have business with the fleet. My parents were in a Chai port... I was three, so forgive me for forgetting which one... and upon hearing that people from Konoha were in town when he was, Monkey-sama sent word that we had to dine with him. Because Konoha was Awesome, and the Hokage had an Awesome name. Took us a while to get there... now that I think about it, he originally sent Zoro-sama to get us, and it took a Keltic man who was in the fleet to come get us. But we got there. And... you know, that hat of his has been fixed a lot, I noticed orange hair woven into it, and his wife was standing beside him, so I said, 'he don't make you use your hair, do he?'"

Everyone laughed. Well, Neji smirked, but it was something Sasuke wagered.

"And so, the King of the Pirates, Monkey D. Luffy, kneels in front of me... and there's this girl beside him, maybe twice my age, closer to Jinya's. And Monkey-sama grins, pats my head, and asks, 'Well, what would you like for breakfast, kiddo?' And I just smile and say, 'Rice Omelet with Ham and Ketchap!' And he turns and shouts, 'A rice omelet with lots of ham and ketchup!' And he turns back and starts talking to my parents... but I spent most of the meal talking to his daughter, Ace, and playing with her and his son, Beau. It was the best damn rice omelet ever."

"Never met the Pirate King," Naruto said sadly. "He meets Jii-jii in one of the ports that Hi's given us as Hidden Territory. But, but I do remember once that I was having breakfast with Jii-jii., and a visitor came. And I remember, this was one of the few guys who could come without, like... five weeks notice. He was a Keltic Lord. Looked after a territory called ... Dunshelm! That was it!"

"... you had breakfast with Lord Treguard of Dunshelm?" Neji said, voice dripping with disbelief.

"Neji-sempai," Sakura said far too sweetly, "given that Naruto regularly trades sealing tips with the Toad Sannin, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt."

"Oh, you did catch that," Naruto said, smirking at her. "Cool. Took you less time than Sasuke."

"I told you--"

"Evidence or you're trying to save face, Bastard."

"Damn thin hammer," Sasuke grumbled, smirking.

"You held off telling him you knew," Lee chided.

"Hn."

"But deserved," Lee countered.

"Hn," Sasuke agreed, ruefully. "I assume the Hokage and his guest said much of interest."

"Jii-jii and Treguard? Well, see, Treguard has two jobs. Teaching Keltic knights and keeping a lid on this place called Knightmare Castle. See, above ground it's actually his family's traditional home. But in the three levels underneath-- hooboy..."

##

**0605 h. Deeper underground.**

Ami was in a maze of twisty passages that would look all alike to anyone that didn't practically live under Konoha.

She did.

Ami was Ne. One of those trained to do horrible, dark things for love of the Leaf.

And she was standing outside Yami's office, in duty dress, mask in hand, blade at her side.

Waiting for Yami to let her in, she ran an equipment check.

Black Porcupine Mask? Check.

Standard issue Ne uniform? Check.

Holster containing more senbon than most would think, even with seals? Check.

Standard issue Ne tanto, in sheath at side? Check.

Standard issue clan kukri, sealed in left arm? Check.

Not so standard, but still commonly used barong sealed in left thigh? Check, stereotypical woman's weapon that it was.

Concern over why Yami wanted to see her when he gave her a week off to enjoy being a simple book seller? Check.

Ami placed her mask upon her face, and the humble bookseller Maki Ami was replaced by the no-nonsense certified Konoha Badass Ne Agent Porcupine.

She had her badass certification sealed on the back of her left hand. That wasn't standard, but useful. The seal in her senbon holster wasn't standard, either-- but fuck, not letting an Uzumaki use seals was akin to ramen without the broth.

Stupid AND sacrilege.

She knocked on the door.

"Who enters the darkness?"

"A humble root of the great tree," Ami called. "Porcupine, reporting as requested."

The door opened, and she entered.

If Danzou calling her off her leave was not troubling enough, Sai not greeting her with a smile and a hearty, "Airhead-nee," was setting off alarm bells.

And Danzou-- the eternal Poker Face on Duty-- looked concerned.

"I summoned you here as Porcupine. But... this is a duty for Maki Ami of the Uzumaki as well. Attend."

He gestured to the open file on the desk before her.

"That is Kazuhiro Gatou. As his name would indicate, his family were once stone masons. Gatou's grandfather made them passable merchants. Gatou himself has become a thug with aspirations of Yakuza-hood. And he called himself to our attention by attempting to use in town proxies to buy the Uchiha lands."

She frowned at the man in the photo. "Not the first to make such a transparent play. Is it not protocol to warn them off or feed him to the local yakuza?"

Danzou shook his head. "He has proven... insistent on being noticed. The Hokage's ire was truly raised, however, when he found the man was waging a terror campaign in Nami partly funded by Konoha monies. Including money redirected from the care of Uzumaki Naruto by Tani Sarubo."

Ami clamped down on herself so firmly she froze. It was better than the other urges that struck her in that moment.

After a moment's silence, Danzou smirked. "Permission and encouragement to speak freely, Ami."

Several curses from around the Sphere occurred to her, but there was speaking freely and doing something that would violate her Badass certification. So instead, she took a deep breath, and lifted her mask- free speech permission implied 'let me see your face'.

"Yami-sama, how public should Kazuhiro Gatou's painful death be, and how much of an ... obvious example... does the Hokage wish made of Tani Sarubo?" She frowned. "And while we are considering these matters, another thought occurs. Are either of the bodies to remain whole?"

Danzou gave a hard smile. "A certain pair of merchants are heading to Nami; the Hokage is sending that boy's team as bodyguards, and using it as cover for infiltration for the Yamada's delightful children. This should tell us exactly how angry the Hokage will be with Gatou."

Ami slowly nodded. The Haruno, Team Con, and a team with at least two members who would kill for Naruto. Kazuhiro Gatou was dead.

"As to how long Sarubo lives... indefinitely. He has irritated our Kage, his advisers, several of your clan, and myself far too much." Danzou stood, leaning on his desk. "Porcupine. You are charged with two tasks. First gather evidence so that none may question our Kage's judgement. Then, once the need is shown... you are assigned the character assassination of Tani Sarubo, the Endless Assault, the supposed friend of the Fourth. Make his clan curse his birth, make his name a curse, make his crimes outweigh his graces... and use his disgrace to push Uzumaki Naruto closer to what he should be in the minds of the Leaf."

_I see. Danzou-sama is in a 'Death would be a mercy, and I'm not feeling merciful' mood today. Since my target is guilty of financial shenanigans, the logical place to find evidence would be the bank. Since I am Ne, obviously I'm not walking in the front door in full uniform and requesting to speak with the manager._

Ami considered the clock.

"You're already plotting how to enter the air vent service area at the bank, aren't you?" Danzou deadpanned.

Ami had the grace to blush, then stood at attention. "What resources are available to me and what time frame is assumed?"

"You may tap Mitarashi Uirou and Matsumoto Rei from Intelligence for analysis. As well, Shin and Sai are both at your disposal. You have a month, though that may change if events in Nami warrant."

"Sir. Weekly reports as standard or more frequent?"

"At least, more if the situation calls for it. Oh. I have also replaced his mail carrier with an agent. Honey Badger. Sarubo has delivery to door," Danzou said distastefully. Something in her stance must have given Ami's thoughts on that away. "Speak."

Ami frowned. "Sir, Honey Badger is one of your best infiltrators. But.... I worry he does not have the right motivation for this."

Danzou smirked. "Do not fall into the trap others do, Ami. It is not that Honey Badger doesn't give a shite about anything. It is that he is very selective about that which he gives a shite about. Being a regular member of Naruto's night guard when off duty... he has enough shite that Tani-san may be buried in it before we're done."

Ami... never thought a metaphor so laden with excrement would be re-assuring. "Thank you, sir. I understand." She bowed to Danzou. "By your leave?"

"Go. Sai, with Ami."

Sai rose, and strode over to join her. "Can we subtly torment him, Nee-san? Can we, can we?

Ami contemplated Sai a moment. "Actually, I'm wondering how he'd react to the Smile."

Sai scowled. "Already tried it when he bugged Fangless-nee. Folded faster than one of Liar-nee's origami."

The Uzumaki patted his head. "There there. You can cause slow creeping panic in anyone we have to interrogate."

"Yay!"

Ami smiled and ruffled Sai's hair. "Now, first stop... Parker's Bakery!"

"...what?" Sai wondered as they exited Danzou's office.

"Sai. We are dealing with Anko's cousin in this. And the best way to grease the wheels with a Mitarashi... is via their sweet tooth!"

********  
  


##

**0610 h.**

The resigned look on Hirokawa Mio's face made Hiruzen quickly re-consider his approach. This woman was not going to plead, or beg; there was a chance for an explanation and honesty here.

She was young for an academy sensei. Seventeen, and already a chuunin for three years. But she was field proven, equally able to use her curvy figure for "social work" and the unexpected muscle underneath for the harder side of a nin's life.

That said, her academic record both during and after academy was stunning. Her twin passions were smith work and Hi folk tradition, and her articles and papers on both were widely read and appreciated.

She'd practically raised two siblings and three cousins, and all five served with honour. She had a way with kids that made Hiruzen puzzled. After reviewing her files... she should have been an exceptional teacher.

"So. Banish him from your classroom, but can't let him stumble around town sick?"

Mio had the grace to grin wryly. "Context is everything. Out there, he was just a fellow nin who was in a bad way. At the Academy..."

Hiruzen settled on a cushion that one of the Mice had silently produced. He signaled for the three night guards to go, but sensed them stand as resolute as the Bears and the Lightning Bolts (because it wasn't enough for Minato to master Tobirama-sensei's Hiraishin, he had to teach his freaking KeiBu honour guard a modified version).

He'd praise their loyalty, if he did not know:

1) Every ANBU, Ne, and KeiBu-- at least the ones that didn't end up subject of a court martial or a stalled career-- considered Naruto their much beloved, if slightly irritating, cute little cousin or brother;

2) All nin are incurable gossips on any secret that their leader didn't classify once for each kami.

Therefore: gossip about Naruto? Prime shite, as they said in Kells, and something they'd want to know any way.

Hiruzen considered Mio for a slow, careful ten count. "You have the look of someone who would offer an explanation. Such is welcome, Hirokawa-kun, but I must warn you-- excuses are not."

"I will not ask for mercy," Mio agreed. "I cannot. Hokage-sama, I dealt with this wrong from the start. I should have reported it at once..." The young woman bowed her head. "You are aware of my origins."

"I know that when you and your little brother arrived nearly falling down under the weight of every relative you could save, Minato spent his day being quite terse with some Kiri oi-nin. You are a refugee from the Kekkei Genkai purges. Nemuranou, if I recall correctly." Which he should, having read it scant minutes ago. "You even hold something of a record for its use, going a full six months without sleep."

"Yes. It's sad, Mother warned me that one drawback of the Sleepless Mind is more time to worry..." There were tears in Mio's eyes when she met Sarutobi's gaze. "I can go days without sleep and risk spending them all turning a minor issue into a matter of life and death."

He let her breathe, despite his impatience. Part of him was insisting he should have called in Inoichi to handle this. Inoichi was a patient oxeye daisy. Part of Hiruzen was still a curious young monkey.

"I was approached when Uzumaki-kun joined the Academy. It was suggested that he and certain others were better off failing. It was implied that they were willing to do what you apparently had no heart to. I was reminded that jounin of certain levels could assign missions without need of your chop to approve them. I was reminded that I was still eligible for missions during breaks and that my family was likewise eligible at any time. It... I was told..." She bowed her head again. "They said they'd send us to Mizu, Hokage-sama--"

His hands clenched around Enma's staff form, and he heard Genma scuff to a stop and whip his head around to look at them in disbelief.

"Minato made clear when you and others fleeing the Bloody Mist settled here, you would not be sent back. I have continued that policy."

"They said it would be easy to cover it as a simple clerical error, Hokage-sama, and why would you believe a foreigner over members of the Clans," Mio said.

Hiruzen suppressed a growl. Right now, the Old Man was needed, Jii-jii. Her willingness to speak, given the chance, spoke volumes of Hirokawa Mio. He needed her to keep talking.

"Do you know of others that were approached?"

"Yes, and I know who approached them. I can give you--"

He did not even need to gesture; Dormouse appeared as if from the air with a ream of paper and a brush.

"Names," the Hokage ordered. "You will make a list, and then we shall talk further on this. And while amends must be made, Mio-kun... know that your circumstances will be taken into account."

"Thank you, Sarutobi-sama," the young chuunin said. She took the hanky he pulled from his sleeve and returned the reassuring smile, and then took Dormouse's offered implements and began to write. Hiruzen hoped his smile and even temper saw her through it.

Genma knelt down beside her. "I will serve as witness, Sarutobi-sama."

"No loopholes on this," Hiruzen agreed.

Outside, Hiruzen remained calm. Inside, he was plotting exactly how to get the list Mio was making to the right people to ensure the full measure of his displeasure was shown.

##

**0635 h.**

"No offense, Sakura, but past experience says you should be moaning for us to stop," Sasuke noted.

Sakura gave him a hard little grin. "Mizuki said I'd hurt myself chakra boosting."

Sasuke stumbled, then righted himself. He looked at her, one eyebrow raised.

"Apparently the Hokage assigned Hatake Kakashi to head up the Academy-- yes, him-- to figure out who was just showing blatant favouritism and who was sabotaging us. And, you know, not let whatever the idea of 'fair' is that week sway them from good teaching practices."

Sasuke gave her another glance. "Mizuki was not in class due to a reprimand, then."

"No, Mizuki was not in class due to trying to kill Iruka-sensei and Naruto the night before."

"Hn. So our Hokage acted appropriately," Sasuke said flatly. Sakura smirked. She was slowly learning her teammate was arse-backwards in a lot of things, and the less he showed the more he felt.

_Still hotty hotty hotness--_

_Get the hose_ , Sakura told Office Lady and Boisterous.

 _I'll behave,_ Fangirl said, waving a white flag.

Even as this happened, she kept talking. It was good training to not zone out for her internal workings.

"I think... my gut says when Sensei was called away last night, it was related. Maybe questioning another traitor, or Mizuki-baka himself," Sakura said thoughtfully.

"... I think my brother really tried to take advantage of my knee-jerk urge to punish traitors," Sasuke admitted flatly. "I mean... you got it from..."

"Yeah," she agreed.

"Most of my family were KeiBu," Sasuke said. "My cousin Inabi... he was Internal Affairs, you know?"

"The Watchdogs," Sakura said.

"One time, he came back to the compound all beaten up and cursing. His own partner... minor clan, can't even remember which one today-- tried to sell him out to a bunch of KeiBu who were taking bribes. The bastard's reason? 'He nagged me.'"

Sakura blinked at him. "That has got to be one of the most petty, fucked up things I've ever heard."

Sasuke gave one of his trademark grunts. "And Inabi... he was thrashed. Should have gone straight to the hospital, but wanted to tell Dad himself why six members of the force were under a combined KeiBu/ ANBU guard." He snorted. "Come to think, some of those ANBU..." he frowned.

"Were working dark?" Sakura said, smirking. The euphemism meant 'off the books' but to those who knew of Ne, it took on a double meaning.

Sasuke smirked back, then his eyes snapped forward at their sensei's voice.

"Leave my sight, and you can recover in bed," Anko was saying to a pouting Naruto.

"Aw, Nee-sensei! I can keep up with Tenten and Neji, at least--"

"Rin-nee wants my eyes on you, Naruto," Anko was shooting back, hand on his shoulder. "She feels betrayed, Orange-minion. You promised you'd take your pills, and you lied to her."

The accusation made Naruto wince, then his pout deepened. "I'm fine--"

Naruto stumbled, righted himself, and winced as he resumed moving. It was perhaps a mark of how seriously Anko-sensei took the situation that not even a sardonic grin crossed her face.

"He took a greater injury with barely a wince yesterday," Sakura noted.

Sasuke grunted again. "He's always healed fast."

"But he's not healing as fast," Sakura mused.

Sasuke glanced at her. "The pills. You think it's linked," he said.

"It's on my list of possibilities," Sakura agreed. "And while I'm trying to respect his boundaries..."


	3. Chapter 3

**0635 h. Academy Training Ground.**

"Run," Iruka said to Jin Souji.

"What?" his co-worker said intelligently.

"You want to know why I'm wearing the Oinin get up," Iruka said, gesturing to the leather jacket that replaced Konoha flak in his current gear, "then run. You, Youko, and--"

"Me," Kakashi said with a narrowed eye.

Iruka considered his boss a moment, then shrugged. "Sure. Ten minutes, anywhere in town-- leaving town will not be considered cleverly subverting things."

"That include the training grounds?" Souji said, sneering.

"Sure, I'll give you that," Iruka agreed, with that gentle smile of his. "Start now."

The three nin took off in ninja fashion, blink and you miss it for civilians. Heck, in Kakashi's case blink and you miss it for most of his staff.

Iruka just stood there, looking at his hand. He frowned, drew a toothpick, and started cleaning under his nails.

Mako walked up to him. "I suppose an oinin background explains how easily you could find Naruto..."

Iruka chuckled. "No. That was just because we're both pranksters to the core. At least... until last year. Then, yes. I had to step it up. You know what always annoyed me back in the day?"

Mako cocked an eyebrow at him. "What?"

With a snap, a mask was unsealed. "People, even nin, acting like ANBU is a rank rather than a department."

And as he placed his mask on his face, Mako blinked and started laughing.

"Will we feel it?" she asked, still chuckling.

"Oh, given I have a village to sweep... likely," Iruka said, and she could hear the moment his smile went devious.

Suzume was walking up in time to ask, "Feel what?" just as Iruka clicked his tongue and there was a _pulse_ of chakra. Not like the simple gathered chakra of a Ram seal, or a recognition pulse... this was a wave, that seemed to hit them and then... partly pass through and partly bounce back.

"So that's how he did it. It's inspired by their echolocation but doesn't completely emulate it," Mako mused.

Iruka stood stock still a moment, then turned his head, let out another click-- this time she felt no pulse-- waited, nodded, and took off himself.

"Did what?"

"You'll kick yourself," Mako warned.

Suzume sighed. "It's that obvious--" She started. "Wait, Umino Iruka is--"

Iruka strode down the street in front of the Academy, a bound form on his back. Off handedly, he dropped Youko over the fence. "Nice try, but I trap my place to hell and back."

Youko just kept cursing, face beet red.

"Keep an eye on that for me, will you?" Iruka asked the nearest staffer, and waved to the kids watching out the windows-- Kakashi and Mako's class, at the Academy early as directed. They were cheering, evidently having seen the much loved Academy-sensei don his mask. Iruka turned his head, paused, took off--

And came back, chasing Kakashi like a hound who'd spotted his prey. Both men were covered in branches and water, and Kakashi was laughing his head off. Iruka slammed into his commander's back, and the functional cyclops took two more steps before tumbling to the ground, face down. He just managed to lift his head... likely weakened by the paper tag on his back.

"Ouch!" Kakashi said, still laughing. "That's... one of the prisoner detention seals Mito-sama developed, isn't it?"

"Strongest one I had," Iruka shot back. "Wasn't going to let that freaky Hatake chakra break it."

"Damn, I had that bolt hole sealed up..."

"--too tight," Iruka finished, and yanked the older nin to his feet. "Can we call you caught, or do I need to tie you?"

"No, I'm done. And I see. When you couldn't find me... you started looking for gaps in your feedback."

Iruka nodded, taking off the tag. Kakashi raised his assistant's hand and pointed as though presenting a champion, looking up at the watching kids and egging them on as windows were opened allowing cheers to leak out.

Blushing, Kakashi's second pulled his hand loose. "Just luck you were in the first one I checked." Iruka turned, rubbing his chin as Mako and Suzume walked up to Kakashi. They heard Iruka clicking his tongue.

"So, he's Ekou no Iruka," Mako mused.

"If he'd ever used his jutsu in front of you, you'd have seen it," Kakashi noted. "Bastard even developed it sealless first, so it's like Sensei's signature," Kakashi mused, tapping his temple near his covered eye.

"The... Hirashin?" Suzume wondered.

"No. And the Second invented Hirashin--"

"Oh, that fucking idiot!" Iruka suddenly snapped. "Taicho, we need an inin crash squad here yesterday, I've got to go grab a fool."

"Pakkun!" Kakashi called, slamming his palm to the ground. "Rin's in town. Find her, get her to grab a crash team, pronto. Where, Iruka, one of the Variables? The Ravine?" Kakashi said, forming up behind Iruka as Pakkun dashed off.

"Forty-four," Iruka said, voice strained. And the two were off.

Seconds later, a certain pug was leading the Leaf's Balm and three other inin to the Academy.

"Where's the patient?" Nohara Rin prompted with no preamble.

"Rin!" a familiar voice cried. And from some nearby buildings, two forms carrying another on a stretcher emerged.

"Damn it, Kashi, who did what now?" Rin growled, gesturing for them to set her patient down. "He's in an immobilisation and stabilisation barrier, I hope?"

"One of ours-- er, the Oinin," Iruka said, shedding his mask almost carelessly. "So it's medical grade. He's lucky, we got there just as the drop bears were getting frisky."

"Drop-- what the fuck was an Academy-sensei doing in Forty-four during school hours?" Rin growled.

"Trying to prove my second was never an oinin," Kakashi growled right back, as one of Rin's fellows kneeled and started a diagnostic jutsu.

"... Nohara-sensei, we have a shattered arm, his spleen's paste--" the bespectacled man instantly bathed one hand in healing chakra. "Shit, lung and large intestine both punctured!"

"Focus on his lung, Kabuto! I'll handle the intestine!" Rin barked. "Yuu, get blood and chakra booster IVs started!"

The slight blonde instantly began unpacking the items. "Hosensei, the kids upstairs--"

"Those are my kids," Kakashi said firmly. "If they can't handle seeing this from afar..."

The blonde nodded. "I agree, Hatake-sensei. IV ready, Nohara-sensei."

Souji moaned.

"Damn it," Rin cursed. "Yuuma--"

The last member of the team strode forward and kneeled near the patient's head, making a single half seal and holding glowing hands over Souji's head. "Inducing medical coma, Rin-sensei," the chestnut haired man said.

"Good. Shodai knows we don't need him fighting us right now," Rin murmured. "Kabuto, that lung stable yet?"

"Good enough to get him in," the grey-haired inin said. "I can follow after your healing, do sterilization and gather any errant matter so we can remove it later."

"Oh Log," Suzume moaned and backed away. Mako reached out and wrapped an arm around her. "Promise me you won't leave any shite in him, Inin-sensei."

Kabuto looked up at her, eyes gentle. "I would never be so lax in my duties, Nee-san." He looked back down. "I'm picking up some liver damage, but I think he's stable enough to move."

His superior raised her hands, did her own scan, and nodded. "Agreed. Yuuma!" Rin said, getting in position at the patient's feet. Yuuma grabbed the handles on the stretcher by their patient's head. "And, two, three, lift."

"Rin," Kakashi called.

"He'll be alive for you to chew out, Taicho," Rin assured him with a smirk. "Hospital, now--"

Kabuto leaned over. "Wait! Let me check the stabilizer seal!" He laid a hand on it, and smiled. "Umino-san! My compliments on keeping your gear to spec! We're good!"

And the inin were off.

Kakashi turned to his gathered staff, took them in a moment, and sighed.

"Volunteer to cover Souji's class?"

##

**0700 h. Team Anko's Private Playground**

"I'm guessing you'll wear that get up more often now that it's been declared Intensely Youthful," Sasuke said, smirking as he stanced again and then drove his fist forward. He blinked. "Huh. You're right, that did feel smoother."

Rock Lee adjusted his shirt slightly. "Much as I idolize Gai-sensei... it is nice to know I can find my own paths to Youthfulness. And of course it is. Gai-sensei once told me one who sticks purely to forms will find Youthful mastery evades them."

"Hn. I noticed Naruto's wincing through the drills earlier," Sasuke said.

His Intense Uchiha friend often did that. Stating a fact to encourage sharing, rather than a direct question. Since Sasuke had obviously caught his wandering eye, Rock Lee glided beside him and assumed the opening stance of the Yuukanaken "Ride the Lion Through The Forest" kata. As Sasuke fell in and performed it with him, he sighed. "It is most un-Awesomely vexing, Sasuke. It is... Naruto seems to have been forced to hop on one foot all his life, and now that he is being allowed to learn to walk... insists on splinting his strong leg's knee so it cannot bend!"

Sasuke nodded as the two went through the trance like Graceful Fist movements. "It is... frustrating. One moment you can truly admire his determination. The next, you remember that it can just as easily become stubbornness."

"The difference between the two would seem to be whether you allow yourself to see how the latter hurts you," Lee mused. He shook his head. "And I worry any attempt to convince him otherwise..."

"He'll just push against it," Sasuke said, shaking his head as well.

Unspoken was the idea that would not stop them from trying to help. Some things... you didn't have to say.

##

**0815 h. Hokage's office**

"Sarutobi-sama, with all due respect... are you worried that Naruto is not ready to know, or are you worried about his reaction to you once he does?"

The Hokage was a ninja's nin. At his subordinate's question, he gave away nothing.

Deliberately. But even the greatest nin had unconscious tells, tells that even they could not suppress. A monk after a lifetime of meditation only dangled a toe in the unconscious ocean. Even a ninja who devoted as much time as he could could barely wet their nail.

It might have been his pipe twitch that made Yuugao relax, her point made. To her credit she did not press it harder.

"I... have left this to his sensei. Please... follow her in this."

Yuugao nodded. "Of course, Hokage-sama."

After that, Hiruzen just let himself feel old for a bit.

##

**0900 h. Team Anko Training Yard.**

"Right then: Chakra. Shaping. Nature Affinity," Anko began, looking over the assembled Team Punishment and Minion. "Sakura. Explain."

Sakura blinked.

"Or did they make you skip that class too...?"

Sakura blinked, then smiled. "No, no. Just-- okay. Ahem--"

"And Pinkie minion? Try not to just recite the text," Anko said with a wry grin.

Sakura looked offended. "I was the top academic in my class for a reason, sensei."

Anko laughed. "Sorry, sorry. Go ahead."

"Right," Sakura said, smiling. "Naruto. Show us a henge. Not the Oiroke No Jutsu version! I don't want half of us passing out because of it!"

"Only half? I make it three quarters," Anko drawled.

"Didn't think Sasuke was interested, assumed Gai had perfection," Sakura shot back.

"How Youthful!"

"Hn."

"Naruto. Henge, no ecchi. Go."

Naruto pouted, but complied. "Henge!"

Gai-sensei grinned at the twin of the Hokage's aide before them. "An exact copy of Chiaki in a single seal. Most Youthful."

Anko smirked. "Nicely done, Orange-minion."

"Heh. Henge's always been one of my best, and since I suck at genjutsu..." Naruto's trademark embarrassed hand to the back of his neck looked odd coming from the normally professional Tani Chiaki's body.

"What Naruto has just done-- what the 'Academy Three' all have in common is that they use our raw chakra. This is called Onmyouton, in reference to the fact-- you can drop the Henge, Naruto-- that in its basic state chakra is a result of the physical (Yang) and mental (Yin) energy we all generate just by living. Fittingly, the Academy Three also show us that even without adding advanced teachings chakra can do amazing things. The Kawarimi is all Yang, physically swapping you and your substitute-- though if the substitute can marshal chakra, it can resist. The first genjutsu we learn is the Bunshin, showing us how controlling our Yin side works."

"So... I suck at Yin, and am Awesome with my Yang...?" Naruto offered.

Sakura began to speak again, paused, gave him a look of utter nonplussed-ness, and shook her head. "No, you suck at control and are Awesome at ejaculating your chakra all over the place."

"Ouch," Tenten noted.

"Walked into that one," Naruto grumbled.

"I told you hammer, stop entering battles of wits until you're better armed," Sasuke drawled.

Sakura smirked. "Now, Henge is a true Onmyouton jutsu-- taking an image formed of yin and creating a solid form with Yang-- even allowing ourselves to change our size and mass, making it a doorway to space time manipulation. That's why they're used as our first jutsu-- they illustrate the nature of chakra and are dead useful for our whole lives. All three also get us used to the concept of Keitai Henka. Of molding our chakra into the form we want, beyond just pumping it around our bodies."

"Even then," Rock Lee said. "Learning the concepts helped me understand how chakra Intensely circulates through my body."

Sakura nodded. "The next vital transformation, we learn via the Travelling Ten, the camping jutsu."

"Seishitsu Henka," Neji murmured.

"That's when you take your chakra and add an element, right?" Naruto mused with his lip jutted out.

"Not quite," Tenten said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "It's when you transform your chakra into an element, or infuse it into an existing element."

"Wha... so it's a henge...?" Naruto decided.

"Well--" Tenten paused. "That's... actually a good way to look at it."

"It's combining the two Henka-- transforming the shape and the nature of chakra you release-- that creates our more powerful jutsu," Sakura picked up. "We're all naturally inclined to use an element or two easier than the others. That's your nature affinity. In the Shinobi nations, the most common natures are Fire, Water, Lightning, Earth, and Wind, though rare affinities can manifest."

"Inherited traits like the Shodai's Mokuton," Neji said. "Made by mixing the true elements and... you argue this point, Haruno-chan?"

Sakura sighed. "That's an old theory, and inaccurate. For one, we're not even totally sure Mokuton was a kekkei genkai. If it was, why don't the remaining Senju show signs of inheriting it? Why is it a common affinity elsewhere on the sphere? Also, some think that the Shodai was doing more than elemental manipulation with the more esoteric uses. And finally, it starts from a false premise."

"... they start with the wrong idea, so whatever they come up with assuming that's right is wrong...?" Naruto reasoned.

"Indeed," Sasuke said, and raised one eyebrow, then nodded to Sakura's 'go ahead' gesture. "It is foolish to confuse the rare with something that we understand a different way. The claims that 'advanced' elemental releases are created by combining those we consider more common can be seen as false simply by looking around a broader context. If one travels east to Kells and meets their 'knights', what we call Kaminari is only a little more common than the Shodai's 'Ki'-- in this case meaning wood or life force. The control of wood-- which they call... 'L'Art du Bois de Controule'...?'"

"Correct, and Youthful accent," Gai said.

Sasuke nodded in thanks. "We find that transforming raw chakra or 'aura' as they call it into Wood is one of their basic five elements... one they consider related and complementary to Water and Earth, but no simple synthesis. There are others-- swamps, ice... they call Kaminari 'la foudre' and it is limited to the McClane Clan, founded by a man named Liam."

"Kinda like how only Shika's family are the only ones here that have the knack and skill to do shadow stuff?" Naruto offered, bouncing from one foot to the other.

"In that case, there have been non-Nara who have the skill," Sasuke noted. "Those in the elementals have either married in or been adopted in the clan, kept their own methods a secret, or angered the Nara and their allies and been eliminated."

"The founding knight who controlled water?" Sakura asked, obviously getting into the sharing of lore. "He was from a place even further east called Yellan, which consists of a good part of the south part of Zemli Ra-y-onou, what the East Blue natives call "Earth Land". It's the large island that forms the northern part of the Far Red Line. There, they call their common affinities Sea, Savannah, Desert, and... 'Jun-ga'?"

"Close enough, it's a hard word," Anko noted. "We just don't have certain sounds other languages do. Then again, I hear our compounds give non-Elements a headache, so all's fair."

"They only have four common ones?" Lee wondered, eyes wide.

"I'm officially as confused as Naruto usually is," Tenten deadpanned.

"Oi!"

"Go East of here, past Kells, over the Emerald Sea, and a little south of Gaul," Gai said, eyes far away as if remembering or imagining, "On your way to the East Blue Islands (or Yellan, depending on your goals), you'll reach the Democratic Union of Barsaive. They rebelled against the East Blue based empire of Thera. Thera's might is gone, but the union of once scattered city states and its former territories that became a nation remains strong. There once again the elements are Fire, Earth, Water, Wind, Wood. There, 'adepts' practice their 'disciplines'."

"It is said that the chakra found in nature there has actually caused at least four distinct types of human to appear in numbers too vast to be a mere kekkei genkai," Lee said.

"Nonsense--" Neji began.

"As I have mentioned, I have been there," Gai said firmly. "When I was apprenticed after the Academy, my Sensei Hyuuga Ranma and I travelled far. From the age of eleven until our return two and a half years later."

Neji raised an eyebrow in question.

Gai sighed. "Neji... is it any more strange than the Fishmen of East Blue, or the Reindeer Doctor that stands alongside the King of Pirates? There is more to our world... in Barsaive alone, and I have been further still. I have shared meals with the Thief King of Kratas, and I was with him when he stood down a Horror. Barsaive is real. That terrible creature gave off a youki of such horrible intent. My friend the Thief King? Garlthik is a man, but if I showed you a picture of the Senator... heh. He is to his beloved city what Sarutobi-sama is to us, and he may be older. He's... rather cagey about his age."

"Wow..." Naruto and Lee breathed.

Neji scowled slightly, averting his eyes.

Sasuke gave him a look, then turned to Gai. "Maito-sensei. You said you have been further?"

Gai grinned, and allowed the topic to change. "Indeed! I have many stories of the places I saw in my travels, but Naruto's Awesome is making him fidget."

There was a collective bit of giggling and chuckling as the young Uzumaki froze and Lee exclaimed, "Most Youthfully so!"

Hand once again at the back of his neck, smile wide and eyes closed in embarrassment. "Er, sorry. It's more... I mean, you must've seen so much and I dunno what to ask first-- and I wanna know about making your chakra fire and stuff-- but, I mean-- what does all this stuff about affinities actually _mean_?"

"Ah, indeed. The point in bringing up my Youthful walkabout is this," Gai said, crouching and draping an arm over Naruto's shoulder as he addressed the group. "In my travels, I learnt that chakra is merely a form of energy. Philosophers around the world will tell you... energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be Youthfully transformed. And what it can become is limited only by what or who is transforming it. Your talents will guide you, and we will help you train them. I know a man in far off Fiore who has such a strong affinity for fire, he eats it. It is transformed into chakra, and flames that hold his will. And humbled foes."

"So, wait, Hold on, hold on," Naruto said, a deeply thoughtful frown on his face. "Is this 'affinity' one of those things we got screwed over being taught at Academy?"

Anko shook her head. "In this case, no. It's like other talents you can have-- sometimes, the ability just isn't there until you get older. It's the responsibility of we jounin-sensei to test you. Around the age of fourteen is a common time, though I'm going to repeat your testing a year from now. I tested as adept at Raiton at fourteen, and a year later it turned out my talent was stronger at Katon. Some test earlier-- the Uchiha did. Half of it is chakra control-- the better you can control your chakra, the more your natural talents manifest."

"So... testing too soon may give a false result?" Sasuke mused.

"Exactly," Anko said, patting her student's shoulder.

"Oi! Sensei, Sensei-- how do you test it?" Naruto asked with an eager look in his eyes. "Can we test for the ones we don't have in Konoha? Do nin ever get affinities like in Kells, or Fiore? Oh, oh, can I have a metal affinity? That'd be Awesome! I could chew scrap metal and spit out kunai, and make armour in a blink, and seal stuff in my Awesome metal skin--"

##

**0915 h. Designated lookout point for Team Seven's training grounds. Can't have a well meaning ANBU get fried.**

Umino Iruka took the fact that Hatake Kakashi didn't change his approach a lick, and still made it clear he expected to be noticed as the respect it was. The assassination specialist was often mentioned on the same list as Momochi Zabuza, Demon of the Mist and Master of the Silent Kill.

"Did someone have a spare moment between paperwork at the Academy and putting the fear of us in the staff?" Kakashi asked lazily.

"Wanted to see how they're doing," Iruka admitted, looking down at the group below. "I send them out into the world and start worrying about them."

"Teacher's curse?" The Copy Nin wondered.

"One we bear with honour, Boss-sama."

"Boss-sama, I like that. Let's use that instead of Hosensei."

Iruka snorted. "No, you're doomed. He's chortling too much whenever anyone uses it."

"Is it like this in other villages?" Kakashi sighed, but his eye had narrowed in a telltale indication of a smile. "Oh. Here goes your favourite troublemaker. Ah, she's making him take his pills first."

Iruka didn't deny the comment as Naruto held the testing paper. A moment later the two observers were treated to said paper fluttering to the ground in two pieces.

"Now that's interesting," Kakashi murmured. "Hard element to master, but..."

"It's perfect..."

The newly appointed head of the Academy was giving him a look. Iruka could sense it.

"Your echolocation trick. When I saw you use it today-- Ah. It does have an elemental base, then."

Iruka smiled. "More that having control in either of the two elements that provide the best medium for it helps. I've... Wind is hard, but I wasn't going to leave my secondary alone just because Suiton came easier."

"So you intend to teach Naruto it?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka looked up to see Kakashi had some reading material out. He raised an eyebrow. "Rather the basics before the advanced things you could teach him."

"Oh? I suppose I could teach him one or two Fuuton jutsu I've copied--"

"No," Iruka said lightly. "The really advanced stuff. The ones you've been saving for someone uniquely suited to inherit--"

Kakashi instantly made a hand sign. Not here.

"I have some paperwork you should go over, Boss-sama," Iruka said.

"Your office?" Kakashi said, a cool edge to his voice.

"Yes."

A few shunshin later, Kakashi was adding another privacy seal on top of the ones built into the door.

In truth, Iruka's office had once been a large closet. But at least it was a large closet he had chosen. There was just enough room for the two men, one behind the desk and one in front.

"You seem rather interested in the boy that holds your sensei's killer at bay," Iruka noted.

"Mm. When did you figure it out?"

Iruka chuckled. "First, let us be plain with each other. He is Minato-sama and Habanero-sama's son."

Kakashi's exposed eyebrow raised. "To the point. How long have you known?"

"Since the forest. When Naruto saved my life... Sometimes it takes one little fact... the Hokage cleared me to learn Kage Bushin my third year teaching. I can manage four and can't use the Tajuu version at all. I can do the normal Bunshin at the drop of a hat. As you so recently pointed out, you can manage 100."

Kakashi frowned. "With the mass version, before they get too weak and incoherent. But--"

"Before I was in Academy, when Mom, Dad, and my other serving relatives had missions, they'd hire genin to babysit me and my cousins, along with some of the other kids. Genin who would help tutor us. Our favourites were this odd trio. A Bunke Hyuuga named Kou-- he's Hinata's bodyguard and tutor, or maybe Hanabi's now. The Hokage's daughter, Kyoko-- one of our best field trainers. And this far too stuck up guy in shades who would never, ever cop to trying to peek into the ladies only onsen."

"And their teacher," Kakashi realized with a small chuckle. "A red-headed Uzumaki who could use Kage Bunshin like few others."

"More than even most of her fellow Uzumaki. And it is an Uzumaki kinjutsu. My three favourite subjects are ninjutsu, law, and history. Even if her significant other hadn't stopped by to get bopped on the head for annoying her, even without his face on the mountain... I know what the Yondaime looked like. There are other clues, once you look. Most don't."

"Is the Hokage aware...?" Kakashi asked.

"I informed him during my debriefing on the Mizuki incident. It's going to hit him hard," Iruka said soberly. "Naruto. When he hears his prisoner killed his parents. That his hero is his father. Why his son?"

"There was really no one else."

"Mm. He was the only one young enough--" Iruka mused.

"Age was not the issue," Kakashi said firmly. "Kushina-sensei was a teenager when she became a jinchuuriki."

Iruka blinked. Rage bubbling under his surface became to push through. "Then... I met Minato-sama! That does not sound like him! If there were other options, why curse a child? His own son?"

Kakashi bowed his head. "There were constraints, just not of age. Well, not purely of age. For the seal my two Sensei used, younger was better. The longer the life, the longer it has to do its work."

"What made Naruto such a good choice, then?"

"Let us say it was a matter of trust," Kakashi said opening his book again. "You'd want to give such a duty to one you could trust. Mito-sama gave it to Kushina-sensei. Who would you trust to take on such a responsibility?"

"... their own flesh and blood," Iruka realized. "But... he is your sensei's son. How can you just stand by, with some of the things that have happened to him?" Iruka wondered.

"Who says I have?" Kakashi said. "Store owners who push 'I serve who I like' too far have a habit of being shut down and disappearing. I'm just glad when he came to meet me yesterday he wasn't calling me 'Inu-san' in seconds. ANBU raised him until he was old enough to complain if anyone tried to seriously harm him, and we went unmasked so he'd know human faces. And he has complained, believe me. Naruto may let a lot slide, but he has his limits. There was a near wholesale turnover at the orphanage he stayed in before joining the Academy because he reached one of them."

"But... I mean, I know you adopting him, or one of Kushina-o-nee-chan's students would have been a big flag, but couldn't one of the others of Uzumaki blood in town--"

"Being Kushina-sensei's son has as much weight as being Minato's. And... some old friends have turned their backs on him."

Iruka blinked, and then history he'd read for fun hit him. "Tani Sarubo. He kept sticking his nose in around here. He's-- the Uzumaki--"

"Not a sesshou of the clan," Kakashi said. "He is supposed to be insuring his friend's son has a good life, that will put him in good stead for his future responsibilities."

"Future--" And then, it all clicked. "Kushina-o-nee-chan was the head."

"Yes."

"An heir in place, and family here to guide him," Iruka said. He realized he was rapidly reaching where Kakashi was with this, that this last outrage had shoved him past simple anger to the point where anger was a beautiful and useful friend. "He doesn't know yet."

"The Hokage has put it in his sensei's hands," Kakashi explained.

"Good hands to put it in," Iruka reflected.

"She's family but for a few legal signatures," Kakashi agreed, and there was a deep sadness there. Iruka could bet it was the same for the last Hatake.

"I want to go over his test scores," the chuunin said. "All of them. He was an average student his first year..."

Kakashi slowly nodded. "We go over all of them, for all the students over that time."

"No. You delegate some staff to do it for you. You are the boss-sama."

"I should--"

"Kakashi-san. Trench digging," the chuunin said with a grin, and it got bigger as Kakashi chuckled.

"Right. My job to find where we need to dig, yours to do the digging. Mako-san?"

"I trust her, yes. Though that's hardly a ringing endorsement..."

"Mizuki stunned us all. I would like to call on the Fisherman."

Iruka slowly smiled. "I would not object to that, Boss-sama. It's been awhile since he babysat me, after all."

Kakashi chuckled. "No need for sitting, now. And I did raise the spectre of Basics Kill..."

##

**1020 h. Anko and Gai's Crazed Genin Emporium.**

"You say 'Fate' like you know something one more time, cousin--" Naruto said.

"Even without the Uzumaki Peace Seal, I doubt you could harm me--"

"Sure I can! We'd be idiots to make something that didn't leave room for a... proper spar--"

"I doubt very much I'd get a proper anything from--"

" _Enough_."

Gai's voice made both boys snap to attention.

"Naruto. Meditation. Over by the trees, go."

"Gai-sensei--"

" _Go_."

Naruto bowed his head, turned, and slunk away.

"Neji," Gai began.

"Did you ask for me?" the Hyuuga asked sharply. "Is that why I am not appropriately placed in Intelligence? Yuugao-nee said I was thought to suit it..."

Gai was unfazed by the question, which in itself put Neji off. "Neji, the reason you are here is in our team's Youthful nickname."

Neji blinked. "I... require the strenuous training of Team Punishment...?"

Gai shook his head. "Hyuuga should not be blind."

Neji winced. For a Hyuuga to be called blind, or acting as if they were, was a high insult.

"Neji, there is at least one or two insubordination charge per year on your file since you started you path to being a nin, including your academy years. Only your skill, your uncle's political capital, and my taking you for this team has kept them from having you placed before a review board and bounced from the Nin program for the sake of the village's youth. If it had been consistently two-- if you had not shown enough teamwork to pass my test-- if your acting out had caused injury-- not even that would have saved you."

"Bounced?" Neji managed. Had he pissed off that many people?

"Those are merely the ones that got to the formal citation point," Gai said sternly. "That's not counting how much young Umino Iruka-sensei's Youth suffers every time he remembers the direction you took his well meant advice on accepting what we can not change."

Neji bowed his head. "You are saying... this team was made to punish me?"

Gai-sensei clamped a hand on his shoulder. "No. When I am available, I take the most problematic genin. That was you three, last year. Each with your own crimes and just enough talent to make it worth trying to salvage you from un-Youthful folly."

"Lee and Tenten...?" Neji couldn't quite believe it.

"You'll have to ask them for the why," Gai said. "But... you and Naruto were feeding each other's folly just then, and I could not allow that."

"Oh? And what particular folly was his?" Neji growled.

Gai frowned thoughtfully. "Neji, do you recall your mother coming home from a mission from Kumo when you were younger and needing a stay in hospital?"

"She's taken pills as long as I've been alive. She ran out on the mission--" Neji stopped. "I... she's said she's glad I don't need them. It's..."

"All pure blooded Uzumaki and many of their first generation descendants share the need for such medicine. Their unique vitality has its drawbacks," Gai said, and sighed. "Naruto... has been stubborn about not needing it himself."

"Your grandfather had to talk your parents out of adopting him, you know."

Anko's voice startled him. Neji turned to Team Seven's sensei. "Naruto?"

"And they weren't the only family that would have taken him," Anko said, frowning. "But Neji-o-jii... He said it was bad enough his namesake had to bear the Caged Bird seal, he'd not have the other Branches insist Naruto get it too."

Neji's teeth clenched and unclenched. He bit back a dozen responses, none of them feeling right. "I..."

Gai's grip loosened. "Breathe, Neji."

Neji breathed.

It was about all he could manage at the moment.

##

**0925 h. Green Dragon Restaurant, 379 Mito Way.**

"Speak to me," the man with a 'bad' arm and eye murmured as he read a report on the new genin graduating from the academy. As high ranking and respected as he was, people would expect nothing less of him.

The encoded report from his agents in said briefing would be less expected, but reveal nothing untoward. Just the Hokage's rival, trying to slip stuff past the dear old man.

The real meat was under the fourth cipher and further encoded with passphrases.

Anko's training would seem to be a modified ANBU regime, including the standards. He approved of this. Those three promising genin of hers demanded such rigour. He also approved of the ANBU already watching Uzumaki and Uchiha adding additional guards and giving the Haruno girl a watch. If they didn't, they wouldn't be doing their jobs.

He set down the report and picked up his copy of Konoha no Maishuu. No harm in the Darkness reading the civilian weekly, after all.

The Arts section brought a frown. He was breaking the cipher too easily, time for Sai and Mai to come up with a new one. The news under the cipher brought a smile to his face, though. Several civilians complained about the Uchiha's failure, or the jinchuuriki's promotion. Some of the complaints angered little Saru to the point Ibiki has become involved-- and a few of those have gone straight to the T side of the department. Good to see the Monkey still had bite.

He pulled out the insert holding the yonkoma, one page, and short manga and flipped to the second to last page. He frowned. To put a message into Forest Pals, his favourite four panel gag strip, things would have to be important. Team One officially failed... fine. Off the books, Shin and Sai were helping them get settled in. Typical so far, he even allowed himself a smile at it....

And then his frown returned and grew slightly deeper as he deciphered the last of Sai's message. "We were correct about Kwan-kun's family. It seems some of Taki birth do not share all the values of the Ravine."

The waitress, seeing him stop over this particular comic, approached. "Your usual Yakisoba, Shimura-sama?"

"Yes, Alisu."

"Light on the sauce?" she asked perkily.

Danzou turned to the waitress. He raised his exposed eyebrow.

"Heavy sauce it is," the Ne agent replied, smiling and going to get his order, and pass on an order to others.

The Kwan clan was done as of today. Saru would be saddened until he heard the reason.

He and the Hokage shared a few of the same hot spots, after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**0945 h. Cheat** **_better_ ** **. Team Anko.**

"Perhaps most important, though, is understanding when you need to acknowledge you need the inin," Gai continued. "That dogging leg pain may be a bit of shrapnel in your leg. The tingle in your arm may be a tumour. Am I boring you, Naruto?"

The blond boy shrugged. "I'll tune back in when it applies to me."

Anko counted to five-- _must not maim Pepper-nee's kid, must not maim Kushi-nee's kid... tie him outside the Hokage's window for a nice long lecture, but no maiming..._ \-- and elbowed him. Due to their relative heights, the nudge clunked the side of his head.

"Oi!"

"Next dose at 1015, Orange-minion," she said, firmly.

And that pout she was pretty sure Naruto thought was a scowl re-appeared. "Why do you jerks keep trying to dose me? I'm gonna be Hokage, I don't need no stinkin' pills--"

"The Sandaime's taken his stinkin' pills since he was six," Anko noted.

Naruto's broad grin met her glance. Oh, great, he was in stubborn ass mode. "Yeah, but Jii-jii's diabetic, he needs it or his pancra-- pancake--panacotta-- insulin making thing won't work. I don't--"

"Inin say different," Anko said firmly.

"Then they're stupid. I can take anything, like a good Hokage should!"

"Oh, Six Paths, Naruto!" Sakura growled. "Hiruzen-sama would never try and take on the whole rotting Sphere on his own! If he could, he wouldn't need Konoha to back him up! Even the Fourth--"

Anko winced. Everyone's voice was rising, like some of the 'discussions' Bastard-sensei, Tsunade-ba-sama and Jiraiya-jii-sama had back in the day. Her eyes fell on Sasuke, and she caught his cocked eyebrow. She nodded to him.

"The Yondaime took out entire armies on his own--" Naruto declared.

"Actually Naruto," Gai said firmly, "he at the very least had the logistics of the Leaf Intelligence wing--"

"Well maybe I don't need logistics!"

"Do you even know what logistics is?" Tenten said.

"I know it's stupid, and I won't need it!"

"Naruto, did you ever pay attention to Iruka-sensei?" Sakura growled.

"Youthful genin," Gai tried.

"Has anyone told him _why_ he needs the pills?" Neji asked.

Anko spun toward him, as did most of the rest of the group.

"What's it to you, Neji?" Naruto sneered.

Neji sighed. "Because my mother does, too, cousin. Only my Hyuuga blood prevents me from needing the same. I am sure if you asked Yuugao-nee, she does as well. And I am wondering whether you were not told why out of malice or oversight."

Gai and Neji were both looking at her-- Well, duh, Anko realized, holding back a blush. I am his sensei.

"Go on," Anko said, smiling.

The Bunke Hyuuga pressed on. "She has been on a pill regimen as long as I've been alive. I've been told all other pure-blooded Uzumaki are on such a regimen. Much as my Byakugan requires special care when injured, and training to understand its workings. These pills indicates to me a kekkei genkai."

"I thought that was... something else," Naruto managed.

"No," Sasuke said, and Anko noticed him stop his hands from tapping near his own eyes. "Neji? Your mother heals rapidly?"

"Not quite as fast as the paragon-- excellent example," he clarified at Naruto's narrowing eyes, "of an Uzumaki you went to academy with, but much faster than any of the rest of you here. I dare say, our collective sensei included."

"It is barely a dare," Gai affirmed. "I can add I have seen this healing at work in all other Uzumaki nin I've served with."

Sakura inclined her head slightly. "Hyuuga dad, and Uzumaki mom... any hybrid traits, Neji?"

"Comparing me to the Aburame bugs, Haruno?" Neji asked. There might have been a suppressed smirk there.

"Genetics is genetics, Hyuuga," Sakura rejoined, a hint of humour in her voice.

Neji nodded. "Agreed. There are a few. My hyouji-- the most obvious expression or display of my chakra-- is as with most Hyuuga through my eyes. The range of my Byakugan is significantly further than average at my age. For example, that new billboard they were putting up this morning on the sign at the edge of the Aki-Nara-Ya district?" He made a brief seal, and the Byakugan activated. "It's done. It's an ad for the latest edition of the Monkey Nami Atlas. 'This new edition now includes over 30 updated local maps, including Sphere's End and All Blue!' The fine print warns that 4th of Saru is the tentative release date pending Monkey-sama's final revisions."

"She is a perfectionist," Sakura noted with a bit of glee. "But oh..."

"Those maps," Gai agreed.

"Impressive," Anko noted, "Almost all the way back to the Tower."

Sakura came back from Happy Brainy Land and considered Neji. "Your healing?"

"I have... echoes of her ability. Not as impressive as Ka-san, but... for example, one of my clan mates once gave me a blow to the veins and paths that feed the chakra and blood to my eyes for the doujutsu to work," he explained, "and the blow should have hampered my Byakugan for days. I was fine by the next morning-- though it still hurt a while."

"Hn," Sasuke said. "Yes. Kekkei genkai. Something all pure blooded Uzumaki share."

"A recognized bloodline," Sakura added. "One that has at least a few holders in town, neh?"

"A Youthful assessment," Lee noted, scribbling on his notepad. Anko nudged Gai. This elbow hit well muscled abs. Rock hard, wondrous, powerful abs. Yummy--

Sensei time, Anko reminded herself.

"And it would be most un-Awesome to, say randomly attack one's Youthful comrades to try and locate said holders, would it not Lee?"

Lee paused, and scratched out a line on his pad. "Indeed, Gai-sensei."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "That does go back to Neji's original question..."

"Why is it no one has explained this to him?" Neji prompted, turning to Anko.

Anko frowned. "Honestly... the rest of us took our cues from the other Uzumaki in town."

"Bad cues," a new voice said.

"Yuugao-nee?" Naruto wondered.

Their mutual cousin approached, a sad smile on their face. "Anko. Gai. After you are done with their training today, I will be picking up Neji and Naruto. We have Clan Business to attend to. Including explaining why he needs those dreadful pills."

Neji bowed slightly. He turned to Naruto. "Will you at least take your next dose?"

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Why does it matter so much to you, now?"

Neji-- Hyuuga Neji, who tried so hard to be serious-- smiled a small smile.

"Because I'm hoping you prove me wrong about something," Neji said quietly.

##

**1136 h. Jou no Men-dai, Belladonna Avenue.**

"You couldn't have suggested this modified genin pool thing back when I was teaching you?"

Shikaku sighed and looked up at the vendor. "Get my sensei some yogurt. EI-JA!"

Said sensei smiled at the vendor in her most grandmotherly like way. "Soumen with your umeboshi sauce please, Jo."

"Hai, Utatane-sama!" the chef called, even as she finished another patron's soba.

"I keep forgetting Inoichi's father taught you the Mayaku Hirateuchi no Jutsu," Shikaku grumbled, rubbing the back of his head.

"And it looks like such a gentle slap," Koharu noted pleasantly. Then, her face grew stern.

Shikaku smirked at her. "Problem, sensei?"

"No, seriously. Why didn't you come up with this pseudo-genin pool thing when I was teaching you?"

Shikaku blinked at her. "Sensei. The last thing on our minds as genin is making your life easier. Especially since 'I've taught oh so many genin teams, you brats are nothing'." He chuckled, and coughed lightly. "Excuse me."

Koharu's right eyebrow cocked. "Getting a cold?"

"No. Too much time around the Smokestack," Shikaku said, giving a snork as he cleared his sinuses and turned to spit. "Sorry. Tobacco and I..."

"Never got along near as well as you and alcohol," she agreed, smiling and nodding at Jo as her noodles were set before her. "And Asuma and his cigarettes... It is a good idea."

"The smoking?"

"No, the pool. And a good crop to start it with."

Shikaku smiled this time. "Time seemed right. Wish Yondaime-sama was here to see it."

"Mm. He was keen on emulating his new clan's old homeland-- in the best ways possible." Koharu sighed. "He died far too soon. But then, if Hiruzen were to pass on today, I'd think it too soon."

"Heh. I think everyone feels that way about Jii-sama, Sensei. Try the yogurt sauce, it's good."

Koharu's near eternal squint got even more narrow. "I've told you. I'll try yogurt again when you give up the drink for a month."

"... so, never?"

Koharu sighed. "At least I can say I taught an Ino-Shika-Cho..."

##

**1202 h. C'mon down to Team Seven's, they'll feed you right.**

Sakura blinked.

Everyone in the group was staring at her.

With the sort of synchronicity that let you know they knew each other, Naruto and Sasuke reached out and each pinched the other, leading to an "Ow!" and a pained "Hn!". Lee slowly took out his notepad and began scribbling. Anko-sensei was shaking her head with a smirk as Gai, looking worried, murmured in her ear.

Tenten was just grinning.

"What?" she finally asked.

"You're EATING!" Tenten declared with obvious delight. "Proper portions and everything, Sakura-chan!"

"Oh, lay off!" Sakura grumbled, smirking. "I... did always like Uzu Barbeque... just a shame that's the only thing most people think of when they think Uzu cuisine."

"The people of Uzu came up with sashimi and sushi," Neji said gravely. "And gochujang."

"Which is hot sauce the way Ramen is just noodles. And by the way, Uzu came up with Ramen too," Naruto said in a faux snooty voice. "Thus, Uzu was the seat of all culture and refinement." He snagged a huge piece of octopus, dunked it in a bowl of spicy sauce, and gobbled it down like a starving wolf.

"Not helping your point, Hammer," Sasuke said wryly.

"Bite me, Cop Boy."

"Hey, Naruto," Sakura prompted. "Henge. How hard is it to change genders, really?"

"Oh, here we go," Sasuke said.

"She asked him about something he has a depth of Intense practical knowledge about, didn't she?" Lee guessed.

"Hn."

Lee pulled out a fresh notepad as Naruto's grin grew.

"The sex change? That's the easy part," Naruto said. "Anyone can, with a little thought, switch sex. Most people have somewhat of an image of a sex swap of themselves, even if it's only on a semiconscious--"

"Subconscious," Gai supplied.

"--yeah, that, subconscious level."

"But that's just the outside, right?" Tenten asked, pursing her lips. "I mean, most of us don't have working bits when we henge, right...?"

Naruto shook his head. "You ever done a cross sex henge?"

"Er, no," Tenten allowed.

Naruto smirked. "Do it nude or in boxers, unless you wish to understand male pain."

"Good advice," Anko noted with a wince.

Naruto shrugged. "It's one of those odd things, but our bodies just instinctively fill out the details. Some people over think it, and get into... Sakura, what are those bits of protein that make us up called again?"

"DNA," Sakura supplied easily. She suppressed a sigh as her teammate spoke. How did people miss this? How had she? Uzumaki Naruto obviously had more to him then first brush. And yet, even now, most of the group-- even Sasuke, who really should have known better-- look surprised as the Uzumaki held court on one of his favourite jutsu.

"No, the bigger bits," Naruto groused, waving a hand impatiently.

"Ah," Sakura said, pausing before popping some wonderfully tender beef in her mouth. "Chromosomes."

"Right. People over think it and think, oh it's this one chromosome that controls what gender we are--"

"Sex." Anko corrected gently.

"Eh?" Naruto said.

"It's one of those fine points-- sex is your physical form. Gender is your mental identity."

Naruto furrowed his brow for a second. "So... sex is the equipment, and gender's what you're inclined to do with it?"

"There's more to it than that," Gai said, patting his head, "but that'll do for the Youthful basics."

"Yatta!" Naruto exclaimed, then frowned, "Where was I?"

"Chromosomes and over thinking," Sasuke supplied.

"Oh, yeah, yeah. So people go on about how this one set of chromosomes decides what gen-- er, sex we become in the womb. And they'll make a whole bunch of guesses-- males can become females because that's just taking away a chromosome, or you should only be a shell because unless you know biology how can you shape it right... But then they do a cross-sex henge and wonder at the fact they've completely gender-- damn it, I mean sex flipped. The Shodai's wife and some of Jii-jii's ancestors spent a good part of their lives proving the point with inin helping. You change sex when you henge. The why and how we're working on...but we're shaping things with our mind via chakra focused through the jutsu. So the image of ourselves as female in our mind shapes us from there. "

"... you have a rather flattering female self portrait," Sakura drawled.

"What? Oh, no," Naruto said, waving his hand. "That's another thing, the Oiroke's made to prey on the evolew-- the cues we get from how our species spots a good mate instinctively and culturally. It's a weaponized sex distraction. If I just swap sex, my bust is barely the same as... well, yours, taking a guess from a distance."

"Ah," Sakura said, nodding. "So it's like a centerfold that's been cleaned up and altered with a photo processing seal set."

"Exactly!" Naruto said. "Mito's just another teenage girl, not a model like the Oiroke."

"Mito?" Tenten asked. "You named your female form?"

"Kakashi-nii insisted when I decided I wanted to try walking around in it. Why not name her after the Shodai's wife, I'm an Uzumaki," Naruto explained with a shrug.

"Do... other things change when you become girl-you?" Sasuke wondered.

"Like what?" Naruto asked.

"I've... always wondered if you want to... er, use the equipment in new ways...? Not that I'm perving on you! I also wonder if a henge could get pregnant."

Naruto blinked, then smirked. "Naw, I get you Bastard. Eh. I dunno about other nin, but let's just say, I'm not the least bit interested in fooling around with boys as a girl. My sex changes, but my... gender?" He wondered, looking at Anko.

"Sex is the physical, gender is what you identify as.... orientation is what you're attracted to," Anko explained.

"Oh. Okay. Well in that case, I'm still seeing myself as a guy, and I'm still oriented to like w... like, ladies. If I did... experiment?" He smiled at his sensei's nod. "-- If maybe I did, I'd have to take every precaution you do."

"There's whole chapters of ijutsu psychology books on that," Anko said. "It's very personal. And since every one of us in this town is as pervy as can be, Konoha has provided a unique environment to understand that side of it in."

Being a friendly bunch, not even Naruto commented on her blush or the look she and Maito Gai shared.

"Could you... knock female you up?" Tenten blushed as Sasuke gave her a rueful smirk.

"Some nin have pulled that, but..." Naruto shivered. "It's like relying on inbreeding to keep a kekkei genkai going."

"Bad idea," Neji said, shivering himself. "There's a reason there's a law against it in the treaty that formed Konoha. The Kaguya bred themselves to extinction that way. Inbreeding, not Henge breeding."

"Henge breeding is like the son of a brother and a sister doing it with the daughter of _their_ brother and sister," Naruto said, face scrunched up. "Asking for trouble."

"So wait," Sakura said, as some dots connected in her head. "If Mito can breed... she has a period, right?"

"Kakashi-nii made me stay henge'd long enough to experience that when I turned nine-- Uzumaki, we do it early on average," Naruto groused. "Wasn't even embarrassed to teach me the sanitary jutsus."

Sakura shook her head. "Yeah, that's no mere shell. And now the Akimichi family jutsu make more sense..."

"They're a sub-jutsu of henge tailored to their genetics and body type," Naruto said, smiling. "Chouji and I could tell you shite about henge, lemme tell you."

"Did you need chakra supplements to stay as Mito that long?" Rock Lee asked, pausing in his notes.

"Well, if it had been a matter of chakra," Naruto noted, "I'm... not really lacking there. But it isn't. See... once the Henge's done, it's actually not costing you anything. It's getting it there that's drawing your chakra. What forces you back to your original shape isn't chakra drain, it's not being able to stand the-- what did Jii-jii call it? Dismop-- dismoe--"

"Dismorphia," Sakura offered.

"Yeah, that's it!" Naruto said, beaming again. "That's why nin don't turn into titans or beasts in battle without a special jutsu or bloodline. And I use it so much I don't... really get that anymore. Hell, you have to overcome it to pull shite like posing as an inanimate object."

"... it's sorta awesome to think this is a D-rank we use to train for higher arts," Tenten murmured.

Naruto laughed, then smirked. "Just to cover a few bases, I stink just as bad after training as Mito, calling your gut instincts 'women's intuition' to be all mysterious is really shitty, and they've got no proof your period gets you any more sensitive or in tune or anything. Didn't do jack to my senses. So don't try to say it's more than irritability. Which you're entitled to. Also, chocolate doesn't taste any different when I'm female," Naruto reeled off.

"Flexibility?" Sakura wondered.

"There is a bit of a strength/flex tradeoff," Naruto admitted. "In me... it's really too small to be a factor, y'know? But the gap varies with the person, depending on your genetics. The gap statistically-- is that the word I want?"

"Think so," Sakura said.

"It's based on an average, anywho. And we can compensate when it is noticeable-- hell, the style you're learning in taijutsu is kinda based on that idea. And as nin, we start off more flexible than average, which narrows it even more."

Sakura slowly nodded. "You mentioned becoming inanimate objects."

Naruto grinned a fox grin. "Now THAT, my dear sweet Bitch, is where we get into the _hard_ henge..."

##

**1210 h. Konoha Academy.**

"Taicho?"

Kakashi nodded to Mako and inclined his head toward the woman with him. "Mako. I believe you've met my dear wife, Rindou."

"Shiraishi-sensei," Rindou said with a just so bow and a demure tone. Kakashi held back his smile as he noted where the chuunin's eyes were going. It wasn't as... liberal as her Kaju garb, and Rindou wasn't especially busty, but his wife wore a yukata well.

"Hatake-sama," Mako said with a bow and a bit of a blush.

"My snake, Lilly," Rindou said, indicating the boa next to her.

"Charmed," the snake said. Mako, bless her, merely bowed back. That was something in a town that lived through Orochimaru.

"My wife felt the need to ensure I was adequately fed," Kakashi said, lifting a rather large bento.

"My husband can get lost in his musings, and vending machines are no replacement for the proper care of one's wife," Rindou countered politely.

"Indeed, and bribing her husband into making the Keltic fare in his own repertoire is only a pleasant side effect," Kakashi offered.

"My husband lies, he'd do that to dote on me without bribery. I must thank you, however, Shiraishi-sensei. You got him home safe after he... vented his concerns about his new position that first day."

Mako couldn't hold back a giggle. "I was concerned said venting would lead him to shunshin into a wall. Still, I was... slightly surprised at your reaction to me bringing him home, Rindou-sama."

"Oh?" Rindou asked, raising an eyebrow. Kakashi pursed his lips to hold back a giggle. This promised to be fun.

"Well... I intend no offence, Rindou-sama. But from what I have heard, the ladies of Amazon Lily are very... possessive when they take partners."

Rindou nodded. "That is somewhat exaggerated, even more so as we have decided to have more contact with the outside world. As for my husband... I trust him."

Mako smiled, relieved. "I see. My apologies for my assumptions, my lady."

Kakashi looked over at Lilly. Here it comes.

"What would I suspect he do-- oh. Oh, I see," Rindou said, nodding gravely.

"As I said, My apologies."

Rindou shook her head, smiling. "Indeed. Kakashi always asks before doing that with another girl."

Mako's blush was much deeper this time. "I... I see."

"After all, I might want to join in."

Mako's hands flew up to cover her mouth, even as she left no doubt who Naruto had produced that amusing 'eep!' out of yesterday.

"Why? Are you offering? Because, honestly, I think it would take both of us to satisfy--"

The gush of blood did not knock Mako over. The amount lost did lead to one last "eep!" and the academy-sensei passing out.

"Hm. I've still got it," Rindou noted. "Fresh mask, dear?"

"Thank you, darling. Help me get your victim back to work?"

"Darling, a Kaju cleans up after her fun."

##

**1231 h. In Front of the Home of History's Greatest Genin Team!**

"Kiku-ba!" Sakura practically growled. "My _sensei_ has told you to leave. You _leave_ , before you shame our clan."

Sasuke implored his clan's patron kami to have Sakura's aunt see sense in a golden moment. Alas, enlightenment eluded the poor woman.

"She'll not be your sensei much longer, rest assured!" Haruno Kiku said. "We have filed grievances with the Hokage to see this mistake rectified!"

"Grievances-- is that, like, that formal objection shhhhtuff?" Naruto wondered aloud, making a right turn from profanity as Gai raised an eyebrow and Anko raised a tsubo. "Wow. A grievance against Squinty-chan's granddaughter... that takes guts!"

As Naruto spoke, Sasuke met Gai's eyes, rolling his eyes toward the woman with a familiar badge nearby. Gai nodded, and then with a quick sequence of KeiBu hand signals, said, "ANBU above too, will call on your signal." Gai just smiled ever so slightly to Sasuke's raised eyebrows.

The woman's hair was the deeper pink near black of a middle-aged Haruno woman, and she wore it in a severe bun with long bangs framing her face. The style made him want to suggest she pick one accent or the other, and he returned his gaze to her just in time to catch her question. "Who is this 'Squinty-chan'?"

"That is what Utatane-sama enjoys hearing Naruto call her," Sasuke said glibly.

The Haruno woman blinked. "What."

"Look, I have got training to get to," Sasuke said. "And this script is so tired... I am going to let my Youthful friend Rock Lee go over what you might say."

"That bad? How un-Awesome," Lee mused. "Hmm." A grin slowly formed on his face. "As a guess... she may try to take credit for your reinstatement on Team Seven..."

"Hn," Sasuke agreed. "People like this do try to... though the paperwork for any such request was likely routed... Naruto? To the bottom of the Hokage's work pile?"

"Eh, Jii-jii, Chiaki and the bodyguards might need a laugh at the end of the day. Anything that oversteps it too much... I'd wager he'd send over the the KeiBu and Nee-sensei's buds in T&I," Naruto said with a shrug.

"...send over 'the the' KeiBu?" Sakura wondered, smirking at him.

"I can do the speaking thing leave me alone I'll cry!" Naruto exclaimed, waving his arms.

"Ah, very Intense of Sarutobi-sama," Lee noted with approval, pulling out a notepad. "Civilians rarely are given much weight in such matters, are they Gai-sensei?"

"Indeed, my Youthful student!" Gai agreed. "Regardless of what commitee they're on!"

"Hn?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow, and Lee joined him in the gesture, pausing in his scribbling to glance at the Haruno in question.

"Er... Neighborhood Improvement," the woman said.

"How Youthful!" Lee made one last note and stowed the notepad.

"You've got seals for those," Naruto muttered.

Lee ignored him. "If you have an issue with your local KeiBu patrol being un-Awesome, then Internal Affairs may investigate, and I'm sure Sasuke would gladly direct you to a contact!"

"Hn," Sasuke grunted, with a slight smirk.

"Oh, Sasuke, you do not have to _say_ it, you practically beam with civic pride." Lee gave Kiku a thumbs up. He gave Sakura's relative a questioning look. "You see it, yes?" Not waiting for her reply, Lee pressed on. "On that, Sasuke is an ally, interested in your input. Genin team assignments..." he dropped the thumb and shook his head. "I am sorry, Haruno-san."

The woman frowned. "Well, what about that brat--"

"How long have you and Naruto known each other, Sasuke?"

"Hn," Sasuke said with a small smile. "I... don't think I can remember a time Naruto wasn't around."

"Yeah, almost longer than Ino, Chouji, and Lays-Like-a-Lump," Naruto agreed, and Sasuke nodded.

Lee brought out another of his notepads. "Known... Naruto... even... before... brother was..." Lee searched for a word.

"Un-Youthful?" Tenten offered.

".... it will do in lieu of more Intense language, I suppose," Lee allowed, finishing his annotation and stowed the pad. "Important to know such things in case we are un-Awesomely impersonated," he noted to the group. "Where was I?"

"I think you were about to note that since my dear Ba-chan's interest in Sasuke personally only seems to have manifest _after his clan died,_ " Sakura said, her teeth briefly clenching as she glared at her aunt, "any opinion she might have on his _lifelong friend_ is rather... _suspect_."

"Hn," Sasuke agreed. "I welcome no poison in that well."

"Oh, Sasuke," Naruto said, laying his head on his teammate's shoulder, "Never lose that poet's touch."

Neji sniffed and turned away, which Sasuke had to force himself to not startle at. Tenten laid a hand on her teammate's shoulder. "No-- I just have something in my eyes."

Tenten dabbed at her own eye. "Ah! Moving even stoic Neji. Has he always--"

"Oh, half the reason he got chased," Sakura affirmed, "So elegant."

"Hn!" Sasuke marshaled his face into a fair (he hoped) imitation of his father's indignant face.

"Oh, you are and know it, Bastard," Sakura countered.

"Bastard?" Kiku managed, aghast.

Sasuke bowed his head and let the blush at how thick the others were laying it on tint his next words. "If I did not take offense, who are you to do so on my behalf?"

"A Youthful summary, Sasuke!" Lee agreed.

Sasuke looked up at Sakura. "Hn."

"Oh, indeed," Lee agreed. His grin finally fell. "I also hope to all the Kami she's not going to un-Youthfully suggest Sakura, the girl who fought me to a standstill yesterday, is here merely as breeding stock." His deadpan look actually made Kiku back up a step, and Sasuke's glare made her take another. "Why that would just be ... Intensely stupid."

"Hn."

"You are right, training time is wasting," Lee agreed, grinning again and clapping his hands.

"This... this is just the folly of youth!"

Gai seemed to know a cue when a twit provided one. "Ah, Haruno-san!" Konoha's Great Green Beast said, laying a slightly too firm arm over the petite woman's shoulders and guiding her to one side. "Youth is a very complex, very deep topic which Rock Lee and I could both expound on in great detail. But sadly, as our students noted... we must regretfully attend to our training." He let his sad face clear. "Oh, but see! Takenaka Sora, one of our Awesome KeiBu is here--"

"Hello," the fit young woman said with a very cold grin, raising her fingers to her dirty blonde hairline in a cheeky salute.

"--along with ANBU Parrot!"

"Charmed," the ANBU said in a tone that related he was just the opposite.

"They shall explain much to you," Gai said, giving the Haruno woman a gentle push that made her stumble into the two nin's grip. "Elsewhere."

"I'm... sure that's..."

" _Very_ necessary, at this point, yes ANBU-san?" Sora said as they led the woman away.

"Indeed, KeiBu-san, _very_ much so," Parrot agreed.

And didn't that catch a few glances, an ANBU and a KeiBu guiding a civilian down Konoha's streets, speaking in their 'I'm barely being civil voice,' the one that every civilian dreaded hearing. Especially from their own nin.

"So," Anko said, clasping her hands, "Individual training, minions?"

##

**1249 h. Hyuuga Compound.**

"He... was not aware of his kekkei genkai?" Neji's grandfather murmured.

Any other moment, Neji might have been a bit more pleased at making the man he was named for startle. Even a non-Hyuuga could see the naked surprise on Chourou-sama's face.

Most addressed him as Chourou, with -sama added as needed when simply addressing him as "Elder" wasn't enough. Chourou was how Neji thought of his grandfather. It was a cold comfort, but amusing to be better known by a name than the man you were named for.

The matching surprise on his mother and uncle's face offset any joy at seeing Chourou off base.

"You thought perhaps another Uzumaki had told him?" Neji asked, meeting his mother's eyes.

"Or Sarutobi-hokage," Hina admitted. "We have been distant for various reasons, but..."

Hinata reached over and laid a hand on her aunt's shoulder. It suddenly occurred to Neji-- even in the most informal setting such as the tea room they were now in, only he and his mother got to sit this close to the Main house. Even in the formal audience chamber, he and his mother sat... rather close to the Main House's dias.

Main House. His grandfather, uncle, and two cousins. A lot of outsiders thought it bigger.

"If family were easy, it would mean nothing," Hiashi reflected.

A more loaded statement Neji could not recall hearing.

There was a tapping on the sliding door. Hiashi's Byakugan flashed active a moment. "Kazushi."

The door slid open to reveal the Hyuuga in question in a kneeling bow. "Apologies, Hiashi-sama, but Uzuki Yuugao is requesting the presence of Hina-san, Neji-kun, myself, and... others at the gate. Some of those called have been... advised they are too busy by others."

Chourou grunted in displeasure. "Sit tall, Kazu-kun. They do not think. I thank you for bringing their offence to our attention. After earlier today with your cousin at the gate..." He tutted in disappointment. He turned to his namesake. "Neji, never forget. Uzumaki is a noble clan of Konoha as much as we are."

"Forgive me, Neji," Kazushi said. "I was unsure how much of your heritage your mother had shared. I mean no--"

"Kazu. Thank you," Neji said simply. Kazushi's small smile showed the chuunin understood their shared gaze, that to Kazushi he was not to merely be Hiashi's nephew but Kazushi's own cousin. Another Uzumaki of Hyuuga blood.

Chourou smiled briefly himself, and then grew serious. "Point of fact, diminished though they seem... the Uzumaki are our betters. Understand, should anyone interfere in any Hyuuga's business as a member of the Uzumaki, I hope those of better manners are not slow to inform myself or Hiashi as soon as possible. Doubly so if they are your fellow Branch House."

Kazushi nodded solemnly. "Those that need to be reminded shall be, Chourou-sama."

Neji nodded slowly. "Yes, Chourou-sama."

"Hiashi?" Chourou asked. As was clan custom, he could and was expected to step in to teach the younger Hyuuga-- but actually dealing with the situation was up to the clan head.

Hiashi considered a moment. "Hinata. Paper, brush, ink, and my stamp... as well as the clan's."

Hinata toe-walked to a nearby low closet and retrieved the requested items, as well as a small portable writing desk to give a suitable angle for calligraphy. Some in the branches thought Hiashi asking Hinata such things meant she was doomed to start a new branch, but even with his currently being reconsidered world view, Neji remembered his father noting how both he and Hiashi had been given such tasks by Chourou. "Tou-san," Hinata said, inclining her head in respect.

There was silence as Hiashi wrote. He stamped the clan chop and his own on the order. "Hinata. Accompany Kazushi. This order should clarify that barring life and death situations, your cousins are in fact free to attend to Uzumaki matters. Hina, Neji, you are excused to attend to the matter Yuugao-san is here for."

Hinata took the offered paper and bowed. "Yes, Otou-san." She rose. With a blush, she nodded to Kazushi and the other smiled and bowed back.

Hiashi and his father rose from their positions on kneeling pillows, as did Hina. But Neji's mother closed the small distance between herself and the Main House, taking her brother-in-law's hand.

Again, something few Branch House would do.

"Hiashi-kun. I will go with Hinata and Kazushi. However, I would request we make our feeling on this matter even more explicit. Besides, there are Hyuuga matters at least one of us should attend to with you."

Hiashi raised an eyebrow. Neji saw his mother's eyes fall on the clan head's left sleeve. Hiashi... his uncle bowed his head...?

Hina smiled. "Tou-sama...?"

Chourou smirked. "... yes. These old legs need a stretch--"

He turned to see Hina offering his cane.

"A stretch. Not a tortuous attempt to keep up with you, Daughter."

"Bah. Like you weren't sparring with Saru-hokage and the Monkey King last week."

"I suppose I have my moments," her father-in-law reflected. "Hiashi...?"

Son looked to father, and Chourou nodded sternly. Then, the older Hyuuga turned, gestured for Hinata and Kazushi to precede them, and linked arms with his daughter-in-law.

"Help your doddering old father, Hina."

"Doddering my arse."

"Hina. You are family, I would never dodder your arse."

Their voices faded after Hina closed the door, but Neji had to smirk at his mother's rejoinder: "Why, what's wrong with it?"

Neji turned to his uncle and felt that same tension that had tainted things between them since the death of his father.

Hiashi gestured for Neji to sit again, then knelt seiza beside him, taking the cushion Hina had been kneeling on.

His uncle, head of the clan, sat beside him.

"Your concern for your cousin... fills me with a pride I feel I have no right to, Neji."

"I... thank you, Hiashi-sama," Neji managed. "He is... I find myself forced to be more thoughtful around him. I understand it was hoped Gai-sensei could lead me to such reflection. I hope... Naruto has expressed great pride, given the history of the Uzumaki. I hope he can learn more of what he's taking such pride in as time goes by. And," he added, and knew the worry appeared in his voice, "that he learns to not let that pride get in the way of what is needed to keep him healthy enough to express it."

Hiashi nodded. "Well said. In some ways, Naruto has been quite sheltered. In others, ignored. Perhaps your mother can help get through to him, and convince the other Uzumaki that their current policy toward him is flawed."

"One hopes," Neji agreed.

They sat in silence for a stretch. Then Hiashi rubbed his forehead and sighed.

"I keep making excuses, but your actions as of late make it clear they are just that."

"...Hiashi-sama?" Neji prompted. Seeing his uncle this vexed was rather... stunning.

The clan leader met his eyes, even as Hiashi reached into his left sleeve. "I carry this with me some days. I suppose in hope I'll stop torturing myself and you. Your... Hizashi wrote this, for you, on that day."

Neji looked down at the carefully folded letter being offered. He took it. The release was simple enough, and Neji made to unfold it, but paused. Hiashi made to rise. "I'll..."

"Hiashi-ji. Have you read it?"

"... no. I've been tempted. But--"

"...Thank you," Neji said. He'd take his uncle at his word... for now.


	5. Chapter 5

**1252 h. On the corner of Oak and Maple**

Ken Atsuko-junsa reacted like a KeiBu who was loyal to her lost Uchiha comrades, despite having joined the Military Police two years after the massacre. Her partner Ryouta Naoki-junsa-su was technically the senior officer, but he followed her lead.

"That is a Haruno approaching Uchiha-kun, correct? And a Haruno--"

"Was pestering him earlier, yes," Naoki confirmed. "And that's his sensei coming out of the weapon shop there, so we follow her lead on this, understand?"

"Yes, Sempai," Atsuko agreed easily. The two walked up, slowly and casually (and Naoki was glad he hadn't needed to help his kohai learn to actually move casual as opposed to acting it).

"... am glad your sensei is here, especially after my cousin's bungling attempts to play politics earlier this afternoon. I will speak as plainly as I can in the current setting," the Haruno said. "Uzumaki-kun... Your teammate has inherited a certain burden traditionally taken on by a member of his clan."

Atsuko met Naoki's eyes, her own wide. He gave her the hand signal to hold.

The last loyal Uchiha slowly nodded. "... I do believe that Naruto recently trusted Sakura and myself to know of this burden, Sayuri-san," Sasuke said. "It is to do with his clan's specialty. A very special scroll and a very special weapon."

Atsuko silently flashed the one hand signal for the number nine. Naoki frowned and looked at Anko. Luckily, she had seen their signals, and within full view of the Haruno and the two KeiBu pointedly made an 'all clear' hand wave followed by the quick separation of a pinched thumb and forefinger that signaled "insecure".

Naoki sighed a little. So the Uchiha was told by Naruto himself. Anko was right to remind them they were in an insecure place.

"So... you have only just found out about it?" Sayuri asked.

"Yes," Sasuke agreed. "Perhaps you would like to join my sensei and myself somewhere you can speak plainly?"

"I do not have much time," the Haruno said, apologetically. "But I feel you must know, as the mutterings are happening even in my own clan..."

Atsuko snapped to full attention. "They do not say--"

"KeiBu-san," Haruno Sayuri said sadly, "People talk. And it is a fact, as reported by Sasuke's father himself that the last time this... weapon was abused, the evidence pointed to a rogue member of the Uchiha clan clan as the one attempting to wrest it from the rightful keeper of the time."

"A _rogue_ Uchiha," Atsuko said, almost growling. "The Uchiha loved the Yondaime!"

Naoki laid a hand on her shoulder. "Ryouta," he said gently and firmly. "I do not think anyone here is disputing that. Rather, Haruno-san is trying to warn Uchiha-kun about what is being said by others."

The junior KeiBu took a few deep breaths. "Forgive me," she said quietly.

"It would be valuable to know what is being said of me," Sasuke noted.

Naoki fought back a smirk. So like his mother, showing less the more they felt.

Sayuri sighed. "Some say it is for yourself. You want to take the weapon from its rightful keeper as some sort of power grab. Some say you wish to finish what your relative started to avenge your clan. Some say Sarutobi set you up to... disarm Uzumaki-kun and kill him in the process. Then the ones that assume you are waiting to build a harem to restart the Uchiha with speak up and..." Sayuri shrugged. "There are almost as many rumours as leaves on a Konoha Tree; if one cares to listen, you can believe the story of your choice."

"You have your own story?" Anko prompted, giving the woman a calculating look.

"... some may look at Team Seven and see a simple common genin set up, Mitarashi-san," Sayuri said. "Dead last, Rookie of the Year, highest student of the underrepresented gender. Myself... those that pay attention know Naruto's skill may not be reflected by his grades. _I_ look, and see a nod to history."

"History," Sasuke repeated.

"Yes, history," Sayuri agreed. "A history so many in my clan forget, to our dishonour. Every time they treat you like a pawn or mouth words of disgust about 'the boy' to fit in, they spit on a noble history our clans share."

Sasuke blinked at her.

"Perhaps you were not told," Sayuri said, her voice sad again. "The Haruno were _made_ because of the Uzumaki of Uzushio and the Uchiha of Konoha. We were born when the Kagami of Hi and the Su of Uzushio merged to forge peace and end their generations long feud. Kagami Tatsumi and Su Jou were wed under the Uzuyabun of the day. The Uchiha sponsored their new clan, the Haruno, to settle here."

"The Uzumaki, the Uchiha, and the clan they helped make," Sasuke reflected, frowning thoughtfully.

Sayuri bowed. "I do not wish to see this village, the Uzumaki, or the Uchiha soiled by these rumours, Uchiha-kun. I... must return to my duties."

"Wait," Sasuke said. He looked at the two KeiBu, then nodded to Atsuko. "If you would..."

Atsuko took a step forward, and tapped a finger under her left eye. "I will escort you, Haruno-san. We should perhaps suggest that you cannot keep apologizing for you kin's mistakes."

"I... thank you, KeiBu-san," the Haruno said.

Once the two were a few blocks away, Sasuke smirked, "Nin?"

"Easier to spot the Haruno that are once you know what to look for," Anko said with a shrug. "Retired. Runs the Konoha _crèche_ now, which... is actually to the Haruno rather what the KeiBu is to your clan."

"Cr-- ah. The Ghaulish style daycare that's open round the clock," Sasuke said, nodding.

"It's helped many a nin and civilian over the years," Naoki noted. "Is there a reason you've split my partner and myself, Uchiha-kun?"

Sasuke's frown deepened, and then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a photo. "The woman in this picture is alive, in town. She is herself..." The boy paused.

"Sweet log," Naoki said, staring down at the picture of Uchiha Shisui and Yamanaka Honoka. That smile on the Uchiha's face as the blonde woman kissed him.

Naoki looked up at the young nin before him, who was clearly fighting away discomfort.

"I shall be discrete in my inquiries, Uchiha-san," Naoki said, tucking the picture away.

"When your other duties do not tax you," Sasuke said, and he heard the boy's thick swallow.

On impulse, Naoki stepped closer and crouched before the Uchiha. "I've... heard rumours myself. About what the Keisatsu-chou Choukan was planning..."

Sasuke met his eye. "Those rumours... may have some hint of truth," he managed.

"Then I'm sad my boss sank so far," Naoki said. "And I'm glad his son remembers what's important."

A blush and slight turn of the head was how Sasuke tried to hide his small, pleased smile. It made Naoki wish he had a camera.

##

**1305 h. Class Willow.**

"This is Rock Lee," Kakashi drawled, in that Cool and Hip Manner that sounded like he was dismissing something awesome. "We... spar from time to time."

Class Willow's heads all seemed to turn toward him as one, and Lee knew he was blushing. "Er, on occasion, yes. Kakashi-sensei is correct."

"He beats me every once in a while," Kakashi supplied helpfully, studying his nails.

There was a moment's silence.

Then, "Cool," came the drawled out group verdict.

"How's he do that, Kakashi-hosensei-sama-taicho?"

Kakashi narrowed his exposed eye at the Gourudoko that had let that bit of babble out. "Akane, I will tie you down and cover you in cold beef broth and let Bull--"

"I'm sorry Sensei, don't sic the big doggie on me!"

"But I am interested in the answer as well," an auburn haired girl said, and if that hadn't marked her as a Nomura her Awesome composure did. "Does... Rock-sempai have some special jutsu you cannot counter?"

"Jutsu? Well, I suppose Rock Lee does have a special relationship with jutsu," Kakashi allowed, looking out the window.

The academei-sei's heads snapped back toward Lee. He cast a glance at Kakashi, who still stared out the window. "I do hope you levy your Cool Hipness with a bit of Awesome Youth when teaching, Sempai."

"You say something, Lee?"

Lee shook his head and smiled at the expectant Academy-sei. "I do not use a jutsu to beat Kakashi-sempai, as I cannot do most of what can be classified as 'jutsu'. I am learning a number of taijutsu techniques that allow me to be a splendid ninja nonetheless!"

"...'Cannot,' Rock-sempai?" the Nomura wondered aloud. "Forgive me, but your clan is often noted for its seamless blend of gen-, nin-, and taijutsu..."

"Ah. Well, yes, but my Gate Anchor Syndrome prevents me from focusing my chakra too much externally," Lee admitted.

"Gate... anchor..." an Inuzuka near front mused, his Shepherd Hound pup tilting its head quizzically.

"Ah, well... much like the spinal cord forms the centre of the nervous system or the heart the centre of our circulatory system," Rock Lee explained, "the Eight Gates form the core of our chakra system. In my case... it is rather as if I had bad circulation in a limb."

”Your chakra doesn't flow right in your body?” the silken partner mused.

"While my chakra flows perfectly fine through all the points inside my body, it cannot easily push out through any of the 361 tenketsu... those are the points you use to project your chakra for jutsu. Most nin at most use about... 30, 50 of them?”

The first girl to speak, Akane, rubbed her forehead thoughtfully. ”Isn't that... wasteful?”

”Not really," Lee explained. ”It's more a matter of your body intensely focusing on what you need to use, what you can actively use. A bloodline might activate a few more, and anyone can train to use more of them. But only Hyuuga like my teammate Neji can use them all instinctively. I am simply at the opposite side of the line from him.”

”So wait,”someone near the back asked, ”what _can_ you do?”

Lee thought a moment. ”I can tree walk, and do any of the little tricks nin use to enhance their body, but I cannot shape or transform chakra outside my body. My chakra nature is quite simply Yang. Since it cannot push out of my body, it has grown to be useful inside it. Controlling the gates themselves can allow me even greater power. And so Gai-sensei is training me in tai--"

"Wait," another boy with an injured leg propped up interrupted. "You're... _Maito Gai_ 's student?"

"Er, yes. I am learning taijutsu from my cousin," Rock Lee admitted.

Another beat.

"AWESOME!"

"Oi, sempai, if Kakashi-sensei says it's okay, can you teach us--"

"Wow, the next Great Beast of Konoha--"

Lee blinked at the babbling class, then turned to Kakashi.

Lee's eyes narrowed as he saw the masked nin's nose buried in a book. "Heh. My, how daring Natsu-chan... oh, er, carry on, Lee, nothing your sensei's forbidden you to pass on."

Lee shook his head. "Cool and Hip," he chided.

##

**1307 h. Konoha Ninja Library. Just down the street from the Academy/ Hokage's office complex.**

"Three mice says she's here all afternoon."

"Kageko will take that bet, Cat."

The dark haired nin in a chuunin vest and blue shirt and trousers sighed. "Sakura, if you'd give me a moment, I'm sure I can find the index scroll--"

"Bastards should put the rotting thing back!" Sakura growled. She grabbed another book, thumbed through the introduction, growled again, and re-shelved it. "Hirohi-san, I need a file detailing medical concerns for an Uzumaki. This is the Tsunade Medical Collection, and it is filed by name of condition. Which would be fine, if anyone would tell me what the name of the Log-damned condition is!"

"My, Ugly-chan, you are a picture of calm today."

"Screw off, Sai, I'm busy," Sakura shot over her shoulder. "Gah, I hate being short-- where's the leaf cursed rolling ladder--"

"If the complaint is specific to a clan or bloodline," a soft voice said, "you want the section where the Tsunade Collection and the Hizashi Kekkei Genkai Registry meet."

Sakura slowly turned. The woman speaking had just past shoulder-length brown hair and large, bright, brown eyes. She also had two purple rectangular markings on each of her cheeks-- clan markings, most likely. She wore a black tank top in an athletic style tailored for support in combat, a high waist light purple apron skirt, a pair of shorts, a blue-banded Konoha forehead protector, sandals, and stockings that stopped at her thighs. She had a backpack with a number of scroll slots on it. And as she dismissed him, the librarian gave her the nod of a kohai to a superior.

And Sai was standing beside her, that damned smile on his face, holding one of the rolling ladders.

"I thought you might need this, as the librarians prefer nin not leave footprints on the shelves and books," the Ne said.

She belted him one.

"You're welcome!" he cried as he went arse over headband.

"A _certain duo_ will be told you were using that smile with me again, and you know what _they_ said you'd get then..."

Sai immediately sat upright. "You wouldn't."

"I would," Sakura countered.

"That's inhumane!" Sai objected.

"So's that smile," Sakura rebuffed.

"... can I still call you Ugly...?"

"Oh, that's a pet name at this point."

"... Mizu opera?" the woman suggested.

"Worse. Brook and the Revivers karaoke," Sakura explained.

The woman paused, considered this, and shivered.

"And _she_ sings lead," Sai added, gulping. "Danzou-sama plays his shamisen."

"... surely that crosses some sort of war crime line..." the woman mused.

"And who is this, Sai?" Sakura asked, far too sweetly.

"Oh, Ugly-chan," Sai said, reaching out to hug her. "Still trying to teach me social grace when everyone else has given up on me."

Sakura rolled her eyes, but hugged him back. "Yeah."

The woman gave them a smile. "So, you'd be Ugly-chan. I see he's still doing that whole opposite-nickname thing."

"What do you mean, Toxic-nee?" Sai wondered aloud.

Sakura blushed. "Thank you, Nee-san. Yes, I'm Haruno Sakura."

"I'm Rin, I'm an inin and I specialize in Kekkei Genkai and other hereditary--"

Sakura wasn't sure how she got to grabbing the woman's shoulders and staring her in the face, but she was going to roll with it. "Naruto's Rin?"

"Er, yes, I know Uzumaki Naruto," Rin admitted.

"The pills. Explain. Please. I don't think anyone has, and he's nowhere near as endearingly annoying as he should be today."

Rin sighed. "Ah. Yes. That's... I should have realised sooner," she murmured. "This way."

Sakura barely heard one of the library cats concede the bet of three mice to her sensei's snake as she and Sai followed the inin.

"My starting place when dealing with inherited issues is this," the woman said, gesturing to a huge reference book on a reading stand. "Uchiha Yusuke, a contemporary of Tsunade-sama, started the Kekkei Genkai no I-Hakkajiten, as a reference for inin treating things like his clan's Sharingan." She started quickly but delicately paging through the book as Sakura stood beside her. "It's rather sad his clan never allowed the access needed to give the Sharingan the article it deserves-- especially when Tsunade-sama's own grandmother Mito-sama helped him with the seal work to make this main copy of the Encyclopedia and the records used to compile print editions tied together-- something is added to the records, the book updates."

"Amazing," Sakura said, touching the book reverently. "Living books are so hard to set up-- I've seen the living history Horekishi..."

"And the Armory Catalogue... which was less dry than you'd expect..." Sai mused.

"Because it includes histories of the named weapons," Sakura said with a pleased smile. She shook her head and refocused. "So, by clan?"

"Yes, or bloodline. For example, here's details on how the Inuzuka's unique relationship with dogs increases their chances for some illnesses and decreases it for others."

Sakura reached over, paging through with the same care the senior nin had. "Uzumaki..." she murmured. "Ah. Here you are-- ah, Awesome! That healing thing is a kekkei genkai. Towa Baitaru Shinpaku."

"Mm," the woman agreed. "The Perpetual Vital Heart Beat. Totapaku. Often nicknamed 'Total Package' in East Blue. The pills are for his Chi-Shinshoku. It's like any overactive immune system... it can turn on what it's meant to protect."

"He isn't taking his pills, and doesn't know why he needs them, and so the Erosion eats away at his own body..." Sakura realised.

"So he did not know about the Blood Erosion, only that pills were being foisted on him?" Sai reflected with a frown. "That is odd. An Uzumaki orphan should be among the best cared for in town."

Sakura sighed. "I have to admit, Naruto's turning out to be the exception to a lot of cases. He didn't know he had a kekkei genkai. One of his cousins noticed and told him that much but... it may take a while to tell him the details."

Here, Rin gave a tight smile. "Well, a change is coming soon," she said. Then she smirked. "Then again, as Sensei said, 'Change always comes, like it or not, silly genin.'"

Sakura found herself staring at the woman.

"... Yes?" Rin prompted.

"... people are... quoting your sensei when they say that, then?" she managed.

"Yes. Though, they do tend to drop the 'silly genin part'," Rin admitted.

"Oh, Sakura, sorry!" Sai said, smirking. "This is Nohara Rin."

Sakura knew shock made her wide-eyed. "... the Leaf's Balm?"

"Yep," Sai confirmed with a self-satisfied expression.

"The Yondaime's student?"

"Ya-huh."

"Nohara Rin?"

"Indeed."

"Well, Log bless my sweet little soul," Sakura managed, and fainted.

##

**1315 h. Training ground 23, the one with the most targets.**

Tenten gave the man before her a flat look. "I am training with who my sensei directed," she said flatly.

"Then advise him you will no longer do so!" the man said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Yamamoto-san," Tenten said, barely keeping civil. "I do not understand why my sensei's choice in training partners concerns you. What is your issue with Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Pah. You just mind me, the Merchant's Guild could make it very troubling for your parents' shop if you do not distance yourself from that false Uzumaki!"

"Most of our clients are ninja," Tenten said.

The man waved his hand dismissively. "You think I don't know that? Of course I count nin among my allies! Names even a naive girl like you would know."

"And you and these nameless legends call Naruto a 'False Uzumaki'... why?"

"If he's a real Uzumaki, I'll drink poison," the official said. A civilian official. Playing power games. "Mark my words, missy, that blonde head discounts him from that.

"And I'm sure my teammate Neji will enjoy hearing how you feel neither he nor Naruto can claim their Uzumaki heritage due to hair colour," she continued, her voice as cold as she could manage. "Hyuuga Hina. Born Uzumaki. His mother."

The man waved her off again. "As if the Hyuuga would claim ties to that monster. I may buy Neji being one, but the brat? Pah."

Tenten felt her teeth clinch. She was never as good as Neji at the cool facade thing. "Naruto is practically the Sandaime's grandson," she rejoined hotly.

"Politics may force him to appease that-- thing--"

"Or maybe he's just actually taken the time to _know_ Naruto before condemning him!" Tenten shot back.

Yamamoto sneered at her. "Do you know how much property damage he's caused over the years?"

"I killed someone," Tenten said flatly. "My team is my parole.”

The man blinked at her.

"If Naruto can manage to hold himself to a few ultimately harmless pranks rather than my own grand stupidity... well, you're trying to turn me against a better man than me."

Yamamoto blinked at her. "Emiya-san, regretful as that is there is more to it than a few pranks."

"You have evidence? A confession?"

The council man growled. "I am... constrained from sharing details--"

"Meaning either you don't have it, or the Hokage has classified it to hell and back!" Exasperated, Tenten took a step forward. Despite being taller than her, the politico took a step back. "And your bullshite about him not being an Uzumaki doesn't matter. Neither would a DNA test. Because my teammate Neji is willing to claim him as family! So is Uzuki Yuugao! I'd say even if he was adopted, Naruto's more Uzumaki than you or I!"

Yamamoto flushed-- rage, embarrassment, Tenten wasn't sure. "Yuugao 'The Great Reversal'?"

"But don't worry, Yamamoto-san," Tenten said, smirking slightly as the idea occurred to her. "I won't hold you to that poisoning pledge. That would be petty of me. And Naruto wouldn't wish it on you. So I'll just suggest you re-assess what you've been telling others, and yourself, and try to see the Naruto that's there rather than what you want to see. And I'll consider your advice with full knowledge of the spirit it was given in."

Yamamoto drew himself up. "Mark my words, girl! You court trouble standing beside that Naruto!"

Tenten smiled. "Good thing that's what I'm trained to deal with."

The man huffed, turned, and walked away.

Tenten blinked as she noticed three kids had been watching from a nearby bench.

"Show's over, kids," she grumbled, pulling a strip of seals. She wanted to get the target practice she intended in.

"You know the Boss?" the one with the goggles and scarf asked.

Tenten blinked at him. "The... You mean Naruto?"

"Of course I mean Naruto!" the boy replied, looking at her as if she was crazy.

"And you are?" she prompted.

"Us? Why, all of Konoha should know us!"

The glasses-wearing boy tossed a pellet to the ground, and the three children were enveloped in smoke.

Then they began coughing.

"Too much gunpowder, Udon," the first boy grumbled.

"Intro, Ko-kun," a girl's voice chided.

"Right, right. Ahem," coughing fit, "we are the future leaders of Konoha!"

The girl emerged first. She also had goggles on her forehead-- they all did, Tenten realized. Her orange hair was done up with red elastics into two very large pigtails that stood upright. She seemed to have a blush as pronounced and constant as Neji's cousin usually sported. She wore a red tank-top over a pink t-shirt layered at the bottom; her pants were grey and she wore the traditional ninja sandals. She struck a young girl's imitation of her sister's glamour pose.

"The youthful girl with three times the beauty of any Konoha kunoichi, Itagaki Moegi!"

Still coughing and wiping a bit of snot from his nose, the bespectacled boy appeared, smirking and tapping his temple. He had short brown hair and dark eyes. He wore a simple blue shirt which zipped up the middle, a pair of brown pants, and sandals. And of course, the goggles.

"The steadfast and strong Hayabusa Udon!"

Short spiky brown hair and black eyes. Tenten thought she noticed a small chip in one of his teeth. He wore a yellow shirt with the Konoha symbol in red, grey shorts, and a long blue scarf. And a pair of goggles, of course. He struck a "ready" pose that Tenten almost instantly realized he'd copied from Naruto.

"The tactical and strategic genius leader, Sarutobi Konohamaru!"

"Konohamaru Corps, Ready!" the three chorused, doing their best to pose like a team as if shite might just get real.

Tenten blinked at the trio.

"I stand corrected, the show has just started."

##

**1320 h.**

"My word. I swear, the boy is giving me a show," Hiruzen was murmuring.

Danzou held back a snort. Kakashi may well be giving his Hokage a sort of show, but Saru and Danzou were doing no less. To those without clearance or wit to understand how the Leaf really worked, Danzou was going through Hiruzen's paperwork while Hiruzen was 'distracted' watching Kakashi lead the chuunin instructors around the Academy/ Hokage office complex.

If this was the truth of the matter, the Bears would have had Danzou's head on a platter for their Hokage in seconds, and a psychologist inin in the office to check their leader's competence.

"I don't think there'll be any complaints about shouldering those sandbags."

"Oh?" Danzou said absently, scanning the training regimen submitted by Anko. It was brilliant, and he penned but a few comments in the memo Hiruzen was sending back. These were of course done in his near perfect imitation of Sarutobi's calligraphy.

Anko knew the subtle differences, had been raised to spot them years ago in fact, but one must keep up appearances.

"Indeed. Kakashi is shouldering the same weight... and his wife. And... yes, that's Gai's young cousin Lee keeping up with them on his hands with the bags balanced on his feet. He's getting funny looks."

Danzou let the smallest bit of amusement seep into his voice. "You'd think they'd be used to Rock Clan training by now. Is Kakashi angling his book so she can read it?"

"Mm, just like when they were heading off on their honeymoon. How do they act so poised and disinterested?"

"I suppose some of us manage it, Hokage-sama," Danzou murmured, knowing Hiruzen would hear the compliment behind the apparent hidden barb-- and really, if most idiots could spot the supposed barb was it even hidden, let alone a barb?

Danzou shuffled past a couple more memos before coming across one particular list in neat calligraphy... and froze.

Sabotage. At the academy. Clan members blackmailing teachers.

Twenty pages of this rot.

Threatening to send refugees back into the Bloody Mist.

Saru met his sideways glance with one of his own. The Bears did nothing as he folded the list four times and slipped it in the pocket in his left sleeve. Hiruzen looked away and Danzou slipped over to join him at the window.

"... are those the traditional Kaju robes Rindo's wearing?"

"Mm. And look who's helping her snake chase around the poor bastards."

"... that tank top of little Rin-chan's has become rather well fitting."

"It suits her just so. Tissue?"

"Oh, thank you."

And then they were just two old honourable perverts enjoying the view.

Nothing odd in Konoha.

##

**1331 h.**

"Naruto," Tenten said sweetly.

"I took the fucking pills," he snapped.

Tenten smiled indulgently at him. "Good to know. But actually I was going to ask, do these belong to you?"

Naruto looked over to see the three young Academy-sei bound in a prisoner line behind his sempai. "I rent them on occasion, but never during school hours."

"Aw, but Boss," Konohamaru whined. "You skipped class all the time!"

"Only after the third time I was made to repeat a class!" Naruto said sternly. "And I was there for every test, even if the teacher gave me harder ones. Which stopped happening with Iruka. And _anyway_ , Kakashi-nii is in charge of the Academy now! I refuse to believe it's that boring."

"But he's teaching Class Willow!" Konohamaru grumbled.

"What, you figure he should be teaching your class?" Naruto said, glaring at the younger nin. "I thought you didn't like special treatment because of your grandpa!"

"Yeah, but... this is... that-- I'll still be Hokage first!"

"Brilliant argument," Naruto murmured.

"Yeah, well... you're a stupid face!"

"Stupid face?" Naruto roared. Then, he smiled an evil fox grin. "Tenten, I think we should make sure these three are delivered _directly_ to Iruka-sensei."

"Ah, yes," Tenten agreed as even Moegi's blush paled. "He would still be in charge of truants."

"Boss," Udon murmured. "You... you wouldn't... would you?"

"Oh no!" Moegi squeeled. "Kasumi-nee will kill me! And that's _after_ the... the..."

"BIG HEAD LECTURE!" the trio cried.

"No! I'll die before I get to be Hokage!" Konohamaru cried.

"Er, Boss," Udon said, "I-I think I hear Ryu-ji calling me, and you know he doesn't like waiting--"

"Now Kasumi-nee will never teach me that trick with Shunshin and the volleyball!" Moegi sobbed.

"BOSS, HAVE MERCY!"

"Kids, lesson number six," Naruto prompted.

The three bowed their heads and dutifully chanted, "A good Konoha Nin pays for their fun, and makes sure their fellows do as well."

Naruto nodded, still grinning. "Lead on, Tenten. I'll take up the rear. Yuugao-nee-chan had to deal with some pudgy retired nin."

##

**1335 h. Maki Hon'ya, 535 Uzu Pine Way**

"I would have prefered meeting at my offices," Tani Sarubo grumbled as they walked through the delivery entrance to Maki Ami's bookshop.

Yuugao did not turn. "If you have no faith in the security seals of an Uzumaki... ones I helped set... many of them not in place at your office-- then perhaps you should not interact with Uzumaki."

"I, of course, was not implying otherwise," Sarubo assured her. "I would be a fool to suggest a lack of faith in Uzumaki fuinjutsu. Especially if you were involved with their creation-- was it that irate Kumo nin that dubbed you 'The Wall'?"

Yuugao gave a little hum that Sarubo could take as he wanted as she gestured him to sit at the long table Ami and her staff used for break time. Privately, she wondered why the rot wouldn't you question an Uzumaki on seals? Many of her clan held the skill, but it was not a kekkei genkai. Some of them sucked at it.

Playing to a stereotype would not do Sarubo many favours here.

"Yuugao-nee was very helpful with the seals that protect my shop," Ami called from the front. "I will join you in a moment, please go on."

Case in point. Ami was many things-- bibliophile, good cook, master of their clan's traditional weapons-- but by 'helping' she meant 'laid all the seal work for me because if I even try a storage seal the thing doesn't have the good grace to explode, it's so unusable.'

"Indeed," Sarubo called back. His polite smile faded to a frown so calculated in its disappointment Yuugao could almost picture the percentage he expected her resolve to go down. "On... other matters, I fear your good sense fails you. Yuugao, I know you were not with the boy today under orders--"

"Why would she need orders to attend to our cousin, Tani-san?"

Sarubo blinked as Hyuuga Hina stood at the doorway with the store's owner right behind her. "Hyuuga-san. I... was not expecting you--"

"Why ever not?" Hina wondered. "We three are after all Naruto's closest living relatives. If you want to talk about Naruto, we save time passing things along later and avoid mishearing you." She smiled. Like a fox.

It was an Uzumaki thing.

Ami smiled. "How is Kushina-nee's little monster?"

"Made it through a VOC with his Haruno team mate near perfectly," Yuugao answered.

"Ah, it's good to see a Haruno and an Uzumaki side by side," Hina sighed. "There's history there."

"Indeed, and our own ties of blood, as I'm sure Tani-san understands," Ami said.

 _Take the hint,_ Yuugao silently pled. _Three Uzumaki being this formal with you is not a good sign. Take the hint. Show us even a hint of Minato's old team mate._

Sarubo's faux concern was replaced by faux sadness. "I would not deny you your blood ties, Maki-san," he said, looking at Ami. "But... maybe I would suggest the boy is not _ready_ for his clan's embrace. As his reputation is now, and given his behavior in response to it--"

"And what steps have you taken then, Tani-san?" Ami asked innocently.

"Steps?"

"Well, correct me if I'm wrong," Ami mused, tapping the table. "but you are _Naruto's_ jijuu rather than the _Uzumaki_ sesshou. You manage his estate, and act for his welfare when Sarutobi-hokage or Jiraiya-sama cannot. Beyond the money, anything you say is just a suggestion. If your concerns were honest, it would seem the correct action within the bounds of your office should be getting Naruto to the point where he _can_ interact with his clan."

"Have you interacted with Naruto in any meaningful way?" Yuugao asked. "Naruto didn't seem to recognize you. I know he'd recognize Ai on sight. You've talked to her recently, I'm sure."

"Well..." Sarubo said, and he was scrambling now, Yuugao could tell. "In a way, I suppose I serve as the boy's voice to the Uzumaki--"

"Without talking to Naruto himself," Hina noted archly. "A neat trick. One I'm not sure the clan as a whole truly agree with, and a role you play entirely at our sufferance. And many of us have come to think you aren't doing it that well."

"How do the other Tani feel about this?" Ami asked. "Your clan has deep ties to the Uzumaki, Tani-san. Have you ever asked... perhaps, your cousin Chiaki about Naruto? He has a rather vested interest due to his position. And what of Tsunade and the other Senju? I'm sure they'd have points to raise as much as we do."

"Maki-chan," Sarubo snapped back. "I appreciate how you feel, but I must put myself above the ties of clan sentimentality. It can cloud judgement. The timing for the boy to be embraced by the many who are aching to is all wrong. He may have to suffer for the clan. A position I'm sure Hyuuga-san appreciates--"

"My husband," Hina ground out, "went willingly to Kumo in his brother's place. I took the dictation of the letter to my son that tells us this. His hands were shaking too much to write it himself, Tani-san. And so I wrote my husband's last goodbye to our son for him. A sacrifice must be valued or willing, and it would seem Naruto is neither to his jijuu."

Sarubo blinked. "Hyuuga-san, I--"

"Tani Sarubo," Yuugao said firmly. "Messages have been sent to Jiraiya-sennin, Konan-oyabun, and Sarutobi-hokage about a meeting the Uzumaki will have to discuss this matter. And you are _not_ invited, nor will any... advice you attempt to give be appreciated. In fact, the KeiBu you will meet as you exit are a courtesy, to stop any Uzumaki from seeking your advice."

"After all, we know _you_ will listen to the request of Naruto's closest relatives," Hina continued.

"You would hardly risk your clan's honour doing otherwise," Ami noted.

"Of... course, Maki-san, Hyuuga-san, Uzuki-san. I... will patiently await your clan's vindication."

He left with a confused air.

"Of course, we've had two of those meeting already," Ami practically growled.

"Easy, Ami-chan," Hina counseled. "We still need to get the clan as a whole off its ass. We must be unified here. Naruto needs his family."

"He always has," Yuugao said sadly. "We let other things get in the way."

"Politics," Hina agreed.

Ami slammed her fist to the table. "It never would have gotten this far if Nagato were still alive!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why are you all looking at me like that? What? What?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> v 2.0

**1400 h. Anko got LOTS of training posts for a LOG-DAMN reason, kids!**

"I must have known you for a while," Neji said as he walked up. "Seeing you reduce 50 poles to toothpicks in two seconds is no longer amazing."

"I must have had _your_ Youthful acquaintance for a while, my Eternal Rival," Lee countered. "Because I find the blunt admission you _were_ at one point amazed to be quite intensely amazing."

Lee smiled, and Neji smirked. From him, Neji reflected, that was practically a chuckle. It was... nice not to fight the urge Lee stirred to just relax and let himself be.

"I finally figured out our nickname was... of multiple meanings."

Lee sighed. "Had Gai-sensei not made it Intensely clear when I graduated, I would likely need him to beat me over the head with it."

"I think that was the next step, with me," Neji admitted. "Do you know where I just was?" At Lee's headshake, Neji sighed. "The Public Nin Register. As part of the accountability accords with the civilian population, unless the... well, fuck up was part of something B-Rank or higher, it's in our public files. That includes my Academy days and most of our team time."

"And...?" Lee prompted.

Neji sighed. "Stack five of your thick notebooks. That's just my academy day insubordinations."

Neji snorted as Lee grew wide(r) eyed with pinprick pupils. "Oh. My. Log."

"Yes. I am seen to have an attitude problem. A contention I'm finding it hard to argue with." He stanced, and Lee took up the implicit invitation to talk and spar with an enthusiastic Horse Stance. They flowed smoothly into the slower, deliberate movements that let them break down each other's tics.

"I... you are aware of my clan's main contributions to Konoha's Flames of Youth? You are un-Youthfully leading with the left a bit much again." Lee tapped Neji's leading leg with his right, barely having to move to demonstrate.

"Damn. That keeps cropping up, no matter how many times you sweep me. May need to talk to one of the clan masters about it. You are in charge of the taijutsu archive-- sloppy on the follow through, did Sakura get your left arm yesterday?-- and you are the root cause of our understanding the use of the Eight Gates more than any other village."

"She managed a Youthful high kick, gave me a most intense bruise above the elbow. And yes, you are correct. Our Awesome knowledge of the gates affords us much respect." He jumped a low kick and knocked Neji back with his counter, twisting away from Neji's counter strike.

"Better," Neji conceded as they paused a moment. "I know you can take normal blows--"

"But with Jyuken, nerve strike based styles and certain elemental based touch attacks, I must be ready to Youthfully dodge, yes." They moved again, Lee weaving around Neji's palm which glowed softly with the 'test strike' level of chakra every Hyuuga started training with. It stung like hell, but did not block tenketsu. "Part of that mastery is knowing _when_ one can start learning them. I proved... overeager. Un-Awesomely skipping several vital exercises to strengthen my system overeager."

Neji tried a feint, and only just managed to avoid the grapple Lee had been faking him into. "Ah. Yes. Much like we learn to strike like this before projecting the true Gentle Touch." He gestured with his hands. "By the way, your other arm was extended too far."

Lee frowned, then winced and shook his right arm. "Ah, yes. There are the pins and needles. When I tried to grapple?"

"Just slightly overcommitting. Your weakness is not your technique, it is spotting when to use it," Neji said. "Still, the fact I am afraid to let you snare me rather than taking it as an opening..." He blocked the hail of rapid fire punches, then grunted as one slipped past and hit his belly. "Ouch. How ... overeager were you?"

Lee winced as he backed up. "One should not be un-Youthfully forcing chakra through the gates during one's first month in Academy."

Neji dropped out of his ready stance in favour of staring at Lee in naked disbelief.

"I know," Lee sighed.

"Lee, that's before they give us our first full chakra theory lecture."

"I know," Lee agreed.

"That is... akin to planning a table before one has milled the log, Lee."

"I know," Lee said, bowing his head.

"That is almost exactly how I would describe--"

Lee mustered a rueful smirk. "It made me as I am today. It is only because Gai-sensei convinced the Hokage and our uncle Lo that I would not be so foolish in the future... I cannot eliminate my Youthful vigor, Neji. Only try to focus it Intensely and correctly. But come, you were saying...?"

"That I seem to have an attitude problem."

Rock Lee's expression of shock was the perfection of a man in control of his body.

Neji scowled. "I'm trying to share--"

Lee's face relaxed into a small smile. "Sorry, go on."

Neji sighed. "Today... my father left a letter for me explaining what happened... that day. There is... more to it than I can share. The crux of it is that my father willingly took my uncle's place. In fact, he kept my uncle from martyring himself."

Lee let that sit a moment. Then: "So rather than a pawn, your father was a willing sacrifice. Rather than need to rush things, I just needed to focus my Flames of Youth on the building blocks for the splendid nin I desire to be."

Another pause.

"Tenten's never told me why she is with us," Lee admitted. "Anytime the subject is skirted... she looks haunted."

Neji pursed his lips a moment. "Some things... you cannot force."

"Very true."

For a moment, the two rivals just stood there, each allowing the other to catch up on stray thoughts.

"You know, it's interesting," Neji reflected. "Most of the people directly involved in the kidnapping and my father's death... they have had the worst luck."

"Oh?" Lee prompted.

"Fatal food poisoning-- one via ill-prepared fugu. A merchant that helped the Raidaimyo browbeat the Ei of the day into looking the other way had a number of investments go sour before he finally drove his cart off a cliff. That sort of sad, sort of funny sort of karma."

Lee's grin was not at all put on, and not at all nice. "Nothing that could be traced to Konoha, of course."

Neji mustered all his innate Hyuuga dignity to take offense. "Lee. We are the _nice, soft_ ninja village."

"Ah. Of course we are. Just an amazing, Awesomely just bout of Intense coincidence."

"Exactly."

##

A young woman in a secret tunnel looked up from planning exactly how a certain robber-baron's fleet would catch fire should the need arise and giggled. "Oh. Yami-sama was right. You _can_ tell when they're appreciating your work!"

##

**1420 h. A certain Ne's bookshop.**

"You have the _best_ history section-- sweet Shodai! Yuugao-nee! Yuugao-nee! Ami-nee has first editions of the parts of the Nidaime's Diary that were cleared for publication." Even as Ami opened her mouth, Naruto held up his hand. "Except she totally doesn't because the first run was burnt for holding too much, why would she have a first edition even in her private collection, Red Cat-nee? You're silly. Hohoho."

Ami met Yuugao's grin with her own. "He's such a good boy."

"Isn't he just?" Yuugao agreed.

"Dad's upstairs," Ami said, leading them to an elevator at the back of the second floor over her book shop.

"Oi, I bet your dad was a super awesome ninja Uzumaki like you, right Ami-nee? Maybe a KeiBu or ANBU, or... I guess an intelligence officer like Nee-sensei's cousin would be cool too..."

Ami smiled down at him. "Actually, my dad was a librarian. Hell, we didn't even know we were Uzumaki until I was five."

"Flat what." Naruto said, as the elevator began to rise.

"You have to understand," Yuugao said with a sigh. "Everyone that survived Uzushio's fall near the end of the Second Shinobi war... regardless of clan... we all scattered. Uzumaki, Bungi, Yuki. And we didn't always end up in friendly places. So we hid. Sometimes so well... we didn't tell our kids what we were for fear of drawing down our enemies."

"... so... how'd you end up here?"

Ami sighed. "Tou-san developed a mysterious ailment, and, well, Konoha is renowned for its irojutsu. We gave the world Tsunade, and Rin, and quite a few others. The only thing that kept Minato-hokage from enacting Tsunade-sensei's four man genin team with a medic... was dying. We have a good inin program, and the best hospital in Hi-- rot, on the entire Tenkariku. So, when Tou-san started feeling run down, having depressive episodes, couldn't concentrate... we came here." She sighed as the door to the fourth floor opened.

"Ah. Ami-chan. Yuu-chan, a delight as always... and this must be young Naruto-kun!"

Naruto blinked at the wheelchair bound man. "Er, hello, o-jii."

The man smirked as Naruto took him in. "Maki Hayato, of the Uzumaki. We didn't get the pills in me in time to save my legs. And I only use my prosthetics when I have to."

"Save your..." Naruto murmured.

"Yes," Hayato mused. And other than the legs, Naruto thought, he looked to be the picture of health and vigor. He had to be around Raiya-jii's age, maybe a little younger... but seemed to have as much if not more vitality as the Toad Sannin, with dark red hair that almost made him look like an elderly Haruno. The salt of age among it was sparse and dignified. "That same marvelous healing that made a paper cut barely an hour's nuisance, that I had wondered over my whole life... without proper care, it can decide to attack parts of an Uzumaki's body. In a way, I'm lucky. It could have hit my liver and lead to all sorts of nasty issues. It did lead to diabetes, but we caught that before I needed to inject insulin, thank the Kami."

Naruto moved closer. "But you lost your legs."

"Because I needed medicine I didn't know I needed, because of family I didn't know I had. Yes," Hayato said with a sigh and a shrug. "I have a better life than some. Ami's told me tales of Konoha nin or one of our allies finding people near death who just didn't know they were Uzumaki."

"That was one thing we _wouldn't_ let happen to you," Yuugao said to Naruto, lips snapping from tight frown to words to frown again as she spoke. "You are here in Konoha. You, of all people, should not have to suffer not knowing your past. I'm sorry we didn't tell you why you needed your pills, but it is as much a part of being an Uzumaki as Uzushio is."

Hayato smiled sadly. "I'm glad we came here. I'm glad I know my great grandfather was Uzumaki Yori, the Whirling Tsunami." He reached out and took Ami's hand, smile a bit stronger. "I'm glad Ami-chan got a chance to reach her potential." His face fell again. "I just... there are likely more of our clan, and clans that don't know they're connected to us, and the Senju, or the other Uzushio clans. We've... been scattered so long..."

"They'll come here."

The three older Uzumaki suddenly focused on their young relative. He wasn't grinning, or shouting defiance... his voice was a calm flat statement of fact.

"I'm going to make Konoha a place all us Uzumaki can come together. All the Uzushio clans. You can believe it. And we'll be what Konoha vows to be for them: a safe place."

##

**1423 h.**

"He's milking it," the woman only addressed as Ibiki's Secretary said. She sat in his lap, post-coital cuddling after an afternoon quickie-- not that they were so predictable as to do this everyday, but it was fun every once and a while. And what was going to happen if they were caught? Everyone in town was a pervert.

"The interrogation," Ibiki said, frowning and running a hand through her blue hair.

"He knows we want what he knows about the snake and he thinks he's worth more alive than dead because of it," she said in her usual calm manner. "He's taunted us with his resistance to mind-walking, which is on file."

Ibiki thought a moment and slowly nodded. "He probably thinks that letting Anko in to play with him was a sign of desperation. And his head state is going to interpret any leverage we use on him that way."

She slipped out of his lap, her shirt not long enough for modesty she didn't care for. She didn't teasingly wiggle her arse either. They were in work mode, and she never played that kind of sexy anyway. She grabbed a form out of the top right drawer of his desk and placed it in front of him.

Ibiki smirked as he grabbed his bandana and covered his scarred scalp, recognising the form in question and shaking his head. "Now when did you--"

She smirked right back. "Started filling it out the second I read 'broke the Sandaime's conditional amendment to the Nidaime's Jinchuuriki Privacy Law'. Added a few reasons when I heard he tried to kill Naruto and old Ekou. Finished it when I came to my conclusions. Any changes you need me to make?"

Some would have pointed out the chances of that were next to zero. Ibiki merely scanned the document intently before pulling out a stamp and a brush-pen. He signed it, and stamped it with the T&I seal.

They nodded to each other, and she took his hand. "I'll send it to the Professor once we've cleaned up."

And she led him to the bathing area of his office's washroom (perk of the post) and they scrubbed each other clean as the form that consigned Mizuki to death waited to be processed.

##

**1443 h. The Home of Team Anko.**

"So this is Small Dick," Sai said genially.

Sakura grabbed Naruto's jacket even as her teammate began to lunge. "He calls me Ugly, Danzou-jii Bright Eyes (among other things), and the Hokage our Idiot Leader, he likes to nickname people their opposites."

Naruto stopped surging forward and sighed. "You happen to have popped wood _once_ when Iruka-sensei calls on you, and everyone hears about it."

Sakura patted his shoulder. "Look at it this way, the person who made sure everyone heard it got covered in mud and paint afterward."

"Sorry you got caught in that one," Naruto murmured.

"Eh. Even Ino figured she deserved it that time," Sakura admitted. She held out a stack of papers, grinning. "Sai used his best handwriting for this, and he gets really sad when people don't read things he's used it for. And then he does the whole trying to be stoic thing, and his brother and Danzou notice, and Danzou has to think of a way to cheer him up..."

Naruto blinked at that, shivered, and took the papers. He blinked at the title. "'All About Naruto's Clan, Bloodline, and Musical Tastes'?"

Sai ducked Sakura's swat. "I told you to leave that out!"

"And I gave it due consideration," Sai countered.

"Hm. So I must have dad's hair colour or something, Jii-jii said Mom had red hair," Naruto mused, already deep into the ten page booklet.

"Blond is not seen as a typical Uzumaki colour," Sai said, "despite there being many. Blond and red hair are actually rather close genetically. Where this misconception they're all red heads comes from... it is a recent thing. Might be one of Sunny-jii's disinformation ploys." The Ne tapped his lips.

Naruto sank on to the floor in front of the couch. "I met Ami's dad today," he noted.

"Ah, I've worked with your cousin," Sai said, a small honest smile on his face. "Always fun. Speaking of disinfo, she can go into an enemy territory and have a person's once loyal followers ready to kill him or her in a matter of days. It's... rather beautiful."

Naruto blinked and tapped a line on the third page. "Rin... Rin-chan helped you with this?"

"I fainted when I realised who she was," Sakura admitted. "You might have mentioned you meant the fucking Leaf's Balm..."

"Rot, Sakura, you know me," Naruto said, waving her off. "I don't see her that way. She's just Rin to me, the way the Sandaime's jii-jii. I don't see Man Down, I see Kakashi-nii, y'know?"

Sakura blinked. "... considered that way... yeah, it probably doesn't even occur to you, does it?"

"He knows Rin-sensei well, then?" Sai asked.

Sakura met his eye. "Says she's one of the few inin he trusts."

"Oh?" Sai drawled, and snapped out paper, ink, and brush.

"I do wonder, are there any others you trust?" Sakura mused with faux innocence, clasping her hands and tilting her head.

"What are you--" Naruto began, blinking at Sai.

"Oh, I have a pathological hatred of inin but make an exception for ones liked by people of discerning character," Sai said with a far too broad smile.

"Oi, I know what this is!" Naruto growled, crossing his arms.

"Ya-huh," Sakura agreed with a smirk.

"Iruka-nii-sensei does this too!"

"Yes," Sai said, his voice velvet coolness.

"You're about to make me do something that will ultimately be for my own good but I'll either find boring, useless, or damaging to my pride!"

"Possibly all three," Sakura noted.

"It's a golden opportunity," Sai noted. "How often can I legitimately mess with one of the Idiot Leader's favourites and have them both thank me later?"

Naruto sighed and pouted. "Alright, get it over with-- but I'm gonna be all petulant about it!"

"Oh, that's half the fun!" Sakura said.

##

**1450 h. Three Guesses as to where Gai and Anko find it Awesome and Youthful to be romantic.**

Anko turned and hissed to the approaching giant spider.

"Aw. Anko-nee never wants to play anymore," the spider whined.

Anko sighed. "Go bug your summoner, Ringumo. We've already had our fight horrible things quotient filled today."

The giant spider's mandibles clicked. "You-- you... YOU THINK I'M HORRIBLE! WAH!"

"Yes, yes, I do."

"AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN PRETENDING YOU CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS! WAH!"

"Youthful Ringumo! Fetch the Kunai!"

"Yay!" the spider said, and set off after the weapon.

Anko shook her head as she heard a wolf's growl, and then a series of snaps, and a weak whimper.

"SORRY MISTER DIRE WOLF!"

"Andoryuu needs to control his summons better," Anko muttered, settling back into Gai's arms. "How far did you throw it?"

"I didn't," Gai admitted. "Genjutsu. And yes, the 'wild' tigers here in the forest show more Youthful focus," Gai agreed. "Speaking of, Anko-chan..."

"You're right," Anko sighed. "We've had our fun, and they're likely just at the point they're going to try to entertain themselves."

Gai grunted as they rose. He let out a throaty chuckle.

"What?"

"How many of the genin will think that we were only euphemistically 'sparring'?" he wondered.

"... Even money Naruto calls us on both."

##

**Back on the home front.**

"Nah," Naruto said. "I figure they'd fuck, then spar, and maybe fuck again."

"Eh, likely," Sakura muttered. "If only so they can do the whole mixed truth thing."

"That is Fangless's style," Sai conceded.

##

**1458 h. Redwood Avenue.**

Tani Sarubo froze a block from his home as if he had seen a ghost.

The hair was not spikey, but short and neatly groomed... but the face was so close... and he was walking beside that damnable KeiBu, the one whose father was an Inuzuka. And the wife, the well known diplomat. And... yes, the "fourth" teammate. The one that marked them as Minato's pilot attempt at a four man squad. Lead by someone he trusted. Absolutely.

"Sarubo," the blond said, smiling far too easily.

"... H-heitamaru," the Tani returned. "What brings you back to Konoha?"

"Oh, little Rin-- you remember dear Rin, Minato's student?"

"Of... of course," Sarubo murmured.

"She sent that cute little messenger of hers-- Akaruime, you've met her? Sweet little mare-- to Iwagakure to tell me there was some business I should attend to personally today. And you know..." Heitamaru grinned. "... it seemed a shame to just send a message with my intent when Minato gave us a way to be here in an instant, yes?"

"Yes... yes, a great shame," Sarubo managed to agree. "Still... Heitan-kun, with your wife's posting--"

"Ah, Ounoki was rather insistent we attend to this in person, wasn't he dear?" Heitamaru said, turning to the auburn haired woman with him who'd been petting their teammate's hound. She looked up and grinned.

"Quite insistent, actually," the woman-- Kaila or some other odd foreign name-- replied with a smile.

"In fact, we should make like a cherry blossom and... drift over to the meeting," the Inuzuka (by way of the Uzumaki) said.

The medic winced, rubbing her eyes under her bifocals. "Kebukai, that was terrible. I want a divorce."

The dog nin snorted. "You'd have to, like, marry me first."

"Marry you? You fart too much."

"Well, you're a neat freak."

"And you smell like your dog."

"Oh, thank you, Zhi," Kebukai said, as the group carried on.

"See you, Sarubo-san," Kebukai's dog said, and then let out a laugh that had the manner of a noble woman from a play without being quite high enough.

"Shame Sarubo wasn't around when you wanted to visit, dear," Kaila said as she took her husband's hand.

"Yeah," Heitamaru agreed. "I got kinda bored."

Sarubo's eyes went wide, and he eyed the door to his own home as if it was one of the great tigers of Training Ground 44.

##

**1500 h. Yachi Chashitsu. Owned by Hyuuga Yachi, lone member of the Fuu branch.**

Many of the Uzumaki in attendance blinked as the four walked into the large meeting room accompanied by the tea shop's proprietor. Yachi simply looked to where Ami, Hina, and Yuugao sat and smiled as each nodded. Kebukai strode over to join the three woman at the raised main table.

"Cousin," Kazushi prompted helpfully.

"This is not a purely Uzumaki matter, Kazu-kun," Hina explained.

"You are damn fucking right it isn't," the dignitary said.

"Dear," his wife said, laying a hand on his shoulder.

The man took a deep breath.

"Yuugao," Heitamaru greeted the ANBU.

"Kurosaki-sama," the ANBU returned.

"Friend Uzumaki," the Kurosaki continued far too nicely.

"This is a clan meeting--" a portly man said, rising.

He was forced back down with a gulp by a glare from Kurosaki Kaila.

"No. This is a meeting concerning the son of my husband's cousin, Naruto," Kaila said, kneeling behind her husband as he joined the four Uzumaki on the dais at the low main table.

Heitamaru looked around, a challenge in his gaze. "Who is the sole surviving descendant of the Kurosaki's Namikaze branch. Zhi?"

"Uzumaki Shogo," the bespectacled brunette noted. "Tries to coast on his father's admirable service record. Washed out of the academy himself. Runs a bar. Shogo, given my sempai has a vested interest in matters at hand... shut up."

"Well-- why are you here, Sung-sensei?" Shogo asked, his tone much more polite. "You wish to support your teammate?"

"I am here to deliver a message," Zhi said, her voice the best clinical tone. There were some gulps. "From myself, my ijutsu sensei Rin, and her sempai Kakashi." She pulled out a scroll. "'We have respected the Uzumaki's wishes regarding our (Rin and Kakashi's) sensei's son until now. However, now we find that only a few others actually seem to give a damn about Naruto-kun. As we are both busy, Sung Zhi has offered to act in our stead.'"

"Act in their stead...?" another Uzumaki asked.

"Understanding the restrictions of the Peace seal," Zhi said, her face composed and relaxed, "Hina? Yuugao? Ami?"

"Yes, dear Zhi-inin?" Hyuuga Hina prompted.

"As Kushina-sama's closest relatives, who have also actually taken actions to aid Naruto when you can." She formed chakra scalpels. "Your word is my deed. Point, and tell me what must be done."

"I would help," Heitamaru offered.

"What...?" a slender woman, hair classic Uzu Auburn, murmured.

"They will kill on our word," Hina growled. "I am tempted." Hina gestured behind her, and Zhi took the traditional spot for a clan ally serving as enforcer, standing in shadow.

"How..." Shogo said with forced calm. "How bad--"

"He doesn't know about the Totapaku, or the Erosion," Kebukai supplied.

The portly bar keeper's eyes widened. "Does not-- what? What?" He turned to the other Uzumaki. "I have never been an active nin and I was taught of our gifts and the drawbacks from birth! No one?"

"Did you all think it was someone else's job?" Heitamaru asked with a scowl.

"Or Yuugao and I were being counselled we'd be too obvious if we talked to him," Hina grumbled.

Heitamaru sighed. "I apologise, my friend. That was born of worry."

Shogo sighed. "At this rate, I half expect some of you would justify not serving him in your--" His head snapped around as even he could spot flinches.

Heitamaru stood, eyes full of fury. "You. Are. Kidding. Me. Minato's son? Kushina's little one?"

The slender woman toe-walked closer to Shogo. "They are not. They-- yes, the clan head must be able to stand for us all, and yes he must be kept secure, but-- we did not do that to Kushina-sama!"

"Indeed, Megumi," Yuugao said. "I wonder how many others have used circumstance to justify shaming clan and kin..."

"Hiashi was just making clear to the Hyuuga that the Uzumaki are the Hyuuga's betters," Hina said. "It is a shame I find us failing to live up to that."

"The situation is different--" a short, brown haired man in a chuunin vest began.

Hyuuga Kazushi slammed the table he and several of his fellow Uzumaki-blooded Branch Hyuuga shared. His fellows did not look at Kazushi, but at who he was addressing, the implication clear. He spoke for all Hyuuga of Uzumaki blood.

"Only in that a law meant to protect Naruto-kun from those idiots who choose not to recall our Princess allows you to feel you can get away with it, Hiroshi! Neji-chourou-sama and Hiashi-sama sent Hinata around with a rather pointed reminder to our kin today that they consider Uzumaki business to have priority over any Hyuuga matters. And yet you, Hiroshi, hide like a cowardly dog when it comes to helping--"

"Kazushi-kun," Kebukai said gently.

Kazushi took a breath. "Thank you cousin."

Hina nodded. "Let us not be hasty. Let us show our kin how to properly handle such things." She turned with a benevolent smile to her gathered clan. "I give you a chance to explain now with full honestly. Anyone who has completely ignored Naruto-kun, who honestly felt they were doing what was best and shunned him, raise your hands. Come now, don't be shy. We are simply giving you a chance to explain."

She nodded slowly as hands went up. It took a good five minutes, but eventually a quarter of those present-- a quarter of the Uzumaki of age in town-- had hands raised.

"Very good. Kebu-kun, if you would kindly call some of your fellow KeiBu to escort our cousins to Ibiki's colleagues to have their explanations recorded--"

"What?" Hiroshi cried.

"Now, now," Ami said kindly. "The Morino clan have long, long been our allies. Why, I have it on good authority Ibiki and his brother have both shown a fondness for Naruto-kun."

"Indeed," Yuugao agreed. "We can trust him to aid us in this, as we have let our own discipline structure go slack."

"I'm sure so long as he does not think you're a liar or... say, a total bastard," Kebukai smirked at some fearful looks as Baraki let out another raspy 'ohohohoho', "you'll be out before sunset."

There were several fearful looks exchanged as Kebukai pulled out a radio and whispered into it. In the end, the KeiBu squad leader and Kebukai shared a nod as the... 'misguided' were lead out.

Once they were clear, Hina leaned forward. "Now. To the true meat of the matter. Ami, Yuugao, you've... heard a few things about the man Minato left in charge of his son's money?"


	7. Chapter 7

**1545 h. Hokage's office**

"So, Sakura-chan," the Hokage said in his grandfatherly manner, "how can we help you today?"

The girl before him-- it took him a second to understand why she surprised him-- but the way she was looking at him as she stood beside Sai (who had his best 'murder smile' on), this was a kunoichi. In defiance of the opinion of most of the Academy, bar Iruka and a few others, this was a kunoichi.

Excellent.

"I have a list here," Sakura said, "of doctors my teammate doesn't trust. This other, shorter list? Are those that even his forgiving nature remembered as wronging him. The third is a list of those he trusts."

She placed the paper on his desk.

Hiruzen looked at all three lists and nodded gravely. He created a Kage Bunshin, and it took the lists and began to add his own annotations with the office brush pen at his side, as he produced a second to root through his files. A third began working on a bit of legalese.

"Our head inin will be given it. He has already decreed that Naruto shall not be treated-- or even seen-- without his presence for the next half year. Your sempai Rin was rather quick to expose the lapse in Naruto's treatment. Yakushi-sensei has not told the inin this, but he will extend this on a whim if he is unsatisfied. Coupled with your lists... and understand, Naruto's trust may be as much a red flag, as a white one."

Sakura bowed. "Thank you, Hokage-sama. After Mizuki... that's understandable."

"Before Mizuki, even. Tell me if I can kill any," Sai added, still smiling.

All four versions of Hiruzen paused. "Tempting," he admitted. "But not yet. And let it be known to those you trust that as Naruto's comrades you are within your rights to remind the inin of this if they forget."

Sakura bowed again. "We shall, Hokage-sama."

The Hokage took a final copy of the lists from his first bunshin, grabbed the document the third held out, and gave Sakura's originals to the second. The second handed him a small stack of papers.

"Cover letter. To make it official," the Hokage noted. "Your timing is excellent, by the way. "

"Oh?" Sai asked.

"Anko wanted to get her team's yearly medical assessment done this very evening," the Hokage explained. "Gai as well. The rest of your class that graduated into the team track decided to go ahead with it once Yuuhi-sensei and yous had a chance to talk."

"Will this include a mental check up?" Sakura asked after a moment.

Hiruzen raised an eyebrow. "Should it?" he said, as his first bunshin pulled out another page, and the second added some to the stack.

"For myself... I've stumbled across a... trick, of sorts that may become a jutsu. As it involves... mental gymnastics... I'd wish to make sure I'm not... well, fucking myself up."

Hiruzen grinned as his first bunshin compiled the order. "My teammate lacked your foresight, and nearly blinded herself early in her career. As for the others...?"

Sakura gave a small grin. "Wouldn't hurt. They all have... quirks, but some are worrying or at least a bit attention drawing."

The first Hokage bunshin pulled out another sheet, obviously deciding a second draft was needed. "Done. I've been hoping to start phasing in yearly mental evaluations as the Yondaime was contemplating. My sensei, bless him, was not an inin and perhaps underestimated psychology's ability to help nin."

"If my concern for the others in my year's teams helps you do so... it is my pleasure to help the village," Sakura managed.

The Hokage took the final draft of the new order and used a quick drying jutsu on it before stacking it with the other three. He quickly cast another jutsu. The blank sheets he'd brought out smoked slightly, and he passed them to Sakura. "Your copy." He took another set. "Hospital's copy," he said with another pass of the printing jutsu, and gave it to his first clone, who folded it as the third produced a scroll. "I'll file the originals and my orders in the archives. " He took the copy to be sent to the Hospital and then lay out the mojikara, the special characters that sealed them in a scroll. That was rolled up, and then stamped with the Kage's chop and wax sealed shut.

"With all speed, Moon Bear," the Hokage commanded. Sakura controlled her surprise at the ANBU's appearance better than some chuunin. "If there is nothing else, perhaps you should rejoin your team and the other genin? Sai. Accompany her."

Sakura bowed to him. "Thank you, Hokage-sama. I shall."

Sai nodded.

Hiruzen felt but did not comment on Ice Bear leaving his post. The Mice were arriving anyways.

It was a good bit later the ANBU returned.

"All the way to the Academy gate before she started to get knock knees," Ice Bear said, impressed. "And Sai did not need to help her."

"Huh," Hiruzen grunted. "Interesting."

##

**Dreamtime**

"You know, part of me wants to fight this," the person said. He looked, at the moment, like a much younger Ranma-jii. Then there was an odd sloshing sound, and what might have been Ranko-baa stood before him. "But it's like Tsukasa said-- 'you can't fight an earthquake or tsunami. You can only prepare when you have a warning, and deal with the fallout after.'"

"But... this could destroy the whole forest," Naruto heard himself say.

"Naruto," Ranko/Ranma chided, shifting again. "You grew up in a forest. You should know better than anyone...

"New trees grow on the old..."

##

**1621 h. Team Anko Training ground.**

"...grow on the old..."

"Naruto!" Neji said sharply.

"AGH! First Trigram, Second Form! Trees rot reality is fungus!"

Neji huffed as he landed on his butt, blinking at the blond.

"Neji?" Naruto said, and then his hand went to the back of his neck. "Er, sorry about that, man. You kinda startled me, y'know?"

Neji stood, dusted himself off, and gave Naruto a careful look. "Where does your mind go, cousin?"

"I wish I knew, Neji," Naruto said earnestly, looking around. "Where the heck is my book?"

Neji held up a leather bound volume. "Sealing is Simple, Sealing isn't Easy."

Naruto smiled, taking the book. "I've read this so many times since I was six."

Neji shook his head. "Our sensei want us."

##

**1648 h. Outside the Kage's office.**

"... because of your super freaky eye powers."

"I know the practical reason, Naruto, but it's still rotting annoying to play fetch and carry."

"You can see it as being trusted with vital tasks!"

"Naruto, I'm trying to avoid self delusion-- and please, tell me you aren't in trouble, Haruno. You struck me as the sane one..."

"I am neither in trouble nor sane," Sakura quipped.

Neji sighed. "And you are Sai?"

"Indeed I am, Near-Sighted-kun!" the dark-haired boy said. He used Unsettling Grin #7. Good for letting people know they didn't know him.

His client's cousin raised one eyebrow, but did not comment. "Excellent. Anko-sensei has requested you dine with us today. Says you are her grandfather's ward?"

"Also his wart. Possibly other kinds of blemishes," Sai agreed.

Neji nodded. "Good. Lee and Tenten-- Haruno, what is that in your hand?"

"Oh, this?" Sakura said, and the Blossom above the Ne had a rather promising smirk. "It's three lists. One is the trust but verify list, one is the seems skeevy list, and one is the for fuck's sake no never list."

"In regards to who related to what...?" Neji prompted.

"Inin treating Naruto," Sai supplied helpfully.

Neji blinked once. "That's from the Hokage?"

"We compiled the initial list, but yes, this is..." Sakura trailed off as Neji strode into the Hokage's tower.

He came out a few minutes later, face tight and his own copy of the lists in his hand. Two, in fact. He handed one to Sakura.

"Time to live up to it," he muttered to himself, then spoke louder. "The Hokage has kindly extended the order and is sending an update to the hospital. If they aren't fit to treat Naruto, they aren't fit to treat any Hyuuga or Uzumaki."

Naruto's eyes went wide. "Oi, Neji--"

"It's so," Neji said simply.

Sai caught his client's smile as he looked away. "You're still a dick."

"Well, I will just try and fuck over the right people," Neji countered, smirking.

"Gasp! A joke!"

"I make plenty of jokes, it is not my fault they go over your head."

"Perhaps your wit should be honed for broader appeal, Near-Sighted-kun?" Sai suggested helpfully.

Neji gaze him a pointed flat stare, turned his gaze back to his cousin, then looked back at Sai for another flat stare before turning back to his cousin. "So. To the training field."

Sai followed the bantering cousins and the daughter of two of his guardian's favourite agents. He smiled slightly.

He was glad he could tell Danzou that he wouldn't have to remove Hiashi's nephew. Killing those that harmed Naruto was such a chore, no matter how often he'd done it.

##

**1658 h. The Broken Tool. Shinobi Only Bar. Like** **_you'd_ ** **get the address.**

"I expected to find you at home."

Sarubo sighed. "Chiaki, would you go into your home after No Exit Heitamaru was hanging around it bored?"

Chiaki considered this. "Given I'm not one to give him a reason to trap my home to the stump, yes."

Sarubo's lack of direct answer spoke volumes. None of them spoke well of his cousin, Chiaki noted to himself. "Mm. Be that as it may, I do wonder why he's in town on such short notice..."

Chiaki kept himself composed even as inside he winced. Sasuke was a dim promising echo of his mother when he probed for answers without a direct question, and the boy was subtle compared to Sarubo at the moment.

"I couldn't say," was his answer. Sarubo seemed to take this as meaning he didn't know, and fuck, was this one of the guys that'd inspired him to be a nin? "Although it seems to be 'old home time'."

"Oh...?" Sarubo murmured around his mug of beer. Chiaki waited for him to swallow. He was too close to the line of fire for a spit take.

"Tsunade-baa-sama indicated she might stop by over the next few weeks."

"Really...?"

Sarubo actually sounded hopeful at that. Chiaki had to repress the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. Why would the idiot think the head of their parent family returning would be a good thing?

"Tani Sarubo."

Sarubo blinked at the man who'd... well, rolled up to them. "Maki-san?"

"I am here as Uzumaki Hayato," the man said proudly. He was flanked by two nin, a Hyuuga Chiaki didn't know and Ibiki's cousin from the Keibu, Morino Ryoshi. What was it with Morino men and getting scars up the wazoo? Man's arm was more scar tissue than flesh.

"... forgive me, but this is a nin bar, Hayato-san," Sarubo said.

"Clan business," Hayato said flatly. He slapped a scroll into Sarubo's lap. "You have been served." And another. "You have been served." And a third. "You have been served. Please file any required responses with the Hokage's office by week's end. Good day, Tani Sarubo."

With great dignity, leaving Sarubo's fellow nin to stare at him, Hayato backed up, turned his wheelchair around, and rolled out. When he reached the stairs, Morino took one side, the Hyuuga the other, and the Uzumaki was carried out.

Sarubo blinked at the three scrolls.

"An... expected summons, Cousin?" Chiaki asked.

"... a.... a minor matter that has sadly been blown out of proportion," Sarubo assured him.

Chiaki bowed his head and sighed. "Remember you have said this later," he muttered, and turned away.

"Chiaki?" Sarubo called after him.

Chiaki ignored him. He was too angry to give his cousin another chance at the moment.

##

**1735 h. Konoha Hospital. 12 Willow Road.**

Naruto did not try to force himself to be calm-- he had only just been reminded at the meditation meltdown that emotions were like weather.

Dinner had been wonderful. Knowing she was in some way related to Grasshopper and Boar put him at ease around the nice Wakana lady that had brought it. The fact his bento contained three whole portions of grilled mackerel and a nice full bowl of nikujaga (the stew full of beef and carrots and potatoes) just cemented her as Good People.

So there was a healthy portion of sunomono with wakame that he was sternly told he would eat every bite of. Cucumber salad he could deal with, especially made with proper Hi cucumber rather than seedier Keltic 'cukes'. How those were cheaper, Naruto did not know.

With a generous rice bowl and some miso, it was perfect.

The woman and her assistants had delivered the meal and then left, and the group had settled in to eat fairly quickly.

But reflections on that perfection only distracted so much.

He hated doctor's offices and hospitals, and only partly due to the attitude some healers gave him. Most of it, he could admit if pressed... well, it was pride. Misguided pride as it turned out. The Awesome Uzumaki Totapaku required medical help to... well, not fuck him up.

Odd. The history books never mentioned the Uzumaki were to a man and woman pill heads.

"Hey! Naruto!"

Naruto turned and smirked. "Hey, Kiba. Hinata and-- who's this?"

Aburame Shino smirked. "Shino. I'm an Aburame."

Even as Sakura facepalmed with a rueful groan and Sasuke regretfully explained to Neji, Lee, and TenTen that yes, this was a running gag, Naruto nodded. "Oh, yeah, I think we've... met. Once or twice. Hey, Akamaru!"

The white puppy yipped happily.

"Kiba keeping out of trouble?"

The Inuzuka pup gave a rueful whine.

"Traitor," Kiba mumbled.

"Aw, Kiba, why you gotta make Akamaru's life so rough?" Sakura chided. "I mean, look at him. Well groomed."

Akamaru straightened up where he was sitting at Kiba's feet.

"Composed and ready... follow his example a little."

"... I'm composed," Kiba grumbled.

"Between you and the dog, you're the smelly one," Sasuke noted dryly.

"See, Near-sighted-kun," Sai said, "Smiles knows wit."

"Hey..." Kiba whined. "Akamaru! Sic the Uchiha! Yes! Yes! Take-- okay, you're getting his scent-- a taste of his flesh-- oh, c'mon buddy! Don't cuddle with the enemy!"

Sasuke and Akamaru's _really?_ glance made Kiba snort.

"Yeah, you're right partner. Sasuke's a big suck. And you always like lost causes."

"Only your dog's amusement prevents me from responding properly to that sick burn," Sasuke droned, petting the yipping dog in his hands.

Naruto laughed, then spun to face Shino and the woman escorting Team Eight. "And hey! Who the hell's this lady with that Shino guy!"

Anko ruffled his hair. "That's Yuuhi Kurenai. I mentioned her in passing. She's one of my best friends," his sensei noted.

"Yuuhi... Kurenai," Naruto muttered.

Sakura frowned. "Yuhi... Kurenai... I'm sorry, I can't say I've heard of you."

"Not ringing any bells," Naruto agreed.

"I used... to walk Hinata to the Academy," Kurenai offered, giving the two a puzzled look.

"... no, can't say I've heard of you," Naruto said.

"Neither have most of our enemies," Shino said, a hint of pride in his voice.

Sasuke palmed his face. "Can those of us not in on the story be told so they get the joke?"

Sakura blinked at him. "Oh, right. You weren't there for it. Well, from what Anko-sensei tells us Yuuhi-san--"

"Kurenai is fine," the wild-haired woman noted.

"Thank you," Sakura said smoothly, "-- is such a great kachinainin that no one has linked her and the genjutsu she's used. The Kurama clan respects her skill."

"The Kurama?" Sasuke said, eyes widening. "Wow."

"She is such a master, some places she has struck where it was part of the mission they know it's Konoha assume Konoha has a cell or two of kachinainin on tap," Hinata explained quietly.

"Wow," Naruto and Sasuke said.

"Never ended up in a bingo book, either," Kiba said happily. "So they don't have any nicknames for her out there. And cause we respect what that means here, we _refuse_ to give her a nickname."

"Wow," Team Minion said as one.

"They have linked two or three incidents together," Sai noted, suddenly and earnestly serious. "But the leading foreign theory is whoever did it must be a member of the Kurama clan."

"Wow," Team Punishment said, joining Team Minion

Kiba nodded. "Yeah."

Kurenai just blushed as Team Minion and Punishment, their two Sensei included, turned to her and gave a simultaneous "Woooooow."

"Team Ten should be here already," was her only reply, leading the group toward the hospital.

"Wooooooow--"

"Oh, stop it," Kurenai said, shaking her head. Her own team joining in was just too much.

##

**1746 h.**

"You are banned from contact with my teammate," Sakura all but growled. "I was there when the Hokage signed the order. And besides, no one is allowed to treat Naruto without the head inin here."

The man smirked. "Well, then I guess Uzumaki-kun will be waiting--"

"As will I," Neji said. "The same order that restricts your actions regarding my cousin ecompasses all Uzumaki and Hyuuga. If the God of Shinobi says you are not to be trusted with my cousin's health, then I do not trust you with mine."

Anko smiled. If what she'd learned about group psychology from Enji-sama and ol' Scar Scalp was anything to go by, Hatagami was about to face a mutiny.

"I am sorry, Hatagami-sensei," Hinata said quietly, "but I would be remiss in my duties if I did not follow suit with my cousin. It is not only the Hokage's order, but if I did not object--"

"It would be my duty to do so, yes," Neji said with a smirk.

"And I do so hate stressing Neji-nii-san," Hinata admitted earnestly.

Hatagami blinked. "Hyuuga-sama, surely--"

"And if Hinata doesn't want you touching her, neither do me or Shino, right Shino?" Kiba said, crossing his arms and glaring as Akamaru huffed and turned up his nose at the inin.

"Quite honestly," Shino said, "I was going to refuse his service when I heard he was not fit to treat the Hokage's own charge. Why? Because if he lacks the sense to do even that, I do not trust him to treat myself."

"They do tend to forget that the Hokage is one of Naruto's official guardians," Neji mused.

"That's just because-- well, there are--" Hatagami stumbled. He didn't seem to notice Kurenai slowly circling behind him, and Anko had no doubt her friend was plying her art.

"And that Naruto can practically barge in any time, has ramen with the Professor near weekly-- I'd be tempted to get my personal optic inin here, just to make sure my eyes survive," Sasuke said in his most even tone. "Sakura?"

"You need to ask?" his teammate drawled.

"Actually yes, manners dictate I do," Sasuke admitted.

"Ah. Then no, he's not fucking touching me. Him or anyone else on that list. Sai?"

"Oh, Danzou-sama's going to be so upset my check-up is delayed!" Sai said with a far too broad smile. "It will _stress_ him so!"

"Most un-Youthful," Rock Lee agreed. "Tenten?"

"Oh, we are so waiting for the head inin," Tenten declared.

"And we'll just make it the whole group," Ino said flatly. She glared at Shikamaru, who grumbled something but turned away.

Chouji merely gave the inin a dark look.

"In fact," Ino mused, tapping her chin, "Sakura, maybe the next time you're over for dinner, we should make sure Shika-ji's there so we can tell him about this."

"He did say he wanted to hear all about our careers," Sakura agreed. "And since Shikamaru will likely find it troublesome to mention himself..."

At the mention of the Jounin Hanchou, Hatagami developed a full on sweat. "Uzumaki-kun... perhaps we have not interacted under the best conditions--"

"Once Jii-jii has to say something," Naruto said with a sigh, "well... shit's hit the fan and you're getting a face full. Little too late for damage control."

"Surely--"

"Did my student stutter?" Anko growled.

Hatagami Hiroki took a step back, as if seeing her for the first time. "You-- yours? He's-- I-- I assure you Miratashi-san, my only concern is the efficient service of --"

"Efficiency would require working in the rules," Kurenai said, mouth now right by his left ear. Hatagami shrieked at that-- perhaps because he could have sworn she was in front of him a second ago, Anko guessed. "And just maybe pronouncing my friend's name right."

"Sakura-kun? May I see that list?" Asuma asked.

"Sarutobi-sama!" Hatagami realized suddenly. Anko had to choke back a chortle-- Kurenai had been suppressing the inin's realization of who exactly was standing before him! And people thought she could be sadistic!

Asuma took the offered paper. His face went flat, the one Anko had seen him wear on many a mission. "Well, interesting. Not only are you not on the list of people the Hokage trusts with Naruto's care, you're on the 'please, by all Kami, do not let this fuck treat Naruto', list." Then, a rather mean grin appeared on the Sarutobi's face. "Naruto, you may need to come to dinner tomorrow so Tou-sama and my dear little sister can hear _all_ about this."

Naruto blinked at the former guardian. "Asuma-nii, the last time you wanted me to do that, Kyoko-nee left for two hours and several members of the Bastard's clan spent weeks in hospital."

Sasuke gave one of his trademark grunts. "If they pissed off the 'Blessed Calm' that much, they deserved it."

"I'm glad you were sensible, Hinata-sama," Neji said.

"Indeed, I hate driving you to Jyuken, Neji-nii." Hinata agreed with obvious relief.

Gai looked at the inin in training manning the desk. "Tsukioka-kun, has the head inin even been contacted?"

The man at the desk pointedly did not meet Hatagami's eyes. "Hatagami-sempai," and oh, was he making a point of not calling Hatagami sensei! "insisted that Yakushi-o-sensei not be bothered, as he is meeting with Nohara-sensei, Maito-san."

Gai turned and narrowed his eyes at Hatagami. And wow, did those eyebrows make a glower something scary.

Her lover turned her on in so many ways, Anko had lost count.

Hatagami's smile and laugh in reply to Gai's look were both on the weak side.

"Anko-koi...?" Gai prompted.

"Go with your heart, Sexy and Youthful," she answered.

Gai nicked his thumb against one of his canines, and slammed the ground. "Mikee!"

"Hazah! Gai summoned me, Tortoise of Youth's Spring!" the small tortoise that appeared said. Then looked around. "Oh. Did Rock Lee try to take on a drop bear alone again?"

At his fellows' looks, Lee sighed. "I didn't realize it was a cub."

"Oh, ouch," said Kiba.

"The mother was not pleased," Tenten observed dryly.

"No," Lee agreed. "It did make zoology something of a Youthful hobby! Did you know the drop bear is related to the Sphere's End koala, and that neither are actually classed as bears?"

"... I did not know that," Sai said, a look of earnest fascination on his face. "So, rather like Iwa and Kusa's red panda in that...?"

"Not a bear, often seen as one," Lee agreed.

"Mikee," Gai said, indicating Hatagami, "This one was most un-Youthfully violating an order of Sarutobi-sama."

The tortoise with a Konoha hitai-ate fixed to his forehead by an orange bandana glanced at the inin. "And he wants to die... why?"

"Indeed, that is the source of much Youthful rumination right now. Please, find the Inin Hanchou and Nohara Rin who should be with him."

"Gai-sensei, if I may suggest that Rin-sempai would want to know why she is being called?" Sakura offered.

"Ah! Indeed. Thank you for your Youthful remembrance, Sakura-chan. Inform Rin-sensei that it is regarding the conduct... toward one Uzumaki Naruto, Mikee."

The summon's eyes went from a near squint to bug-eyed. "Kakashi-sempai's Naruto?!"

Gai nodded.

And even as the genin watched, the tortoise scowled at the inin, muttered "Death wish, for sure," and sped off.

The genin blinked. Gai noted this.

"Mikee is ahead of my eternal rival's messenger Pakkun by two races!"

##

**1758 h.**

"Greetings, Genin. Sakura, Naruto. Kiba," Nohara Rin said, nodding to those she'd singled out.

Sakura and Naruto looked at the Inuzuka. Kiba attempted an innocent whistle.

"It was that time you inhaled one of your sister's pepper bombs, wasn't it?" Naruto asked.

"Oh, I remember that," Hinata said, wincing. "You were recovering for months."

Kiba bowed his head. "Yeah."

 **  
** "Saved his nose, though," Rin said kindly. That perked the boy up. "Okay then, I've got eight inin personally approved by Taichi-sensei and Hokage-sama ready to see you, and a follow up visit to a psychologist after for most of you. Ino-chan, Sasuke-kun, Shino-kun, you all have recent psyche evals on record. Naruto, come with me."


	8. Chapter 8

`

**1800-1830 h, inclusive. Konoha Hospital.**

"Kusurishinyorai," the inin treating Chouji half swore, half laughed, invoking one of the Exalted Sages the Monks of Hi followed. "They honestly get at you for being... fat?"

Chouji sighed as she continued studying the display genjutsu in the medical seal he was linked to. "Among other things..."

"If anything, you're underweight for your clan," Kani-sensei said, shaking her head. "Not dangerously so, but I'm going to recommend you up your fat and protein intake. What do you use to feed your metabolism between meals?"

"Mostly crisps. Potato, wheat, that sort of thing."

"Mm. If you prefer salty snacks, I'm going to recommend switching to cashews and almonds, packed East Blue style-- unless there's a tree nut allergy I'm not seeing here in your file, in which case I need to talk to your family inin..."

##

Shino was rocking back and forth slightly when the door opened. He looked up, and slowly smiled.

"Hello, Kiriyama-sensei."

The composed man before him smiled slightly. "If we were not going to subject Naruto to that which would trouble him, we would not do the same to you, Shino."

"It is appreciated," Shino said, the slightest of smiles on his face as he removed his jacket. Surprisingly few of his 'friends' seemed to lurk underneath.

They, of course, lurked deeper.

##

"If you're following Tsunade-sama's book, you should be fine. Just be sure to reference any training that Anko-kun gives you on the charts in Appendix Three and adjust your diet accordingly."

Sakura nodded to Takiguchi-sensei's advice. "I will. I... don't want to let people down."

"No one feels let down with you, Sakura," Takiguchi assured her.

"I came close--"

"Such a grounded young nin could never disappoint us."

Sakura's head snapped up. She met the inin's eyes. The mop headed inin simply gave a small nod of his head, and the genin slowly smiled.

"Thank you for that," Sakura said, wiping her eyes.

##

"I'm fine," Sai repeated for the eighth time.

"Sai," Kabuto said patiently to his patient, "you've somehow attached your chair to the ceiling with you."

Sai bit his lip. "Is the needle--"

"This particular vaccine does need to be injected, yes. I'm sorry," the inin said, adjusting his glasses.

##

The scarred inin glared at Rock Lee. "Don't make me ask twice, Lee."

Lee sighed. "I may have... occasionally... have skipped a rest day--"

"So I should tell Gai to drop you from Team 13?" the doctor interrupted.

The look of utter heartbreak Lee gave him, full puppy dog eye jutsu in effect, accompanying an exclamation of "Kawada-sensei!" didn't phase the physician.

"Lee-kun. Using the gates is one of the most intensive activities a ninja can undertake. There's a reason Konoha's the only village with a formal method in place to train in their use-- because we're the only one with the inin and the fucking patience to do it right. Resting two out of every fifteen days is part of your damn training, kiddo. You're on the high end, too-- most people, your Sage damned, beloved, insane sensei included-- need to rest three days out of the week when they start."

Lee grew thoughtful. "Would-- resting more often than twice in fifteen be better...?"

Morino Kawada's grin was of the bowel loosening variety. "Listening to the fucking inin that can open all but the last gate himself might be the best. Just maybe. There's a chance. Like a kunai has a chance of going through a rotting trunk."

Lee gulped. "Hai, Kawada-sensei."

##

"So... tomatoes or potatoes?" Chigusa-sensei asked, and she had that earnest airhead thing going. Sasuke figured it for bullshit, but played along for the sake of getting along.

"I'm quite fond of tomatoes," he admitted.

"I can tell, you've got ...interesting levels of solanine according to your bloodwork."

Sasuke blinked. "And here I thought tomatoes were the nice nightshade. For the record, never touch the leaves or unripe ones."

"And for the record," Chigusa replied gently, "a lethal dose is unlikely. But it does make me think you've perhaps over done it lately. So. A little more variety in the diet, Uchiha-kun?"

Sasuke gave a small amused grunt. "Right. Kuri-o-ba-san will be disappointed I can't eat there so often."

Chigusa looked offended. "I would never suggest you give up Maehata-san's cooking. Try the cream sauces-- surprisingly few use heavy cream."

##

"No, I'm not shooting water into my urethra to inflate my bladder!" Kiba growled. "That's gross!"

Kannai-sensei sighed, waving her hand gently. "Have to ask. Lots of Inuzuka your age do it to get more capacity for the marking aspects of your jutsus."

Kiba's face screwed up as Akamaru whined. "Sounds like a one way pass to a urinary infection."

"Urinary tract infection," the inin corrected. "One they often do not get treated properly until it's progressed too far, and then they've crippled their ability to do the jutsu."

##

"So, quick and easy?" Tenten said happily.

"Motobuchi-sensei was glad I didn't show some of the worrying trends in my class," Ino agreed. "You?"

"Matsui made sure I knew how draining seal work can be, even when it doesn't feel that way. Other than that..."

Ino smiled. "Good. Neji-sempai?"

Tenten nudged her teammate. "Oi, Neji!"

Neji blinked. "I'm sorry, I was... thinking. Minami-sensei said I was in excellent health."

Tenten looked down the hall to the examination rooms. "Resisting the urge to check in on her?"

Neji smirked. "The rooms are actually sealed to prevent such. My great-grandfather's insistence after he learned members of our Godai branch were spying on the other branches and our allies during checkups."

"Ah, so cursing that he can't check on her..." Ino said, smirking.

"Ino-chan, would you want to see a first degree cousin of age naked?" Neji asked, a small smile on his face. "Genetically she's practically my twin sister."

Ino blinked. "Oh. Oh, yuck."

##

"Neji has apparently inherited the other side of our ancestor's quirk," Hinata said quietly. "Though he was not the first Hyuuga with that gift."

Sato looked at the splinters before the girl. "Hinata-sama, in all my years... if anything, you are stronger than his--"

"Sato-sensei, if you would kindly consider my eyes when used to their fullest, you will see that is not so."

The elderly inin looked up and met the girl's gaze.

"Ah," he said. "Yes, I understand. It is a great burden, for one so young. Does your sister--"

"It seems more likely she is developing the Tensai Byuken," Hinata said, deactivating her doujutsu's full expression. "Alone, either of my gifts are... notable. My great-grandfather's chakra was so composed as to make a tap like a hammer blow. Combined, though... well, you understand my reluctance to spar is not as counter-intuitive to my taijutsu grade as some of my peers thought."

"Steel under silk," the inin mused.

"And I pray the silk never need be unwrapped," Hinata said sadly. "As they say--"

"Hyuuga would rather be in the garden," the inin agreed.

##

"Your mother sent us a list of maladies, mental and physical, you might attempt to fake," Mimura-sensei said cheerfully, toying with the earring in his left ear. "We are to quadruple check any diagnosis, and if there are honest signs, we will be pulling you from the ninja program until such time as you are ready. This will of course set back your friends. We'll have to explain to your fellows why--"

"Just do the damn check up," Shikamaru grumbled.

"Ma. Your mother thought you'd say that."

##

"Did my parents do something wrong, Rin-nee?"

The check up had been going relatively smoothly, but the question brought both the i-obayun and the Yondaime's student up short. In a way, it shouldn't have; despite his reputation, Naruto was a clever young nin and she could see all the pieces coming together in his head.

The woman known as Hananko didn't delay. She was the Leaf's Balm, she would soothe this wound before it festered.

"I'm going out front for a moment to send my messenger to get some people. You saw Kakashi recently, right?" At the boy's nod, she smiled. "We're going to get him, and the Hokage, and a few others if I can. You can watch me from the window there."

Sure enough, when she looked up to the second floor window, she saw Naruto with his face pressed to the glass. She waved, and smiled at him.

The smile was gone when she turned away. The pierce of a ijutsu cutting scalpel and a slam of her hand was accompanied by a name. "Akaruime!"

"Rin-nee!" the filly in question cried. Rin couldn't help a smile-- Aka-chan was quite frankly adorkable; there was an endearing combination of traits many would consider slightly uncool to the horse before her. Rin reached out and stroked her friend's snout as her face fell again.

"That's not a Happy-Rin face," Akaruime observed, her own face falling.

"Naruto needs us, Bright Eyes," Rin said simply. "All of us."

The look of seriousness on Akaruime's face at that was earnest and pure. "The Hokage, his daughter, Barley-nii. Maybe Barley-nii's mate," the horse said, and she reared up and galloped off with a determined look and a whinny, her wings already beginning to stroke.

##

**1845 h. Hokage's Office.**

"Now," the Hokage said firmly, "while I know you could tell Naruto much, I do not think it best you join your comrades when Naruto finds out about his parents."

"... Was Fisher-nii being a twit again?" Akaruime asked sadly.

How the grey pegasus summons got into his office when she was in fact the size of a horse was one of those amusing puzzles that Hiruzen spent a few hours on when bored. But still, that wandering eye, that goofy horse grin (or in this case, heart-rending frown)... a 'd'aw' would be undignified, so he held himself to patting her nose.

"Ebisu-kun just has a few... issues to work out, dear girl."

"Oh, so he was being a _big_ twit," the horse moped.

Ebisu had the grace to bow his head.

"... you are a peace officer of the KeiBu, yes?" the Hokage prompted. "Ebisu-kun, not you, Aka-chan. I know you are."

"Oh. Okay!" the mare said, nodding enthusiastically.

"... yes, Hokage-sama," Ebisu managed.

"As they will be in open air, even deep in the village... well, I have volunteers from the KeiBu and ANBU to stand guard over the area, and I've heard rumours that an elite underground branch of our forces that I have no idea about might be interested as well. But I still seem to have one space on the detail..."

Ebisu stood at attention, a determined glint in his eyes. "Understood, Hokage-sama."

"Yay! Fisher-nii is being less twitty!" Akaruime said, clopping her front hooves.

"He does tend to recover fast the rare times twit-hood embraces him," Hiruzen noted drily.

##

**1900 h. In front of the Hospital.**

"It's up to you, Naruto. It's your secret," Rin said.

Naruto looked at his fellow graduates, and then back at Rin. "Whoever I want?"

Rin nodded. "Once you knew, Hokage-sama intended it to be so."

"I know it already," Shikamaru said blandly. "I figured it out and told my dad and he confirmed it."

Naruto turned toward him, and something-- maybe something in his eyes made Shikamaru back up. Part of his mind wondered if he could learn to do that look on command.

"Fucking. S-Class. Shika," he spat out.

Shikamaru's eyes went wide.

"One you just told me I can't trust you with," Naruto said, shaking his head sadly. He turned slightly to Chouji. "Chouji, man--"

"It can wait," Chouji said. "Thanks, I don't want him bugging me for it, either." He glared at his lifelong friend, who was blinking in confusion.

"Naruto," Ino started.

"I know you'd never just blab a secret that big as gossip, Ino. It's for the same reason as Chouji," Naruto said with a small smile which was returned in kind.

"... I can't either, then," Kiba said. "I mean, you're my bud, and so's Shika-- well, enough of him I'd rather not risk the headache-- and it's not that you're not a bud--"

"Kiba, I get it!" Naruto said. He swallowed. "My team and Team Gai. Let's go."

"Cousin," Neji muttered as they walked away, "the Nara boy may well come to us too. Despite his declarations, he does have a Nara's curiosity--"

"Don't kill him; other than that, go ahead and deal," Naruto said.

Neji blinked.

"It's an S-Class," Naruto explained. "I trust you'll... y'know. Do what you do when someone gets nosey about one."

Neji nodded once. "Cousin."

##

**1905 h. Jounin Ready Room Oak.**

"So, the Hokage's finally telling it what--"

Ebisu's chakra reinforced head butt cracked Osprey's mask and sent the ANBU to the floor.

Acting KeiBu Hanchou Hyuuga Kazushi instantly turned to the ANBU with a fox motif on it and bowed slightly. "Apologies, Fox. You should be left to discipline your own troops."

The ANBU commander simply strode over to where Osprey lay cursing and plucked the mask from the nin's face. "Get him to a cell," she said simply in a weary old tone. She then turned to the gathered KeiBu, ANBU, and Ne. Once the offending nin was gone and his bearers returned, she nodded once.

"Genin Naruto has already been informed of his duty to the village. However, there is a further S-Class secret he is to be informed of tonight." The door opened, and Yuuhi Kurenai entered.

"Sorry for the delay, but one of my genin showed grace in the face of another's stupidity," she explained. "I needed to see them safely home before I could join you."

Fox simply nodded. "Red Cat," she called, and the purple haired agent in question stepped forward. "You are of course on barrier duty."

"Oh, of course," Kazushi agreed dryly, and a chuckle ran through the ranks.

Fox sobered and gestured for a black masked nin to join Ebisu. "Porcupine, you shall join Hachiman Ebisu and form the final line of defense, along with those inside the barrier. You three are aware of the secret Naruto is to learn today. Yuuhi-san. You will be handling the security genjutsu within the barrier field Red Cat shall set up. The Hokage has authorised me to give you this. Read it, and destroy it."

Kurenai took the offered scroll and read it. She raised her eyebrows, blinked, swallowed heavily, then set sparks to the scroll to flash it out of existence. "I... understand the gravity of the situation, Fox," the jounin said.

"Excellent," Fox said. "Hound-hosensei--" more brief chuckling-- "has informed me they shall use his favourite place to get lost on the road of life." There was a murmur as those that didn't know were told. "And heads up, people. We have infiltrators."

"When don't we?" Someone snarked, to more laughter.

##

**1915 h. In Transit.**

Kakashi looked put upon. Naruto felt bad for his old ANBU caretaker, he really did.

No he didn't. A put upon Hound-nii usually meant something fucking hilarious was about to go down.

He thought he recognized the Hyuuga as the one that used to take Hinata to academy when Anko-sensei's friend didn't, and of course the Hokage's sweet faced daughter Kyoko was immediately recognized, the marks under her eyes flagging her as a Sarutobi partnered with an ape.

"You know, Ko-kun's well on his way to a complex, Kyoko-nee," Naruto said, sliding over to her.

Kyoko gently patted Naruto's head. "The first time you met Konohamaru, he looked like a pillbug with giant ears."

"And she named him Konohamaru," Rin deadpanned.

"A full picture of why the poor boy is so fucked up emerges," Naruto agreed.

"Don't make me summon Wei Chen Sun," Sarutobi's daughter said, hugging Naruto sweetly.

"No! No!" Naruto begged. "He'll cook me a healthy but filling vegetarian meal!"

"Ahem," Kakashi said. In that he did not clear his throat, but said the word.

"You say something, Sempai?" Naruto asked innocently.

Kakashi narrowed his one exposed eye at him. "I taught you too well." He turned to address the group as a whole. "Now, for those of you who I did not have a hand in raising... I am Hatake Kakashi. I am the... this is really official?" he said, asking the Hokage with a sigh.

"Yes," Sarutobi said, amused. Naruto liked it when Jii-jii was amused. It meant something funny was going to happen. Or someone was going to get exactly what they deserved.

"I am the Hosensei, Oyabun of the Academy. Yes, yes. Get the laughs in, Naruto. Anko. Laugh it up. Ahem. I am now in charge of teaching here in the Leaf, meaning your sensei report to me. I am currently conceiving tortures to suggest to them, masquerading as training."

"Seems to be a time honoured tradition," Sakura noted, shooting her beaming sensei a glare, even as Naruto corrected a confused Kakashi that he meant "masqueraudering".

"Ah, indeed," Kakashi concurred and clamping a hand over Naruto's mouth half way through an enlightened defense of this great new word, bringing the procession to a stop. "I would also like to take this chance to start a new tradition. I will be taking all graduates of the academy where we are now." He gestured to the stone monument behind him. "On this stone are etched the names of some of Konoha's greatest heroes. They are all notable. My sensei is on here, as is Kyoko's. Rin and I have a teammate on here."

"My... father is on here," Neji said, voice a little hoarse. "For..."

Gai laid an arm over his shoulders. "The point is, this is an Awesome memorial to every Youthful nin who died with their duty to, and love of, the Leaf singing in their hearts."

"It's for those that died heroes," Sakura realized. "So... your sensei is on here, Hatake-sensei? Wait-- your sensei was--"

Kakashi held up a hand. "Hokage-sama?"

"Insider team, deploy," the Hokage ordered. He was silent a moment, then nodded. "There is now a fuinjutsu barrier with a genjutsu anchored to it around the area. Nothing spoken of here will get out, and anyone not inside who tries to cross the barrier will... find themselves rather pained and exposed. We may continue."

"Our sensei was the Yondaime," Rin said, picking up the narrative. "Yes. Everyone on this stone gave the ultimate sacrifice for the Leaf."

"My sensei, too," Kyoko said. "Mine and Kou's."

"Kou, that's your name!" Naruto muttered, finally getting free of Kakashi's grip and shooting the Hosensei a glare.

The Hyuuga smiled slightly.

"The Shodai and Nidaime are here, the sixth and fifty-seventh names," Hiruzen said.

Sasuke gently pushed between the Hokage and Naruto and looked near the bottom. Slowly, he smiled. "My mother and Obito get singled out in recent history, I notice. And my cousin, Shu-nii."

Kakashi sighed. "Obito was my teammate. He died on the mission his Sharingan activated, saving my life and Rin's. He died, and after honouring his last request," Naruto saw Kakashi tap his covered eye when Sasuke looked at him, and vowed to ask about the shared look of understanding later, "we gave him an Uchiha field funeral."

"What about his mom?" Naruto asked.

The Hokage cleared his throat. "Sasuke, I leave it in your hands..."

Sasuke closed his eyes. "My family... my father and some of the clan elders... they planned a coup."

"The... Uchiha Head?" Neji said. "The head of the KeiBu?"

"My brother was... just suppose to kill the conspirators," Sasuke said. "Mother..."

"Mikoto-san would never have condoned the coup," Anko hissed. She kneeled next to Sasuke. "The fact she died that night is yet another mark against your brother, Sasuke. All signs say she was fighting your father--physically fighting him-- and that Itachi took advantage of that to kill her."

Naruto looked at his sensei. "You-- knew Sasuke's mom, Anko-nee-sensei? Did you know mine too? What was she like? Why isn't she here? How..."

His voice trailed off as Anko looked at the Hokage.

"I... now that it is time, I find the words will not come, Anko. If you would...?"

A strange sense of joy filled Naruto as his sensei nodded. Anko gestured for him to come close. When he stood beside her, she draped an arm around her student's shoulder. "Your mother came here after the camp she was in was attacked by Kumo-nin who wanted the credit for stamping out the last of Uzushiogakure's legacy."

"Not while Konoha stands," Rin said, coming close. She smiled as Naruto reached up and fingered one of the Uzushio Spirals that graced the inin's scroll holsters.

"We integrate that spiral into our Leaf," Kyoko said.

"And some nin wear the spiral on its own-- I've seen two versions..." Sasuke mused.

"Some are Uzumaki, like Naruto," Anko explained. "But... the spiral on our chuunin and jounin is Uzu's symbol."

"It's a tribute," Sakura said, smiling sadly.

"Yeah," Naruto said. "Jii-jii, I remember you telling me when I asked if it was okay to put the Whirlpool on my jacket."

"If this monument wasn't reserved for individuals, the Uzumaki Whirlpool would be etched upon it," the Hokage said. "Hashirama-sensei's wife came from Uzushio. Our histories are braided together."

Naruto blinked. "My... mom was a refugee? From when Uzu fell in the Second Shinobi War?"

"Not quite that old," Hiruzen said with a smirk. "Mito-sama's generation lived through that. But as your sensei said, some people just don't want to let go of a good grudge."

Hyuuga Kou shrugged. "So she came to Konoha. Her cousin was here, married to our Shodai."

"I'm related to the Wellspring? Mito? I mean, like, not just as an Uzumaki?" Naruto blinked.

Gai sighed. "Indeed. And that relationship is vital, as you bear her Awesome responsibility. One that only you can speak of." Gai meet Naruto's eyes. "So... do you wish to entrust this secret to your comrades, or shall we ask them to leave?"

"... Sasuke and Sakura already know," Naruto said. He looked at Team Gai, and gave a little laugh. "You know, now that I think about it... Jii-jii was trying to slowly break it to me over the years. Your chakra's special, but not like H--Kakashi's. It's why genjutsu cause you trouble. You heal really fast for a reason, Naruto. You're already doing great things for this village, Naruto. And no order I give can make them see, but you can remember in your heart. There are things you must wait to know, Naruto, but I swear to tell you. When you make genin. Then that arsehole Mizuki just blurts it all out."

"Cousin?" Neji prompted, looking... gad, concern on Neji's face was a shocker. "This... is more than our clan's gifts, isn't it?"

Naruto stopped and started a few times. "I was-- my birthday. You can't kill a tailed beast just like that, even if you're as Awesome as the Yondaime--"

"You are a jinchuuriki," Lee gasped. "The term, I came across it when I was reading about chakra conditions..."

Neji frowned. "Wait, 'power of human sacrifice'?"

Naruto pointed to himself. "Kennel." He unbuttoned his jacket, rolled up his shirt and channeled chakra.

Tenten gulped. "My god. That seal is art-- the Yondaime...?"

"Naruto was born the day the Kyuubi attacked," Sakura said.

"You've had it in you your whole life." Neji said, awe in his expression. "I-- I can barely see it, I thought it was just an aspect of the Uzumaki bloodline-- but that's the Fox's chakra slowly filtering into you, isn't it?"

"I guess. I didn't know until I graduated," Naruto sighed, dropping his shirt. Then he blinked. "But... why does this tie in to my mom?"

Kakashi sighed. "Naruto... the Fourth... Minato-sensei did have a _possible_ way to kill the Kyuubi-- but he didn't use it for two reasons. One... " He looked to the Hokage.

"Our history notes how we once held all nine of the Legendary Tailed Beasts. This made us feared and a target, despite the power it gave us."

"The Tailed Beast Treaty," Sakura noted. "When the Shodai gave each of what became the Great Five and Uzushio one of the nine beasts he controlled. Uzu... they got one for setting up the first Jinchuuriki of each...?"

"Partly. Partly because at the time it was widely accepted that there were _six_ villages shaping up to be the most powerful," Kou explained.

"Minato-sensei _couldn't_ kill the Kyuubi," Rin sighed. "without invalidating the treaty. The younger generation was told that to curb their questions, but... anyone my age, older knows that it wasn't, that there was a jinchuuriki. And of course, our enemies know it too."

"Since that treaty, there has always been at least six Jinchuuriki. It was originally between Iwagakure, Kumogakure, Kirigakure, Sunagakure, Konohagakure, and Uzushiogakure." Hiruzen's face grew dark. "Then, Iwa was able to contain the Gobi when it escaped after the Shodai died. While they willingly extended the treaty to it, others... did not trust the honour of their fellows. While the treaty did not forbid war, it did outline what we might war for."

"Kumo, Mizu, Oyaigakure, and Soragakure attacked Uzushio out of fear of and lust for their fuinjutsu, with Kumo wanting its beast as well," Kakashi said. "They intended from the start to wipe them out-- not gain territory, nor concessions. They set out to wipe Uzushiogakure and the nation around it from the map."

The Hokage's voice bordered on a growl. "They kept us from our allies until it was too late." He smiled with bitter satisfaction. "In return-- we razed Oyai, and Ta no Kuni is known only for its rice fields now. No more Village Hidden in the Marshes. Sora no Kuni, meanwhile, so feared our wrath that they made their remaining homeland emulate one of the Grand Line’s Sky Islands." He shrugged. "After that, Kumo and Mizu were all too eager to... re-negotiate."

"The only concession they really gained," Kakashi said in his bored manner, "was Kumo got to keep the Nibi, which used to be Uzu's treaty beast. Uzu's secrets were too well protected, and most of the survivors too loyal to give them up. When Taki sealed the Nanabi, the Ledge Sitters almost fell over themselves to sign the treaty so the Great Five wouldn't come hunting."

"Sensei... your mother. She held the Kyuubi before you," Sarutobi Kyoko said, sighing. "She met your father here, gained chuunin and tokujou rank here... and took over for her cousin's duty. "

"Mito-sama," Sakura breathed.

"From one clan member to another," Neji mused. "Well... given the Uzumaki reputation for sealing arts..."

"That, and Naruto's mother had her own gift that aided in restraining the Kyuubi," the Hokage noted.

"...my mother was a jinchuuriki too?" Naruto said. He only barely registered a startled gasp behind him. His focus was on the stone. He scanned it, and saw several Uzumaki-- his mother's clan! Which one was--

A finger settled next to a name on the stone. "That's her," Kakashi's voice said. Naruto didn't look up at him, though. His focus was on the precious name before him. "Mikoto-san's teammate. My father's student."

"Kyoko, Ebisu, and my sensei," Hyuuga Kou said. "I've... taught Hinata-sama some of the chakra control techniques she taught me."

"Ebisu?" Naruto squawked. "Konohamaru's pervy tutor?"

"Former tutor," the Hokage corrected.

"I note you didn't dispute the perv part," Sasuke drawled.

"Why tell such a shameless lie?" the Hokage countered.

"Point."

Naruto ran his hand over the carved kanji. "Uzumaki Kushina," he said slowly, tasting each syllable individually as they settled as one of his most precious memories. "My Mom..."

"And that's the other reason Minato-sensei wouldn't kill the Kyuubi," Kakashi continued. "It's as much a part of Konoha as the Senju, the Inuzuka kennels, the Hashirama trees. Our ANBU commander bears the Fox mask. It-- well, your mother usually used 'he' when talking about... he was her partner. A occasionally temperamental one, with a sadistic side a mile long. But her partner. Apparently has a wicked sense of humour."

"But then why the attack...?" Rock Lee wondered.

"Hokage-sama," Sasuke said, his face tight and locked down. "A member of Sakura's clan came to talk to me recently and... she warned me of..." He bowed his head. "Is it true? A rogue member of my clan?"

The Hokage sighed and Naruto had to reach out and briefly hug Sasuke.

"Yes," Hiruzen finally said. "You yourself are blameless, despite the rumours that reach my ears. But every indication is that a rogue Uchiha somehow figured out Madara's method of controlling the tailed beasts, and took advantage of Kushina's labour to unseal the Kyuubi. Naruto's mother and the Fourth died to secure him again."

Naruto blinked as something connected in his mind. "Ichimaru. Jii-jii--"

"Your mother's summons," the Hokage agreed.

Sasuke took a deep breath. "My family has scrolls on this. Jinchuuriki, I mean. I remember because when I saw the term... Itachi told me to wait to learn of it. I will get them for you."

Sakura laid a hand on his shoulder. "And... and the library, there's a wing named after your mother and--"

And Sakura's eyes went wide.

"What?" Naruto asked.

Hiruzen sighed and gave him a sad smile "She has realized the significance of something she has often seen. That wing of the library is named after your mother and father, as they both did remarkable things with seals."

"One thing you must know," Kakashi said. "Your mother and father didn't agree to have the Fox placed in you because they didn't want anyone else to sacrifice their child, or because you were the only one who could do it. They did it because you were the only one they trusted to do this. The only one they knew would do it right. That's what your mother said as Homura-sama dragged me away... 'Because he'll do it! We trust him!'"

Naruto finally looked at the white haired nin. "Oi... Kakashi-nii... how do you know so much about my parents? How does Sensei?"

"When Anko's sensei betrayed us, your parents all but took her in. Had they lived... I have no doubt they would have raised you to know her as your sister."

Naruto smiled as he caught Anko-nee-sensei's blush and embarrassed smile. "And you?"

Rin gave him a sad smile. "We knew your father quite well."

Naruto blinked at her, and then looked at Kakashi. "Did... Obito maybe know him too?"

Kakashi just nodded.

Naruto gulped. "Kakashi-nii... is that... Dad's name right above Mom's?"

"Yes," Kakashi said.

Naruto closed his eyes. "Damn. Leaf damn."

Tenten strode forward and scanned the stone, then took a step back, blinking.

"... Naruto is the Yondaime's..." She shook her head, and Naruto saw not denial but struggle, an attempt to clear her head and understand. All his fellow genin looked shocked, though he saw other emotions begin as well-- Rock Lee blinked as Anko brought his own hand before his face-- and he winced at the blood he had drawn from his own palm. Neji... looked like he wanted to go up to his uncle and Tsume and lead a war party to bust some select heads in town.

"Kakashi, Obito, myself... we were your father's students," Rin said sadly. "Though Kushina-nee was practically a second sensei to us."

"She was my father's student," Kakashi said. "Truth is, they wanted to adopt me after my father died. I was too proud to allow it."

He felt Sakura's arm tighten around him. Sasuke's hand on his shoulder.

Uzumaki Kushina and Namikaze Minato. His parents.

"He planned to take Kushina's clan name," Hiruzen said. "Which is why Naruto's birth certificate... the real one, the one I've sealed away... reads the name he bears now. Truth be told, Minato would have rather been listed as an Uzumaki--"

"Naruto!" Sakura cried.

Naruto barely heard a voice call, "Barrier down! Insecure!"

He heard a few familiar voices calling his name, but they were there and gone so fast he barely noticed.

Naruto didn't realize he was running until he found himself standing on top of the Hokage monument, looking over his hometown. He felt more than saw or heard the people arriving behind him.

After a moment, he sensed someone come closer.

"Well," he finally said as the person was right behind him, things settling in his mind. His path was obvious. "Now I have to become Hokage. Not because I want you all to know me. Not because it means I'll become a Super Awesome Ninja." He scanned the town, picking out landmarks. Ichiraku's. The Yamada's warehouse. The Uchiha, Hyuuga, and Inuzuka clan lands. His apartment building. Nee-sensei's home. The Academy. The Tower. Jii-jii's mansion. The field near the Forest of Death where his team met. Their new home base.

"I'm going to become Hokage because my parents trusted me to protect you all. It doesn't matter if you accept me or not. It doesn't matter that the Fourth was my dad, or Kushina my mom. If they had been civilians, but trusted me the same way... It doesn't matter if you acknowledge me the way I do you, my treasure hidden in the leaves. Do you hear me?" He didn't know if the tears were happy or sad or just... the overflowing of every emotion he had as his voice rose. "I'm going to protect you all!"

He felt an arm around his shoulder, and suddenly smell and touch were added to vague feeling and he knew who was hugging him. His sensei. His might-have-been big sister.

"My parents trusted me to," Naruto murmured as Anko held him. And despite the tears and the tiredness, everything seemed right for the moment.

And damned if that wasn't when Konohamaru's pervy ex-tutor appeared in front of them just in time to parry an incoming fuuma shuriken.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ver 2.0. The 'elemental' problems have been cleansed.

**1935 h. The Five Infiltrators Incident.**

The Hokage's staff slammed the enemy nin to the ground, and Kakashi was on him in a second.

"Four more!" Ebisu said, taking off. "Scattering to get out!"

Ebisu dimly heard Kakashi summon his pack and bark something at Pakkun about Tsume. He heard Rin issue her own quiet, intense summons. He heard the Hokage's honour guard of KeiBu take over detaining the foolish nin who had attacked with the Professor right there. He heard the Hokage ordering his own damn ANBU bodyguard to make safe Gai and Anko's teams, and felt as much as heard the professor's cry of "Fuuin!", bringing Konoha's barrier seals to full bear.

"You calling your old cat, Fisher, or am I enough?" Bisuke asked, falling in beside Ebisu.

Ebisu was already cutting his palm. " _Handoon_!"

The cat that appeared was about twice the size of a typical house cat and had a stocky, muscular build with legs that seemed short on him. The coarse fur was olive-grey with dark spots arranged in horizontal streaks running along the length of the body that coalesced into stripes on his shoulders. The face reminded one of a leopard, but the nose seemed a bit flatter. The ears were far back on his head, black with white spots accenting the centre. Sitting as he was one could see his white belly and the two dark stripes around his throat. A black ringed tail lashed in annoyance.

"I was _napping_ \--" the fishing cat began.

"Someone tried to attack Sensei's son," Ebisu said to his lone summon. "More on the loose."

Handoon whipped his head to Kakashi's summon. "Get a scent, I'll spot and we will run them down!"

Bisuke chuckled even as they ran down the stone-cast face of the Shodai, even as Kakashi and Gai fell in formation with Ebisu. "Wouldn't have it any other way, old cat."

##

Bull exploded forward, body checking the white haired man in a red jacket that was running toward the barrier rapidly forming around his summoner's home. The two tumbled, Kakashi's huge bulldog breaking away with surprising agility and landing on his feet. The infiltrator slammed into a tree, shaking the Konoha oak and stumbling as he reeled.

"Stupid mutt," the man muttered.

"Oh, my dear whelp," a voice growled. "You do not talk smack about dogs in Konoha."

The intruder, without even a hitai-ate to help his body find its way home, turned and gasped.

The wolf with a grey back and white belly gave a snarling grin that made it clear that eye patch he wore was of the 'too tough to die' variety. The woman with the untamed hair standing behind him only confirmed who he was dealing with.

And then, more eyes between Konoha's emblematic trees, growls, and the scent of a mass of canines mixing with the smell of trees.

Bull gave a huff.

"Someone pulls this in Konoha? Of course every able hound in the kennels is coming, pup." The old one eared wolf inclined his head slightly. "You think Ibiki would mind Bull and I leading the pack in expressing our... distaste with this interloper, partner?"

The head of Konoha's hunters smiled, drawing a blade. "Kuromaru, old friend... I'll help."

##

"Weak little caged bird," the running woman shouted at Kou even as she ran from him and the ANBU that had formed up behind him, the tan Akino braying at her heels . "Your clan head sent his own brother to us to die, why risk--"

Kou's palm slammed into her lower back, and the brunette target stumbled and fell.

"Well, that was mean," Kou commented flatly, even as the woman managed a kip up and spun to face him. "Now I have to let you live so Ibiki can tell us if you're lying."

"Ha! As if--"

Kou was in her face in an instant, and she lost the use of her right arm blocking him. When she straightened herself, she gasped and looked down to find Kakashi's dog emerging from the ground, his jaw clamped on her ankle. Then she was facing one of the ANBU-- Red Cat. The Uzumaki ANBU cuffed the outsider across the face and retreated into the branches to let another of the team drop down and strike.

"You expected to face a Konoha-nin _alone_ in our forest?" Kou chided as the maybe-Kumo-nin squawked in indignation on facing a fourth opponent in as many seconds, this one driving her back to the ground after an attempt to leap out of Akino's grasp at Kou. He inhaled, taking in the scent of Konoha's unique Hashirama trees. Bracing.

Then he dived from the trees and tapped his foe's left shoulder.

##

"You're too late," the man croaked joyfully, his severed hand on the other side of the fuuinjutsu barrier currently cutting Konoha off from the Sphere even as Shiba growled at him. The dog, named for his Hi native breed, fell back as Rin walked up to the intruder. "My messenger-- even if you kill me... you shouldn't have come alone with one of his mutts, Nohara..."

"Didn't," a man's voice said flatly.

The horse that stoically picked his way through the trees was huge, like a Keltic draft horse. He was red, with a mane of orange hair. He wore a yoke like a badge of honour.

And then the scent of the infiltrator's blood was joined by the smell of charring flesh that made him scream at his glowing stump, and he felt the flush of ijutsu working on his body.

"I have cauterized your wound and both purged and rendered you temporarily immune to all known poisons," the Leaf's balm noted cooly. "Before we place you in Morino-san's.... capable hands... I shall make sure you are as close to pristine health as possible. Restrained, of course." The Nohara smiled, creating a large chakra scalpel along her right forefinger.

"Hah! Restrained how, by who?"

"Rin," the horse rumbled, and there was a cold edge to his voice, the edge of someone who had been willing to let things be only to have the other party childishly go, 'nuh-uh!'. "Mirror me."

Rin made a half-seal with one hand, and spoke. "Uma no Jutsu: Kagami Henge."

A mirror appeared beside the horse, and the horse _sidestepped_ into it with an agility no normal horse could. He emerged on the other side, transformed into a man of about thirty in a red blazer, blue jeans, and barefeet. His skin was just a touch too red to be human.

The horse's summoner gestured, and the intruder gasped as glowing bands of light snapped into being at his joints and waist, with weight and strength and a glorious shine. "Medical restraint jutsu," Rin sighed. "Augmented with a technique a... friend taught me."

And then the horse turned man was standing over him, still with that look of an amicable man pushed too far.

"I'm Big Mac. I'm no nin."

And a solid fist connected with the enemy nin's jaw.

"I'm a farmer."

Another blow.

"Only a soldier when I need t'be."

The transformed summon smirked. "You don't get those."

Clamping one hand on his target's jaw, he made the man meet green eyes that stared right into the human's soul.

"You get the ote that brought Naruto apples from my farm 'n' juice from my Uncle Mosley's oranges when one of my sister's _best friends_ was helpin' him _learn to read_."

He leaned in.

"I'm the stallion that boy calls _Daimaku-nii._ "

He head butted the man he hovered over.

"I don't stand for folk, regardless of species, mussing with my near and dears."

He glared at the infiltrator, face a model of stoic anger, rage focused to something useful.

"And you done went and _bucked_ with Little Storm."

"Fuck me," the man said.

And then the horse turned man's look turned disgusted as the man wet himself.

"Birch and Elm, the bucking changelings had more dignity," he groaned.

##

"He smells like the traitor snake," Urushi said, baring his teeth. "The only trail that did, but by bark he smells of Orochimaru."

"I'll never forget that stink," Bisuke agreed coldly.

"So this is what Konoha sends after me?" the wild eyed-man backing up against the town's strongest outer barrier said, taking in Urushi, Bisuke, and Guruko. He gestured at the snarling Guruko. "Hell, that one looks almost like a cat!" He laughed madly. He bore the burns and bruises of forcing himself through the first three layers of the barrier.

"We work with cats," Guruko said with a blunt growl. "And we're not the bulk of the force. We're just its vanguard."

"We... would be the main part, un-Youthful one."

The man squeaked, spun, and found a stone faced Maito Gai. The Great Green Beast grabbed the snake-smelling nin under his arms. "Hinode Hyoukou!"

The man screamed as he went airborne. He spun, and was treated to the oncoming sight of Konoha's Scarecrow. The silver haired man called no technique name, but instead struck with several nerve strikes that made the traitor's servant's body scream in pain and the target's screams fall to a whimper. Kakashi grabbed the man by the neck and release-choke slammed him to the ground. "Ebisu!"

There was a feline growl, and Handoon pounced from the nearby stream. The fishing cat seemed not the least put out by his wet fur; judging by his jaw at the infiltrator's neck, the snake servant's actions were more of a concern.

The idiot began to laugh. "Your cat can't even pierce my skin--"

And then Ebisu was crouching by him. The shaded nin placed his left hand over the intruder's mouth, and his right over his own. The man's eyes went wide, and he struggled briefly before slumping. Ebisu held his hands in position, and after a moment, the man began to truly thrash as Kakashi grabbed his arms and Gai sat on his legs.

"Bisuke! Urushi!" Hatake barked.

Each hound clamped on to an arm.

This time, the man's eyes rolled back and the slackness of his body was total.

"Under water oxygen extraction technique?" Gai prompted.

"Not viable if the subject is not restrained," Ebisu admitted.

Kakashi covered his red implanted eye even as both narrowed in amusement. "Basics Kill."

Ebisu shrugged. "Subdue, in this case."

The three men looked up as the sound of hooves approached. A familiar red draft horse appeared, towing a cart behind him. The smaller mare with him had a yellow orange tone to her body and auburn mane hair, with a small pink hair holder keeping it in a neat tail.

"Y'all got another one of them bastards caught?" the smaller of the two prompted. "Got two of them loaded already."

"Should have figured," Kakashi muttered. "With Boss Hakumei's Compliments and Lady Apple Jack's Orders?"

"Nnnnope," the larger horse corrected.

"With Hakumei's Endorsement," the smaller horse expounded, and the toss of her head conveyed what a human smile would, "and Big Sis's insistence. We done volunteered when we heard who these idiots were bucking with."

Gai grinned as he dropped their cargo into the cart. "Ah! Bloom-chan, how Youthful of you to come to our aid!"

The head toss again. "Ah, shucks, Gai. You know Naruto's practically an Apple. And Konoha's one of Hakumei-sensei's favourite places. Reminds her of the Eien Maryou Mori that done gave our neck of the woods its name."

"Indeed. And it is always a pleasure to host members of the Ringo clan of horses, despite the current... un-Youthful visitors," Gai grumbled, and sniffed the air. "Apple Bloom... did that one...?"

"Eeeeyup," Mac said, distaste evident.

"Yuck," Bisuke affirmed as Urushi rubbed his own nose into the ground to block out the smell. Guroko and Handoon shared a rather disgusted look.

"How un-Awesome." Gai then brightened again. "Ah, Maku-san... perhaps later, to distract ourselves from our guest's lack of Awesome...?"

The red horse inclined his head a moment. "...Eeeyup."

"Ah! Excellent."

Kakashi shook his head as Ebisu chuckled. "Only you would consider wrestling a horse summons a pleasant distraction, Gai," the Scarecrow muttered.

"Ah, it is most Youthfully invigorating, my Eternal Rival! Perhaps you might join Big Mac and I?"

Kakashi's face was suddenly buried in a book titled 'Good Times'. "You say something, Gai?"

" ** _Curse you, Kakashi, and your Cool and Hip Style!_** "

Gai shot his pouty look at the now chortling Ebisu and Handoon. Summoner and cat seemed to be leaning on the guffawing Apple Bloom more to hold her up than for support. Given she was twice Handoon's size, this was working rather poorly.

Kakashi's ninken, meanwhile, emulated their human pack mate. The sight of the four playing cool sent the fisher cat, his summoner, and their equine friend into deeper hysterics, Handoon ending up on the much larger Bloom's back as she slumped down and Ebisu buried his face in her flank.

Gai's pout deepened. "How un-Youthful."

Maku shook his head. "Eeeyup."

##

"Jii-jii?" Naruto asked the Hokage as he and the rest of Team Seven sat with the village's leader in a safe room waiting for some infiltrators to be beaten up and dragged in, "you use a word in your book..."  
  
 _I must be getting used to things_ , Sakura thought, _this is way less weird than it should be_.  
  
The aged Hokage smirked at his young surrogate grandson, puffing gently on his pipe. "And you have forgone a dictionary why?"  
  
"I didn't! It's a foreign word, I think. Al... algorithm! That's it! You said that hand seals are an algorithm for dealing with chakra."  
  
"Ah. Yes," the Hokage allowed. "And actually, I said that they're tools in an algorithm."  
  
Naruto's eyes narrowed in thought. "Right... and you said mojikara in seals are like that too... but what's an algorithm?"  
  
"You always ask such basic but complex questions, Naruto..."

And suddenly, her teammate was airborne, flying toward the woman with the oddly lavender skin that had walked in with Naruto's Rin-- and she had to force herself to think of the legendary inin as "Naruto's Rin" rather than "The Leaf's Balm", otherwise she'd go all weird again.

"Hakumei-chan!" Naruto called, and the woman smiled as she caught him in a hug.

As to the woman, the three toned hair might have passed as a clan trait, but that shade of skin...

"Your... summons have a jutsu to appear as human, Rin-sempai?" she asked, then shook her head and bowed with her hands clasped in a wai. "I'm sorry, where are my manners? I am Haruno Sakura, Naruto's teammate. Perhaps you know our third?"

"Hakumei-san," Sasuke said with a bow.

The woman reached out and patted the dark-haired boy's head. "Indeed."

"And these are our sempai, Rock Lee, Hyuuga Neji, and Emiya Tenten," Sakura continued.

"Y-you are the-- Ningame mentioned you with the sincerest respect, Hakumei-sama!" Rock Lee said, bowing deeply.

"Mm. I'll tell you what I told Gai. Only people that don't know me use sama toward me. Use it after now, and I will assume you have no wish to know me," Hakumei said firmly.

"Y-yes, Hakumei-san," Rock Lee managed.

"And my mother would rather be addressed as Ba-chan," Sakura said.

"Yes, you should address Sakura's mother properly as well," Hakumei agreed.

"Indeed," the Hokage agreed gravely.

Rock Lee scowled at Sakura.

"I think he may be re-classing you as Cool and Hip," Neji warned. "Hakumei, an honour to meet you."

"Are... you the same Hakumei my dad's summon mentioned...?" Tenten asked, looking puzzled.

"I raised your dad's summon," Hakumei said simply. Not bothering to watch the resulting brain crash in the weapon's mistress, Hakumei turned back to Sakura. "As to your question, Sakura... many summons and other such entities have such a trick, either innate to their nature or a cultivated skill. But we horses actually lost the art for a long time, until a dear friend of mine brought it back to us." She frowned. "Now, if only it hadn't involved going half mad and trying to take over a Fioren mage guild in her human guise... Hiruzen."

"Hakumei," the Hokage returned. The greeting of equals.

"Hakumei-chan, what's an algorithm?" Naruto asked, still hugging her. He was... clingy, for nearly fourteen. Though perhaps, given all his caretakers were professional nin... he might not have had that many let him get close enough to be clingy. Once given permission, Naruto reveled in human contact.

Dimly, Sakura noted Lee waving a hand in front of Tenten's face as Neji sighed and tried to get the taijutsu prodigy to leave her be.

"Ah. Well, as with many words on any given world," Hakumei mused, sitting and settling Naruto beside her, "it's a good word from a bad place."

"Algorithm-- ah," Sakura nodded. "Thera."

"... isn't there a better word in Higo?" Naruto wondered, looking at the Hokage.

Sarutobi-sama looked rather like he had tasted some ponzou sauce with way too much juice in it. "I spent weeks looking for one," the Hokage managed.

"As I said, it's a good word with a bad pedigree," Hakumei repeated. "Any Theran who had a contract with us either left the Empire when they started slaving in earnest, or lost the contract." She scowled. "Or were contracted to a herd that didn't care. It's like Thera has spent ages in the grips of madness, over a thousand years. But even with all that, their scholars have given the saner elements of this world much of use." Sakura blinked as a piece of paper and a pencil appeared in mid-air beside the woman (who was really a horse?) and she... set it on the low table in front of Naruto without touching it somehow. The pencil flew across the paper, surrounded by a transparent purple aura. It settled beside whatever she'd written, and she nudged Naruto with a wry grin.

"Solve," she said simply.

With a look of dread, Naruto leaned over the paper. Then he

jumped back, as if scalded by hot tea. "Hakumei-nee-chan! Not... not that!"

Sasuke leaned over, and his eyes narrowed. "The fiend."

"And speak it out, like when I first taught you," the summon added. "None of your short cuts."

"Aw, birch," Naruto said. He sighed, slid up to the table, and picked up the pencil as he recited a monotone. "First, count the number of digits in the divisor, one, two. Then I count the same number from the front of the dividend, one, two. Does the divisor, 12, fit into those first few digits of the dividend, 25? Yes. Twice. That goes above the line. Multiply that by the divisor, 24, and subtract that from the digits we just divided into. That leaves 1. Bring down the next digit in the divisor. 11. Can 12 go into 11? Nope. Bring down the next number-- 3. Twelve can go into 113--"

"You're using an algorithm," Hakumei whispered.

"-- nine times, which is Bwaaaaaa...?" Naruto snapped round to look at his teacher.

"In its purest definition," Hakumei said, "an algorithm is an effective method that can be expressed within a finite amount of space and time and in a well-defined formal language for calculating a function. In other words, do these steps to figure out this thing. Its original meaning applied to math."

"So... if I follow the rules of long division, I'll always find out what the other, whaddaya call it... factor! I'll always find the other factor." Naruto frowned. "But, what's that got to do with jutsu?"

"Well, it started out as a math thing. Over time, the word's definition expanded to mean any process that, if you start within its purview, you'll end up with the desired result."

Naruto pursed his lips in thought.

Hakumei seemed to think a moment. "You can see a recipe for dinner or dessert as an algorithm-- here is a way, if you start with these ingredients, you will get this dish. Experimenting by doing things not in the algorithm-- the recipe-- can lead to unpredictable results, good or bad."

Naruto blinked, then slowly smiled. "So if I start at the right level of skill and power, I can shape my chakra into a given jutsu or make a given seal work!"

"There are other variables," Hakumei allowed, "chakra nature, quirks in how your chakra flows... but as long as those are within the bounds of the jutsu, you can do it if you follow all the steps."

"The hand seals and mojikara are just steps in the recipe," Naruto murmured. "No, not quite..."

"They are the measuring cups," the Hokage suggested. "And learning to do a jutsu with fewer handsigns or simplify a seal is rather like being able to 'eyeball' a favourite recipe. Often, the most popular version of a jutsu gives a predictable, dependable result-- but like I wrote, merely practicing that version to perfection will not convey mastery of that jutsu, or the nin arts as a whole."

"Like ramen... you can throw an instant soup packet in with quick-boil noodles and call it ramen, but that's giving the algorithm the bottom of the barrel to work with. If you give it a better starting point, it may take extra time at first..." Sakura blinked as Naruto slumped forward, muttering to himself.

"And he's off..." Sasuke muttered.

Sakura turned to him, an eyebrow raised in question.

"The first time I saw him thinking this deep," Sasuke explained deadpan, "he came up with his confetti in a drawer trick. The seals used... are actually kinda scary. Two single prong seals for all those effects. Sensei's not here."

"I noticed," Sakura said, pulling out her reading glasses and a book. "She's likely... she’s visiting friends, most likely."

##

"And why can't I just go in there and have words with him?" Anko raged, pointing at the monitor trained on the _dead man_ that dared attack _her_ student/ little brother in front of _their_ Kage.

Ibiki simply smirked as his secretary turned up the volume on that cell's ambient mic.

"Oh. Ohaiyo. Didn't hear you come in."

As two figures emerged from the shadows and approached the rapidly panicking foreign nin, Anko turned to Ibiki with a positively adoring smile.

"I am known as Kichiku Megane, and this is my associate Sugureta Boushi," the taller one said, adjusting his glasses as he closed his book.

"Charmed," the shorter figure said pleasantly.

"I'll answer! Any questions, I'll answer!" the infiltrator said, knocking over the chair he was in as he struggled to back away.

"Oh, yes, you will," the taller figure affirmed with obvious relish.

"Ibiki-nii," Anko managed, touching his arm and drawing a brief grin.

"And I'm not making you interrogate the one that pissed himself," the head of T&I noted drily. "I'll handle him."

"You're such a softy, dear," his secretary noted as he pulled out a sap.

"No... I just find ammonia fumes bracing," Ibiki noted. "Excuse me."

##

"'Visiting friends' means...?" Sasuke wondered.

"In this context, either causing or watching suffering, yes," Sakura murmured, reading her book. At least until it was pulled from her hands.

"The Great Shinobi Wars. Pah," the Hokage said, looking at the book as if it had personally offended him. "Forgive me, but while the early chapters are fine, the writer and his editors run a little mad in the name of whatever was considered saleable when he was writing it. Twice as annoying when you were there for some of it." He looked down at the page she was on and his eyebrows raised, before the book was handed back. "However, if you are to continue the erudite and witty commentary in the margin notes, I might just request a copy when you're done with it."

"I... like history," Sakura managed with a small smile.

"So does Naruto," the Hokage noted.

"At least he can chat with you about it now," Sasuke muttered. At Sakura's questioning look, Sasuke shrugged. "I don't mind knowing history, and it has value. But I'm not an otaku for it, reviewing its stories over and over like Naruto likes to."

"You should see Naruto and me suffer through a movie supposedly based on a true story. Some of the stuff writers can make up to fill gaps in the record or to suit the 'flow of the story'-- I wanted to burn that biopic on Tobirama-sensei they showed last year," the Hokage admitted with a smirk.

"Hokage-sama..." Sakura began, then stopped and smirked, barely suppressing a chuckle. "I'm sorry, you must get stupid questions like 'what were the Shodai and Nidaime like?' all the time..."

"And I usually answer something like, 'You know, I was taking notes on every quirk my sensei and his brother had since I met them just in case some wet behind the ears genin asks me about them years later...'" the Hokage said, smiling.

Sakura did laugh at that. Right now, she could very much see Sarutobi Hiruzen as 'The Professor'.

"I guess it's like Naruto and some of the nin he knows," she said, then blushed as she turned to Rin. "It's going to take me a while to see you as 'just Rin' and I doubt I'll ever be as familiar as Naruto is with you."

This drew a laugh from the inin, who was watching Hakumei patiently lead Naruto through an example from the Hokage's book. "Give it time, Sakura, give it time."

Sakura frowned and closed her book. "Actually, Rin-senpai... you said you specialize in ways that kekkei genkai affect the health of nin..."

"Not just inherited abilities," Rin clarified. "All the Akimichi multi-size jutsu fall under my specialty as well, as the clan members must cultivate certain physical traits to use them. The Inuzuka don't technically have a kekkei genkai, though I'd dispute that. People like a big flashy sign that says 'hey! here's the cool trait limited to this bloodline' but not everyone has red spinning eyes or shockingly rapid healing. Certain kin and hijutsu change your body and mind as a matter of course--"

"So psychological effects are part of your specialty?" Sakura prompted.

Rin leaned foreward. "What do you think you have?"

##

**2045 h. T &I.**

"The one who tried to kill Naruto was from Ame, if you can believe it," Boushi said, setting his trilby on the table and brushing it off. He often fiddled with the beloved hat that gave him his name when upset.

"... and he expected Konan and Yahiko to react to this... how?" Ibiki ground out.

"Oh, but you see, Konoha whipped Amegakure's butt during the Second War," Megane explained, frustration evident in his voice now that he'd dropped his 'game face'. Outside of 'the box' Megane was among the most genial men Anko ever met. He nodded thanks to Ibiki's secretary for the offered coffee, and took a long slurp. "Ah, yes, lovely. So taking out one of our 'weapons' is more important than respecting the fact he's the cousin of the deceased head of the fucking Pein branch. The clan head of the clan his commanders were _adopted_ into."

"Yes, because that sort of logic works so well with Ounoki-jii-sama when an Iwa nin tries it." Anko rolled her eyes.

"We notifying the Ame-oyabun?" Boushi wondered.

"Wouldn't surprise me if Yami-sama already is, given how he feels about Ame," Ibiki's secretary noted.

"That wasn't Danzou-sama's fault," Boushi said, sadly.

"But it happened on his watch, buddy," Anko said, patting the younger man's shoulder and grabbing his hat to place it firmly on his head.

"Yeah, I guess," Boushi agreed. Then he smirked. "So, the arsehole that polishes Manda's scales still up to his usual standards?"

"The one from dear old Sensei thought he was more than he was," Anko noted darkly. "Didn't even have the cursed seal. Just some physical enhancements. He just wanted to share with his boss that 'the Fox Child' now knew his past. Apparently, Orochimaru loves blabbing what he considers minor village secrets." She shook her head. "Huge fucking idiot, my sensei."

"He spill where Orochimaru is right now?" Ibiki's secretary asked, a raised eyebrow the only sign of her intense interest.

Anko pursed his lips. "Apparently, he has bases all over-- and speaking of, we owe Oonoki a courtesy call-- that mountain top we let Iwa claim after Soragakure vacated it houses one, supposedly. There's a list of other possible sites in the notes I made."

"We owe him more than that," Ibiki deadpanned. "We also need to ask if he wants the nin that got that summons off back."

Megane lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Let me guess, 'oh, awesome, I'm on a milk run infiltration to show my stuff to a village we're at peace with now, and I found out a super secret secret! I'm gonna tell the Tsuchikage, I'm gonna tell the Tsuchikage!'" he finished in a sing song voice.

"Be fair," Ibiki's secretary drawled. "I don't think Oonuki of Both Scales would consider it to be wise on balance to express an interest in the son of the Flash and Pepper, in the sense of wanting them to leave him the fuck alone. Twit begging not to be sent home now?"

"He wet himself when I suggested it," Ibiki said mildly. "He's convinced he'll be stuffed with C4 and shoved out The Nuke's office window. What about the idiot that tried the civilian grade psyche out on Kou?"

"Not talking," his secretary said, her lips pursed. "As in, stoically facing whatever I throw at her, face like she's trying to bluff out the Five Kage at poker kind of not talking. "

The door opened, and Inuzuka Tsume walked in.

"Our latest chew toy claims he is an Uzumaki, and is demanding a blood test to prove it."

##

**2208 h. Team Anko Headquarters.**

He asked for his mask back for this duty. Asked for it, after leaving it behind when Naruto hit the academy he now headed.

Naruto looked up and grinned as the darts on his window trap were deflected by Hound's tanto. "Why, I'd almost suspect you expected that, Nii-san."

"Meh. Around you, it's best to trust situational awareness over memory. Ocelot still can't eat pork."

Naruto sighed. "Thanks. I... took my 2200 pills."

"Good. I'll wake you up at 0100 for the next dose," Kakashi said, paging through his current reading.

Naruto frowned at the cover. "Yutaka did that plot better."

Kakashi gave a rueful chuckle. "True. I'll admit a... sentimental attachment to Ero-Sennin's work."

"He... Raiya-ji was Dad's sensei, right?"

Kakashi nodded. "Also writes the Infinitely Gutsy Shinobi series."

" _He's_ Watsuki Nokuhiro?" Naruto said, blinking.

"And the great Super Pervert Jiraiya," Kakashi noted. "He... writes to the audiences, either way. But Yutaka has a certain... heartfelt aspect I enjoy as well. Yamatogawa?"

"Once you get past Erogenjutsu, he gets too focused on being pervy. No feeling of playfulness, and he loses the plot," Naruto said.

"Agreed. You are a man of taste. You've had a rough day; Rin was going to bring you to dinner at my house. We'll have breakfast instead. Think you can get some rest?"

"Brain's on fire, but getting back on my pills always saps me a bit," Naruto admitted.

"It will. Your... mother was dead set I understand how it worked. Glad she did. Rin says your Totapaku is especially strong. That means the effects of getting back on it is especially draining as your metabolism adapts."

"And Jii-jii figured I'd listen to you if I got stubborn again?" Naruto snarked.

"I asked for the job because I'm worried," Kakashi said. He sighed and violated every rule of being an on duty ANBU to remove his mask and follow rule one of dealing with Naruto-- be straight with him. Even removed his normal half mask too. "And I feel like nothing I do is enough because I can't bring Sensei or Habanero-nee-sama back."

Naruto laughed-- a bitter, enduring thing that was far too old for the fourteen-almost fifteen year old-- or was it thirteen almost fourteen? Fuck, some older brother he was.

Naruto laughed even as he pulled on that ridiculous night cap that Shotaro had given him-- Boar's humour had always been a little out there. "Mom was named after a hot pepper?"

"She earned it," Kakashi assured him. "Go on. Sleep. Rin's going to check, but she thinks we can cut you down to every six tomorrow."

"... okay. I'm going to try to remember. Easier, now that I know why. Just sucks."

"Hell, I still need monthly check ups, like I told you before we got you in the orphanage."

"Yeah," Naruto grumbled, and Kakashi knew it was more tiredness than anything else. Just before finally settling in, Naruto sat up.

"Doggie-nii?"

The old nickname made him smile. "Yes?"

"Can I call you Kashi-nii? In public, I mean? I know I can't call you Hound-sempai or Doggie-nii..."

Kakashi made a show of deep thought. "... you know what, seeing as you're one of the few and proud besides the wife to see me without either mask..."

"Awesome. I get to meet her tomorrow, right?"

"You already have. She's from Amazon Lily and keeps the company that implies, if that helps."

"...Boa-nee? Kashi-nii, you're one lucky dog!"

Kakashi laughed, even as he put both his masks in place. "I suppose I am at that. Now, go to sleep or I'll use a technique your mother taught me to put children of your clan down."

"Really?" Naruto said with raised eyebrows.

"Ma. I even brought the tools. Hammer, vice grip, clamps--"

Naruto instantly went prone. "Whistle, snore, whistle, snore."

Kakashi chuckled again. "Good night. Brat."

He pulled out a copy of the book that gave Naruto his name, and settled in on the window sill to sit vigil, giving an off handed "safe" signal that was caught in the reflective windows across the way. Shotaro would see it from his post on the street below and call his brother over the radio about ramen.

From there the news that Naruto's troubling day was over would spread and Konoha's elite would breathe a little easier.

That done, Kakashi settled in. He sensed-- heard, felt, even saw to a degree-- Naruto drift off. Jiraiya's work would pass the time until Naruto needed him.

"Rest well, little brother."

GOOD NIGHT

##

**2238 h. Temporary Holding Cell 35, joint KeiBu/ T &I facility "Ironwood". Location Classified.**

The Hokage sat across from the white haired man. The young man looked to be about 24, with a traveller's weathered skin. "Your blood test confirms it. You are Uzumaki."

The man smiled slightly at him.

The God of Shinobi leaned forward, and the smirk dropped as Sarutobi extended a hint of the power he shared with so few others. "That is why I am giving you the chance to speak. Your disposition will depend entirely on the answers you give myself, Taka Enji, Yamanaka Inoichi, and whatever other interrogators I ask to speak with you. Understood?"

The man swallowed, and nodded.

Not letting up the pressure of his presence, the Kage did give the man a small smile. "A good start." He composed himself. "Understand, clan or not... Naruto is my grandson in all but blood." He raised an eyebrow.

The man slowly nodded.

The Hokage leaned back, and the man started as Danzou stepped from the shadows, blank black mask in place. "Yami."

"Naruto's eldest relatives are watching," the Deepest Root said blandly. "At a word from them, you will be treated as any other prisoner. At another, as a clan friend... I will kill you myself."

The man managed another nod.

"Name," the Hokage commanded.

There was a pause. Then, slowly, with a voice that sounded a bit young for his apparent age and an accent the Hokage couldn't place, the Uzumaki spoke.

"For the longest time, only name you find me answering to... is Kid."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, Day Three closes.
> 
> I'll try not to make you all wait so long for the next bit


End file.
